Dear Em & Lo,
I’m an 18-year-old girl/woman and I want to be more sexually active, but every time I have sex with my boyfriend I orgasm super quickly (like in less than 5 minutes) and it feels weird to keep going. What should I do? I really want to keep up with my boyfriend but he says he could go for hours but I can only last for minutes.
— Early Bird
Dear Early Bird,
We’re publishing your letter despite the fact that we know how many of our female readers will be thinking, And her problem is what, exactly? This is one of those problems that a lot of women would love to have. But just like there are men out there who can’t enjoy sex because their penis is too big, there are women like you who are troubled by how quickly and easily they climax. (And we suppose there are men and women alike who truly believe that it ain’t easy being beautiful — but that’s for another advice column.)
We’re not entirely sure what you mean when you say that it feels “weird” to keep going after you’ve climaxed. Do you mean weird emotionally and psychologically? Like, you feel like a faker or you feel silly? Because you don’t need to feel any of these things. It’s perfectly normal to keep going after you climax — in fact, it’s one of the best things about being a woman. A man who climaxes first and then “keeps going” until his partner has climaxed is more limited in his options, due to his flagging member — he pretty much has to stick to oral and manual sex after that.
But perhaps intercourse feels physically weird after you’ve climaxed? Which would make sense, because a lot of women tend to be even more sensitive after they’ve had an orgasm. This helps to explain why, for some women, intercourse actually feels better after an orgasm — and why, for some women, the first orgasm is kind of like breaking the seal, and after that, the orgasms keep on coming (as it were). But perhaps things are too sensitive for you after intercourse? In which case maybe you just need to switch things up, move to oral or manual sex for a bit, then back to intercourse? Or just change positions into one that stimulates you in a different way? It’s all a matter of experimenting until you find what feels good — and not weird.
The best part of all this experimentation is that there may just be another orgasm in it for you! If you can relax and not stress out about how “weird” it is to climax so quickly — and it’s not weird, we promise you: it’s awesome! — then you may just find yourself climaxing again. And again. In which case, you should definitely not brag about this “problem” to our other female readers!
Bird by bird,
Em & Lo