photo by Vacasion

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

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Dear Em & Lo,

Last night, while watching a movie with an orgy/group sex party in it, my long term BF suggested that it would be sexy to try something like that, expect only have sex with each other (no swinging). He likes the idea of having sex while other people watch and I admit it is exciting to try something new that will spice things up and bring us closer.

However, I am a bit nervous about some things and also have no idea where to go to find such a party! I am nervous about being naked in front of strangers, my BF wanting to have sex with someone else, or someone trying to join us. Any advice would be great!

– Eyes Wide Shut

How should E.W.S. proceed? Leave your feedback in the comments section below.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

• Confession: 8 Rules for the Third Wheel in a Threeway
• Poll: Have You Ever Had a Threesome?
• Wise Guys: Can a Man Be Talked into an Open Relationship?

photo via flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve known this guy for over a year and run into him every now and then in a bar that we both frequent. The other night I saw him and he was flirty and said that he was hoping to run into me and he was happy to see me and then proceeded with the ole “We have chemistry,” etc.  After making out, we decided to go back to my place to, what was pretty much agreed on, have sex. When we got to my place, he casually told me that he had a girlfriend. (When I inquired, he said that it was a casual situation.) We did not have sex. My question is: Why would a guy ruin a sure thing, by saying he had a girlfriend? Did he want to make sure I didn’t take the sex seriously? Or is he simply a guy and didn’t think?

– Blue Box

What should B.B. think about this guy’s actions? Leave your feedback in the comments section below.

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We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. We’re tempted to give this guy a piece of our mind, but we have a feeling that you, dear readers, are more than up to the task!

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Dear Em & Lo,

I’m with a woman who has three daughters from different fathers. I’ve known her for a very long time as I’m a family friend — when we both met we liked each other, but never did anything about it. Now we live together but she really likes to have sex. Likes porn, loves to fantasize during sex. I know she has had sex with at least two women and she’s just wild when it comes to sex.

We have good sex (I think) but she never gets enough. It’s not a problem for me as I am more than capable, but it’s bothering me to think she has had lots of sex before me. Am I overreacting? She says it’s never been the same with other partners because she loves me. I find that to be such a BS excuse. I think she’s slutty, just from a guy’s point of view. I don’t know what to think, but I’m not that convinced with this girl. Help Me…

– Too Good to Be True

What’s your advice for Mr. Too Good to Be True? Leave your suggestions (slash ass-kicking) in the comments section below!

photo via Wiki Commons

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

Dear Em & Lo,

Intellectually, I get porn and how it works for guys. I myself like the occasional erotica collection. But emotionally, I still can’t help but feel really bad when I stumble upon some of my live-in boyfriend’s “smut.” We have a sort of don’t ask, don’t tell policy regarding porn, but it’s hard to hide 100% of the time. Most days I can forget about it — a sort of forced denial — but when I really think about it, it just depresses me. Sometimes I wonder if it negatively affects our sex life: if I’m not in the mood, he turns to porn, he gets satisfied there, then doesn’t initiate sex with me, and he keeps not initiating sex with me because porn will always be in the mood. I just came across this Male Anti-Masturbation Movement thing via your site and can’t help but wonder if something like that might be good for our relationship — if he took a break from porn and focused on me, I’d feel better about the sex and not just feel like a porn substitute, which would make me want to have sex more. I’m not saying “ban all porn!” I’m just wondering if you agree that a porn diet might actually benefit our relationship…? And if so, how I should go about suggesting it…?

– Torn About Porn

What should T.A.P. do? Let her know in the comments section below.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

Dear Em & Lo,

My boyfriend and I have been together for more than 3 years now. We met and quickly fell in love. He left his current girlfriend for me and we had what I would call the best first year. I was a virgin when I met him and despite not knowing anything about sex, our sex was passionate and amazing. However, everything seemed to go downhill from then.

The 2nd year and the 3rd year we started to get in a lot of arguments. We broke up frequently. He cheated on me once and slept with another girl when we broke up, and I think we have been very confused about our relationship.

We’re together now and I think we have been much more honest and open with each other about our problems. I finally had the courage to speak about our sex and I explained to him that I didn’t feel ‘loved’ when we had sex anymore. When we have sex these days it usually feels very mechanical and unsatisfying. I’m very confused about whether this is a “fixable” matter. I love him and have no doubt that he loves me and I don’t understand why sex would feel distant and unsatisfying with the one I love. I don’t think it’s a matter of technique. To be honest I don’t think better techniques would make me feel loved or satisfied.

Em & Lo, what do you think? Do you think it’s too late? Do you think we should break up and start over with someone else? And most importantly, what’s going on with our sex life!!?

– Going Through the Motions

What should G.T.T.M. do? Leave advice for her in the comments section below.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

• How Do I Re-Enter the Dating Pool?
• How to Let Someone Down Easy
• Do I Need to Sleep with Someone New to Get Over My Ex?

photo via Flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years now. We are VERY close. I can see myself growing old with him. We’ve been having threesomes with guys, and it’s really spiced up our sex life. Not just when there’s a third around but when it’s just the two of us. Recently I went to hang out with my guy friend who I am very much attracted to. My boyfriend told me I can go ahead and have sex with him if I wanted. At first the idea made me upset, I told him it would feel like cheating. But as we talked about it more it seemed like and ok thing to do. I’m still unsure of it even though I wouldn’t mind at all having sex with him. My boyfriend wants to tell my friend that he not only is allowing me to have sex with him, but that he wants me to. This puts me in an awkward situation and I’m not to sure how I feel about it. Even though I want to. Im not even sure if my friend wants to have sex…I need some advice…

– The Luckiest Girl in the World?

What should LGinW do? Leave advice for her in the comments section below.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

• Confession: 8 Rules for the Third Wheel in a Threeway
• Poll: Have You Ever Had a Threesome?
• Wise Guys: Can a Man Be Talked into an Open Relationship?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

Dear Em & Lo,

So I met this guy clubbing and we ended up at a motel and got it on. I was expecting a one-night stand, but he asked if I wanted breakfast and the conversation was great and it lead to a next date with no sex.

For a few weeks he called and texted and we were sort of dating, though we never defined anything (on my birthday, he came with a present and a card). Then about a month after that, I realized he was losing interest. I was into him, so had “the talk,” and I decided to call it off — he seemed to understand, but no objection.

Then about 2 months after that, I called him and we met for drinks and it turned into a booty call. I felt a bit sad as I still had feelings, but he didn’t seem to. A month later, I drunk-dialed and we met and just did our thing. Then again last week. I now know why I am meeting up with him — it’s no longer for a relationship, I think it is because I like to be intimate with HIM and am currently not seeing anyone.

I wanna keep it less frequent but have ground rules, like, only when we are single and such. Also, all the booty calls were made by me and he would come to me. I sort of like it that way, as it is upon my convenience, but also wonder why he would not? I’m also scared that if I even bring up any kind of talk to define anything, he will will just vanish.

Some friends say to stay away as he doesnt seem to value anything. I dunno what to do… just forget it until I am in the mood again… is he not even f-buddy material?

– (A Different Kind Of) Rules Girl

What should Rules Girl do? Leave advice for her in the comments section below.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

• How Do I Know When It’s Time for “The Talk”?
• What Turns a Hook-Up Into a Girlfriend?
• How Can I Tell If a Guy Is Playing Games?

photo via flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

Dear Em & Lo,

Five-ish months ago, I broke up with my first boyfriend. Obviously, there were problems, but it was a really significant relationship. And, there were some really great things about it: the sex; the emotional and intellectual chemistry; feeling sexy, attractive, and flirty; etc.

About two months post-break up, I figured it was time to re-enter the dating pool. I didn’t want to lose the “I’m sexy, attractive, and flirty” feeling I had in the relationship. But, the more I dated, the more crazy, desperate, and insecure I became. Also, the more I dated, the more I missed the ex. I figured it was in my best interest to stop dating, truly get over the ex, and be alone until I was okay being alone.

I sort of miss the ex from time to time, but that’s pretty much over. However, I really hate this being alone stuff. So, my question(s) for you is this: How do you re-enter the dating pool? How do you get out of the I’m-lonely-and-just-want-someone-to-cuddle-with phase and back into the how-many-men-can-I-seduce-tonight mode?

– Water Wings

What should W.W. do? Leave advice for her in the comments section below.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

• How Do I Know When It’s Time for “The Talk”?
• What Turns a Hook-Up Into a Girlfriend?
• How Can I Tell If a Guy Is Playing Games?

photo via Flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

Been married for thirty-six years and when we have sex he is really amazing. The problem is we have sex only once every 1 to 2 years! It has always been sorta few and far between.

This is what really bothers me: he says it has to be when he is ready, when he is in the mood. Believe me, if it was when I wanted it, it would be at least twice a month.

How can I get him to realize that sometimes it makes me feel like my opinions or feelings do not matter to him?

— Blue Box

What should B.B. do? Let her know in the comments section below.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

• Are Men Really Romantic Or Do They Just Fake It?
• 5 Ways That Getting Kinky Can Improve Your Relationship
• If He’s Being Secretive, He’s Either a Spy or a Player

image via flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

I have been single for several years. I am a divorced forty year old woman with an almost 18-year-old son. I’ve been divorced for 7 years and have only been in one serious relationship and have had 2 short lived “flings” and now this. I’ve been seeing a 30 year old guy (single, never married, no kids) for about 4 months now.

Firstly, I don’t know how to date. Early on I freaked out because I was developing feelings and got scared and had a meltdown. We talked it out and I put all my feelings out there and since then I have just tried to be honest about how I feel. I haven’t played the game of playing hard to get or any of that. If I want to see him or talk to him I contact him and tell him.

He is a very reserved guy and likes a lot of alone time to himself. For the most part I am good with that.We have talked about how I feel when I want to see him and he declines and he has told me that I should not take it personally because he works two jobs and he does require alone time and it has nothing to do with me.

But my feelings are deepening and I want to have “the talk” with him to see how he feels about me. Lately I feel like he is keeping me at a distance more than when we first started seeing each other. He used to initiate spending time with me more than he does now and I don’t know what to do because it makes me feel sad and insecure about everything.

He previously had told me with his past relationships that at the 6 month point he figures he should know if the realtionship is going somewhere.(None for him have lasted more than six months since a 3 year high school relationship.)

My question is, do I have the talk with him now because my feelings get hurt when he doesn’t want to see me and I really just want to know where we are, or do I wait a couple of months and give him his space and see what happens? I don’t want to scare him off, but I do want to know how he feels, because I know how I feel and I want to get closer to him…and get out of my head because I want to be with him and when he doesn’t contact me for a day or two or declines seeing me if I ask to get together I get hurt and confused because I don’t know how he really feels and I’m not sure what to do.

Like I said, I don’t want to scare him off so I wonder if I should just hang in there and see what happens or just force the issue for better or worse so at least I know what’s up. Help?!

– Tongue-Tied

What should T.T. do? Let her know in the comments section below.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

• Are Men Really Romantic Or Do They Just Fake It?
• 5 Ways That Getting Kinky Can Improve Your Relationship
• If He’s Being Secretive, He’s Either a Spy or a Player