Since we’ve got the post holiday blues, we’re just going to jump right into the next holiday season: Valentine’s Day! (Stop your groaning — we’re helping make sure it doesn’t sneak up on you like it always does so you’re not stuck without a decent token of affection for your sweetie come Feb 14th.) The following are some sexy (read: kinky) ideas, assuming you’re going out with someone fairly open-minded — all are conveniently heart-shaped or heart-themed (and a few are butt-centric to close out “Spank Tuesday”):
Naughty and Nice Gift Set — This heart-shaped box contains a faux-fur fuzzy blindfold, a red rubber whip, dirty dice (one has nouns on every side and the other has action verbs), and two non-fragrant (thank goodness!) mood-setting tea lights. On sale right now at Goodvibes for $14.99 (down from 30 bucks).
Heart-Shaped Pasties — A fun beneath-your-clothes surprise or insurance for a wardrobe malfunction. 2 pairs for $19.
Heart Spanker — A stiff leather, strap with 3 cut-out hearts that will appear momentarily on your partner’s bum (or any other fleshy body part) with a hard slap and steady hand. It delivers a fairly sharp, stingy slap, and the heart strap also slaps against a solid stiff leather strap for a nice loud whacking sound. But please, make sure you brush up on your SM-play safety before you go wielding it willy nilly. $36
Burning Love Spanker — Same kinda thing as above, only longer and with 4 red hearts (in suede) against a shiny black patent-leather background. $45.
Heartbreaker Crop — You don’t even have to use it — a crop will just make your naughty Valentine’s Day bedroom outfit. This one’s got a stiff, braided-nylon spine, an easy-grip leather handle and a double leather metallic red heart head. $26.
Hearts on Fire Bondage Kit — Comes with restraints, a heart spanker, and a massage candle. $99.
Kama Sutra Positions Heart — Use the included tweezers to select from 69 bilingual scrolls in the heart-shaped box, each suggesting a different way to do it. They’re illustrated with a position from the Kama Sutra and instructions on how to achieve the proper posture. $14.50
Aphrodite Glass Dildo — A smooth, weighty, handmade glass wand with a blood-red heart on the knobbed end that comes in a corduroy storage bag. Good for the green bean in your life since glass toys are recyclable. $56
Corozon Glass Dildo — A handmade glass toy with substantial weight, a gentle curve, a subtly textured shaft created by slightly raised hearts, and a pronounced head that’s good for G-spot stimulation. It’s heavier, a little longer and higher quality than the Aphrodite (plus can be use with a harness or for tushy time, unlike the Aphrodite), hence the higher price tag: $150.
Risque Valentine Candy Hearts — They may seem like the same conversational candy hearts you had as a kid, but a closer look reveals R-Rated messages such as “Eat me,” “Let’s screw” and “I’m easy.” Good for surprises, parties, and cynics who hate Valentine’s Day. $4.
Divine Toy Sachel — A cherry-red, faux-crocodile-skin satchel is big to hold all of the toys you get them for the holiday. There’s a divider inside as well as an elastic band to secure batteries, small bottles of lube, massage oil, body candy, etc. And it comes with a lock and two keys to keep kiddies and nosy roommates out. $46