Wise Guys: What Do Men Think of Cougars?

cougarphoto by Harlequeen

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “What do men in general think about cougars?”

Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman):

“I am Cougar, hear me roar,
In years too big to ignore…”

If it isn’t already, this should be the anthem for the beloved cougar.  Prowl on, ladies! Honestly, what’s the big deal?  OK, so maybe it is a sexual desire fueled largely out of a denial that one is rapidly aging off this mortal coil. We’re all headed there anyway, aren’t we?  Why not grab a little nubile ass on the way out? What the cougar phenomenon tells us is that (1) we like coming up with weird monikers for sexually-active women (see MILF); and (2) this country still has a problem with casual sex as it relates to women.

Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): The cougar is a bit of an anomaly to me. On the one hand, cougars have experience, confidence and generally pleasing physical attributes, all of which are very attractive characteristics. On the flip side, they can be difficult to please and tend to try too hard. Personally, I find confidence attractive, but a truly attractive woman doesn’t have to try so hard to be sexy. So cougars aren’t generally my thing. But every now and again I’ll run into that mature woman who looks me in the eyes like she’s ready to pounce…and I hope she does. I think the trick to the sexy cougar is subtlety. If you can pull off a look 20 years below your age without appearing like it took you 20 years in the mirror to accomplish, you have  mastered cougar purrfection. Grrr baby, very grrr.

Straight Married Guy (Jim): It seems like a largely positive stereotype and I’m all for it.  However, the importance of not dressing like you just chalked your first ID can not be overstated.  That makes me sad.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Jim from New York, our Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter, and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett, owner of the LA PR firm Barnett Ellman. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


  1. As long as they pray on single younger men I guess its alright, although I still find it creepy…just like I find men praying on much younger women creepy.

    I just don’t understand how a woman can be attracted to a boy who can practically be her son…or a man dating a woman who can be her daughter.

    I think one of the possible main reasons is to be in control. Being more experienced gives them the edge to run things…and they feed their egos with that power and their lust with younger meat. It’s easy.

    I love being with someone close to my age group and sharing the same everyday struggles like going through school and gaining capital…love experimenting with each other sexually and in that way learning more about our desires together.

    Who knows how I’ll think in the future ones I hit my peak. Ideas change.

  2. Hilarious, ss. I didn’t get all the references, like the stores and locations, (I’m not from NZ) but the “documentary” was really funny.

  3. I don’t particularly like the term “Cougar.” I’m a little older than some of the posters here, but My Man is older than I am, so I am not Cougar material. But, I have NO problem with a mature woman dating a younger man, if they are both interested in each other. I also have no problem with an older man dating a younger women, if they are both interested in each other.

    Saying someone who gets “paid in pleasure” from sex is a “prostitute” is silly. Judy, YOU don’t get pleasure from sex? Most people do. That doesn’t make someone a “prostitute” for wanting pleasure. Maybe you don’t get pleasure from it, I don’t know. But, please don’t call women who have sex for pleasure “prostitutes.” Sex feels good for a reason. It’s supposed to feel good. That is “payment” for men or women. Prostitutes have sex for money, drugs, etc. EVERYBODY has sex for pleasure, unless you are the “lie back and think of England” type.

    As for Frank’s idea: “I dont believe anything about sexual peaks…its all a bunch of bullshit to justify someones particular point of view regarding sexuality, its hyprocy at the worst.” (sic)

    No, it’s true. Men have their highest testosterone levels, thus highest sex drive in late teens to early 20s. When women go into the early stages before menopause, estrogen and progesterone decline and testosterone INCREASES. This increases the sex drives of MANY women in their late 30s and beyond. It is not only medically proven, I KNOW it’s true. I’ve felt it. Some women also often gain the ability to have multiple orgasms only after they are a bit older, again usually late 30s and beyond, although some younger women are capable of this, also.

    That isn’t saying NO men still have high sex drives in their 40s and beyond, many do. But, some would say their “peak” ability to have repeated usable erections, and be sexually aroused non-stop was probably in their late teen, early 20s years. But, there are certainly a LOT of men much older who have very healthy sex drives. (And many older men do have the advantage of more experience.) No one said they didn’t.

    Sexual peaks, due to age are very real.

    Please, this is a Sex Positive Blog. Try not to call people “Prostitutes” or other names which have nothing to do with their personal sex lives. (Unless that is what they do for a living, then it is fine.)

  4. Oh! Genius, if ironic, suggestion from Kym! Sexually successful older men should be called bald eagles.


    Cougars, bald eagles… these are POWER animals. Why did anyone decide that these terms are denigrating? Particularly when your alternatives are “desperate old lady” and “perv”. Come on! Lighten up!

  5. @ Judy: Younger guys, sexually attracted to you? How DARE they, right? Trying to give you pleasure as “payment,” and making a “prostitute” of you. Screw that! Gross! Some women have the self-respect to grow old alone and free from the yoke of sexual attraction. And they’re the ones who are RIGHT.

    In case you can’t tell I’m being sarcastic.

    @ Frank: It all evens out Frank. “Perv” is what we call SEXUALLY UNSUCCESSFUL older guys – guys who go around creeping younger women out. We have names for sexually unsuccessful people of all ages and genders. A sexually unsuccessful yet forward woman gets called “desperate” and accused of “not respecting herself” (by other women like Judy!), a label that’s not much better.

    As for sexually successful older guys who get called pervs – well, chalk that up to playa hatred, an experience shared by sexually successful men of all ages.

    Frank and Judy should date. Flip sides of the same coin.

  6. for Society to refer to older woman a cougar and an older man a perve or creepy is just another example of Anti Male fascism know as feminism.
    I dont believe anything about sexual peaks…its all a bunch of bullshit to justify someones particular point of view regarding sexuality, its hyprocy at the worst.
    You want the name Cougar to be respected? Then demand the equal respect for the Older Men who have strong desires as well…ITS ALL ABOUT EQUALITY!

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