Your Call: Should You Tell Your Roommates You Can Hear Them Screwing?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

I’m staying at my friend  and her boyfriend’s house for a couple of months until my flat is ready to move in to. She told me they are actively trying for a baby.  Which is wonderful. The thing is: some evening’s but mostly mornings over the past 3 weeks I can hear them having sex. What I feel bad about is that I start to get aroused. Do I tell her I can hear her?  Would she understand why I’m telling her (i.e. so she can keep the noise down a bit)? Would she want to know? Or will this just embarrass her? I personally would like to be told gently. Btw, I’ve tried ear plugs, they don’t really work. And  I’m right next door, so if I put the telly on that may put them off, which is not my intention. Thanks for any advice!

— Bleeding Ears

What should B.E. do?
Let them know in the comments below!


  1. You are a short term guest, and your hostess has already explained they are trying to conceive, don’t put any additional pressure on them by telling them you can hear them. If you are getting turned on by their sounds of passion, enjoy your temporary situation.

  2. I think you should inform your roommate and let them know that you can hear them getting it on, especially if it’s bothering you. I personally don’t like hearing people have sex especially if the person is super loud it’s inconsiderate in my opinion. I don’t want people to hear me having sex so I try my hardest to tone down on my moaning.

    1. I agree– I think making noise that may disturb your house-mate, sex or not, can be somewhat rude. Now, I’m sure it is not purposeful, and if you respectfully address it, there shouldn’t be much of an issue. Clearly you are not too bothered by the noise as it turns you on, but it may be good to inform them that you can hear..they may want to know! If they feel uncomfortable with the fact that you can hear them, then they will probably keep the noise down.

  3. I totally agree with Alan. If this were a permanent room-mate-agreement, I would probably say something (and in fact it is something I spoke to about with my room-mates when we were still sharing – can you hear me? Would it be better if I put on some music? etc)

    But you are their guest, baby-making is harder than most people think, and they really don’t need the added stress of trying to be quiet (which can really kill the mood) or trying to fit their baby-making-sessions into a schedule that doesn’t disturb your sleep. Just invest in some decent and comfortable headphones, stream some sleepy-music and ignore them. You can demand to be made godmother once they are pregnant as a compensation, considering you were basically there during conception.

  4. Given that they’ve been so good as to put you up you should say nothing. Even if they push you out of the way and fuck on the kitchen table while you’re trying to make a sandwich you should say nothing. But seriously…they’ve already sortta apologized by telling you they’re in the baby-making vein and you are their guest. If you say anything at all they’ll probably–what with being hosts and all–overcompensate and make you all miserable. So just be a good guest and suck it up. Next year, when playing with the infant, you can tell them the story and you’ll all have a good laugh after which they’ll pummel you for reminding them that people sometimes sleep.

    1. Agreed. YOU are the guest, and they’ve already shared far more than they need to. Be happy for them, rub a few out, and celebrate when their bundle of joy arrives!

  5. When you say “morning,” do you mean they’re waking you up at the crack of dawn? Because otherwise, no. If you’re not losing sleep over it, stay mum. Especially since you’re not even really a proper room mate – more of a friend who they’re helping out in a tight spot.

    … and ESPECIALLY since the “problem” isn’t that it bothers you, but that it makes you horny.

    1. Tell them it’s making you horny and who knows, maybe they’ll invite you to join in. You know, if you’re into that kind of thing.

  6. I’ve actually dealt with a similar situation. It was really awkward but it was a conversation that needed to happen– especially since they were having sex during the daytime hours. (At night, it’s a little easier for you to avoid). I would just tell her gently and ask if she would be able to play some music when they’re having sex to cover up the noise. I wouldn’t tell her it’s arousing you, just tell her that sometimes you hear them having sex and you were wondering if they could play some music or give you a warning. 🙂

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