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Your Call: I Finally Escaped a 13-Year Toxic Marriage. Now What?

April 14, 2014

4 Comments

We get a lot of questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to respond to a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your thoughts in the comments section. 

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Dear Em & Lo,

I am 30 years old and a single mother of 4. I just got out of a very toxic relationship of 13 years. I got married when I was 18 to a man eleven years my senior — yes, I was young and dumb. But I also grew up in poverty (my parents got sponsored to the United States just before I was born) and when I was growing up I was not educated enough to understand what a good man is.

Long story short, I accepted so many wrong things and allowed so much wrong doings in my last relationship that I almost want to become anti-social, and just do everything at home, no matter if it’s school, work, or even shopping. During my 13 years of marriage, I became oppressed and stopped everything that kept me happy and devoted my life to this man.

Now that I finally got out of the relationship, I am ready to live again, I am back in school, socializing, just engaging with society — I feel like I’m 18 again and doing everything that I stopped doing when I got married. I don’t know if this is a good or bad thing, but it really feels like I am catching up with everything I missed out on.

I’m afraid to fall in love with the wrong person and be abused in every way. I’m afraid of being alone as well — I think that’s why I stayed in the relationship for so long. Taking and dealing with all this really FUCKED me up.

I need so much help! How can I move forward?

– The Not So Gay Divorcee

What do you think N.S.G.D. should do? Leave your suggestions for her in the comments section below. 

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Your Call: How Can I Get Her to Let Me In?

April 7, 2014

2 Comments

photo via Flickr

We get a lot of questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to respond to a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your deep thoughts in the comments section. 

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I have been dating this gal for about 18 months now and recently she said we were getting too familiar. She was widowed seven years ago and when she feels she is falling for me, then she closes up and drives me away. She wants to be friends but does not want to go out and do things friends do. We play cards twice a week but she barely talks to me (though she does chat with others). Any suggestions as to how to get things on the right track again?

– The Outsider

What do you think T.O. should do? Leave your suggestions in the comments section below. 

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Your Call: What’s the Difference Between Make-Up & Photoshop?

March 24, 2014

2 Comments

photo via Flickr

We get a lot of questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to respond to a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your deep thoughts in the comments section. 

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Hi,

I just read the question and response about the lady who felt bad because her husband had slightly photo-shopped photos he had taken of her nude body.  I thought your response was absolutely excellent.

However, this made me think a bit about photo-shopping in general, which is used, bluntly speaking, to present a version of the woman that is somewhat removed from the reality.

So, how different is this from women using make-up and other beauty treatments?  In my mind, make-up is merely ‘old-style low tech’ photo-shopping.

When a woman uses mascara, eye-liner, blush, and all the other things that guys like me can’t identify on a bet, they are altering their true image.  Yet, very few women will go out in public without doing this.

I’m not suggesting this is wrong, or a bad thing.  It is just the way things are.  And a bad or extreme photo-shopped image is terrible, just like overdone, or poorly applied make-up.

What do you think?

Steve

What do you think about Steve’s point? Leave your deep thoughts in the comments section below. Ours is this video:

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When Do I Tell a New Partner I Want an Open Relationship?

March 18, 2014

3 Comments

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. You can leave your advice in the comments section below. 

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Dear Em & Lo,

I’m a single guy and I’m fairly active on the dating scene. When I eventually get into a long-term relationship, I’d like it to be an open relationship, but I don’t know when and how to bring this up with new partners. I don’t want to scare a woman off by mentioning it too soon, but I don’t want to be accused of leading her on, either. When’s the right time to mention that long-term monogamy isn’t really my thing?

– Free Willy

What’s your advice for Free Willy? Leave your suggestions in the comments section below.

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Your Call: Why Are Younger Guys Suddenly Hitting On Me?

March 3, 2014

2 Comments

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. You can leave your advice in the comments section below. 

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Dear Em & Lo,

Ever since I’ve turned 35, I’ve been getting a LOT of attention from guys 25 and under. Should I be flattered because, as I’ve been told, I “give off confident sexy older woman vibes”? Or horrified that an older woman is just something on their “to do” list? What is the real appeal of an older woman?

– Accidental Cougar

What do you have to say to Accidental Cougar? Is this attention personal, or just a matter of guys wanting to check off a box? And what is the age-old appeal of an older woman?

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Your Call: Do Bigger Penises Lead to Different Orgasms for Women?

February 18, 2014

6 Comments


photo via Flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section.

Dear Em & Lo,

Are the G-Spot orgasm and vaginal orgasm the same thing?

Assuming they’re different: I have an average penis size of 6 inches in lenth and 5 inches girth — am I able to give a woman a G-Spot or vaginal orgasm?

I have read about women saying only above average penises (8 inches mentioned the most) can reach certain spots in the vagina to produce these orgasms. I wouldn’t say I am insecure about myself or my size, but I would just like to know if this is true.

And let’s face it: Even if it is true, there isn’t much I can do to get to 8 inches anyway is there! I would just concentrate on trying to please through the clitoris instead.

– Average Joe

What advice or insight do you have to share with Average Joe about G-spot vs. vaginal orgasms and penis size? Leave your comments in the feedback section below.

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Your Call: I Was Bitchy, Now He Won’t See Me

February 10, 2014

7 Comments


photo via flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section.

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

Dear Em and Lo,

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve been seeing this guy for more than a year. We used to get along perfectly, share laughs, get crazy. Of course I had my down moments here and there: I was a little bit depressed and I have a tendency to wallow. Anyway, now my hyper-sensitivity has turned into anger and irritation. If he’s late for our date, I ruin the date by pointing out how not nice it is to be late. I love the guy, I think he’s nice, but now the fact that I’m a yeller creeps him out and turns him off completely. And then he started not being nice to me.  Now he’s refusing to see me, saying I’m stressing out. I don’t know what to do. Should I continue to try to see him? Or is it too late and I’ve already lost him? If he ends up sticking around, will it only be because he hasn’t found anyone else worth leaving me for?  I’m desperate …

– Untamed Shrew

What should U.S. do? Leave your advice in the comments section below.

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Your Call: Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

February 3, 2014

9 Comments

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section.

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

Dear Em and Lo,

I’ve been in a loving 18-month relationship, about half of which is long distance. My boyfriend was unfaithful a prior girlfriend, a few years before me. His infidelity resulted in the birth of a child, who lives in another country with the child’s mother. I found this out about about his son five months into our long distance relationship.

When I confronted him, he immediately confessed and explained that he was scared to tell me when we first met –and the omission spiraled out of control. This revelation was very distressing, but he throughly explained the reasons for his lie and infidelity to his past girlfriend. I made the choice to forgive him. I also confessed to him that my prior serious relationship ended in a rampage of cheating, leaving me feeling foolish and deeply hurt. I don’t think I have fully recovered. I know that I have trouble trusting and opening up.

Since then, our relationship has been much stronger and I feel he is someone I want to continue loving… possibly for a long time. He makes me feel like I can have a healthy relationship again. We challenge and compliment each other well.

Unfortunately, during my last visit I came across some old flirtatious text messages (yeah I was snooping, old habits die hard) on his phone. From what I gather nothing physical happened, but his flirting really hurt me. We throughly discussed it and I forgave him. I thought we moved past it, and we started to heal again.

I went to live with him for four months, met his parents, friends and relatives. But every couple of months I bring it up and I rage at him; he has not betrayed my trust since the texts. My gut is screaming at me that history is about to repeat itself. But I know my past issues make my gut rather faulty.

– Gutless or gullible?

What should Gutless-or-Gullible do? Leave your advice in the comments section below.

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Your Call: Is He Still Mourning…Or Just Not That Into Me?

January 20, 2014

3 Comments

photo via Flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section.

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

 

Dear Em & Lo,

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years and I live with him. His sister died a couple of months ago and his mother died five years ago and I have seen a change in him, and it’s starting to affect our relationship. He has conversations with other girls and I feel he doesn’t accept me as his girlfriend as I want him to. I love him but I don’t feel the love as often as I used to and I am confused. Is he still dealing with his sister’s death? Or is it that he can’t deal with me anymore?

– Out in the Cold

Leave your advice for Out in the Cold in the comments section below.

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Your Call: Can I Expect Pleasure If My Wife Is in Pain?

January 13, 2014

8 Comments


photo via Flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section.

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

 

Dear Em & Lo,

My wife has a condition that basically when she has an orgasm she has very uncomfortable pain in her chest and coughs for a period of time. Now this is not that she is unable to have an orgasm its that she currently doesn’t feel that an orgasm is worth the pain and discomfort that it will cause.  So obviously that means no sex. This has been the case for the last 3 months. 

I have been patient but I want to feel the connection that sex brings. I am ok with not having vaginal sex so that she doesn’t have an orgasm, but there are many things that she can do with me that would make me feel that same or at least close-to-the-same connection that the intimacy of love-making brings. I have said that I would be ok with just having her lie next to me while I masturbated (she would not even have to touch me) just so I can feel close to her in an intimate way.

So my question is: am I out of line and unreasonable to ask some kind of intimate replacement for vaginal sex from her or should I not expect to have an orgasm if she isn’t as well? I am willing to do whatever she wants and is willing to do in order to achieve the intimacy, but she does not want to do anything.

– Neglected

What advice do you have for Neglected? Leave it in the comments section below.

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