Top 5 Love Lessons Learned from Season 9 Ep 5 of The Bachelorette

photo via ABC.com

  1. If you (Bryden) are going to dump someone (Des), do NOT take great pains to do it publicly at an inconvenient time for the dumpee. Flying across an ocean to tell someone who you’re not even really dating that you don’t like them is a little “look at me! look at me!” Even worse if you do this to the dumpee while she’s in the middle of enjoying an actual date/preparing for a job interview/giving a speech/attending a party where she is the guest of honor/or doing any other real world event that will be ending soon anyway, thus giving you the opportunity to break your insignificant “news.”
  2. If, when talking about a guy you’re dating (Chris), you (Des) can’t help but make an expression like you just smelled the trash in the dumpster out behind your local sushi restaurant that’s been baking in the summer sun all day, then he is probably not the guy for you.
  3. If you (Chris) are going to write someone a love poem, please don’t make it rhyme. Exhibit A: “Girls I used to think were true/all out of mind as I think of you.” Ugh.
  4. Talking shit about romantic competitors — no matter how true said shit may be — will surely make not only your romantic competitor (Ben) less attractive but you (Michael) less attractive as well.
  5. Even if you’re not the hot-tub type, if you ever get the chance to have a date in a hot-tug with a G (even an awkward two-on-one date), do it!