Top 10 Sauciest Jokes from Phyllis Diller, RIP

photo by Allan Warren via WikiCommons

It’s been a bad week for successful creative types. And, unfortunately, the drama surrounding director Tony Scott’s demise has taken away some of the attention the passing on Monday of comedy genius Phyllis Diller deserves. New York Magazine has a wonderful ode to her groundbreaking career, putting it into historical and feminist context. Below are ten of her sauciest jokes — decades old and downright tame compared to the jokes of Amy Schumer we mentioned yesterday, but still hilarious.

  1. I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
  2. Robert Redford once asked me out. I was in his room.
  3. There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?
  4. A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
  5. We had a civil ceremony – his mother couldn’t come.
  6. Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
  7. His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
  8. Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
  9. No matter what you look like, marry a man your own age. Then as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
  10. I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take your clothes off.”