Your Call:Why Didn’t He Invite Me to Thanksgiving?

roast_turkey_thanksgiving0003photo by tuchodi

Dear Em & Lo,

My boyfriend and I have been seriously dating for a few months now, although over the course of the past eight months we’ve gone from buddies, to friends with benefits, to best friends with benefits, to head-over-heels in love. Since we’re fairly serious about each other, and since I’ve already met his father, I was really hoping that he’d invite me to go with him to visit his family for Thanksgiving. My own family is 800 miles away so I won’t be able to see them this year, and his is only a few hours’ drive.

I don’t want to flat-out ask him to take me along, but I’m not sure what to do, and the closer the holiday gets, the more disappointed I feel.  I’ve dropped a few hints — I’m very sad I’ll be without my family for Thanksgiving, I have extra vacation, I wish I were having turkey this year – but he’s either oblivious and hasn’t thought about inviting me, or he really doesn’t want me to go. He even went as far as complaining about driving there by himself, when a willing travel partner was sitting right beside him. He also offered to “do Thanksgiving” with me the weekend before.

My question is — should I be upset? Should I tell him I’m upset? I wouldn’t be afraid to ask to meet his family if they lived here, but I’m hesitant to demand an invitation to visit them in another state. I don’t think it’s anything he’s embarrassed about or wants to keep from me, and we’ve taken trips together, so I know it’s not that either.  Maybe he just doesn’t like to do the family thing this early in the relationship?  But he talks about the things we’ll be doing a year from now, so it’s not like he’s not committed to me.

Maybe Thanksgiving just isn’t a big deal to him, but I’d really like to spend the holiday with someone I love. THE someone I love, as a matter of fact. I would love your advice.

— Cold Turkey

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  1. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. We both work on seperate crew ship so we hardly get to see each other. I’ve been on vacation for the past three months and I’ve finally gotten the chance to see where he lives but he never introduced me to his family who lives 30 minutes away. The other day he came home for thanks giving and he didn’t even called or text me. Whenever I talk to him about stuff like that he keep saying am pressuring him. I don’t know what else to do. Please help me.

  2. I think that mostly of us are forgetting a very important detail: We are talking about a person who will spend the Thanksgiving day ALONE.

    Many comments are saying “well, it would be weird to invite someone too soon” or like “his family maybe will take it wrong”. I would be agree with you mostly times because I have a big family that always assume that all boys around me are my boyfriends. The easiest way to describe them is like “My Fat Greek Wedding” family. Yes, that akward!
    But honestly, I wouldn’t let someone I know alone on a special date. I prefer to pass for an akward moment instead to leave that person feeling miserable. In fact, I did it one year with a friend (a boy) on Christmas. It was weird at the moment and it was been weird when my relatives asked for him the next year, but at least he has a good day.

    It seems that this guy didn’t care about that. I will ask him inmediatly for an explanation for that, because honestly, I don’t see any reason for neglecting so badly someone he loves. And also, if I was you, I would ask to someone to spend the Thanksgiving day with them (please, without “hitting things”), because clearly you won’t do it with this guy.

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