Dear Em & Lo: I Climax Too Early (And I’m a Woman!)

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Dear Em & Lo,

I’m an 18-year-old girl/woman and I want to be more sexually active, but every time I have sex with my boyfriend I orgasm super quickly (like in less than 5 minutes) and it feels weird to keep going. What should I do? I really want to keep up with my boyfriend but he says he could go for hours but I can only last for minutes.

— Early Bird

Dear Early Bird,

We’re publishing your letter despite the fact that we know how many of our female readers will be thinking, And her problem is what, exactly? This is one of those problems that a lot of women would love to have. But just like there are men out there who can’t enjoy sex because their penis is too big, there are women like you who are troubled by how quickly and easily they climax. (And we suppose there are men and women alike who truly believe that it ain’t easy being beautiful — but that’s for another advice column.)

We’re not entirely sure what you mean when you say that it feels “weird” to keep going after you’ve climaxed. Do you mean weird emotionally and psychologically? Like, you feel like a faker or you feel silly? Because you don’t need to feel any of these things. It’s perfectly normal to keep going after you climax — in fact, it’s one of the best things about being a woman. A man who climaxes first and then “keeps going” until his partner has climaxed is more limited in his options, due to his flagging member — he pretty much has to stick to oral and manual sex after that.

But perhaps intercourse feels physically weird after you’ve climaxed? Which would make sense, because a lot of women tend to be even more sensitive after they’ve had an orgasm. This helps to explain why, for some women, intercourse actually feels better after an orgasm — and why, for some women, the first orgasm is kind of like breaking the seal, and after that, the orgasms keep on coming (as it were). But perhaps things are too sensitive for you after intercourse? In which case maybe you just need to switch things up, move to oral or manual sex for a bit, then back to intercourse? Or just change positions into one that stimulates you in a different way? It’s all a matter of experimenting until you find what feels good — and not weird.

The best part of all this experimentation is that there may just be another orgasm in it for you! If you can relax and not stress out about how “weird” it is to climax so quickly — and it’s not weird, we promise you: it’s awesome! — then you may just find yourself climaxing again. And again. In which case, you should definitely not brag about this “problem” to our other female readers!

Bird by bird,

Em & Lo


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12 Comments on "Dear Em & Lo: I Climax Too Early (And I’m a Woman!)"

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o god thanks ladies for bringing this up. cos i thought something was wrong with me. and the guy said “usually girls have no problem coming again and again”. and i think to myself – i’m not feeling it. yes i had that super soon orgasm but when i told him i would probably need a break to climax again he thought that’s odd. i can relate. the weird feeling. it’s like continue doing something that felt super intense a minute ago but now it’s just nothing. zero. you do something sexual yet you don’t feelit as something sexual. more… Read more »

I don’t know what to do and I felt like I was the only one. I climax prematurely.. and I don’t know if it is even an orgasm, but I think it is.. I get them BEFORE there is even intercourse. It starts when there is foreplay, Kissing.. the rubbing.. and I have an orgasm and it’s over. Back to Zero… nothing.. I keep going but there is nothing there.. I don’t know if I should see my Dr. What could a Dr do?


Think about something disgusting, or concerntrate on so something else.


Well for me its just the kissing my nipples and foreplay that makes me climax early. I really do understand your plight early bird.I kinda wish there was a straight answer like take this fruit it’ll help or something straight.

Sorry for the long-winded response, I realized I didn’t provide much substantive advice, and just rambled on about myself. Here’s what I would advise: Post-orgasm, esp. if you are feeling more sensitive down there, take a break from the intercourse and cuddle/play a little bit. Sometimes my boyfriend will play with my nipples (I LOVE this) and kiss/nibble at my neck. Consider keeping him up (or help him along if you want to finish faster) with a little manual or oral sex. Sometimes it really helps me to change my focus back to his pleasure, and servicing him often turns… Read more »
I don’t have the problem of coming so easily or quickly like the letter’s author, and I certainly don’t orgasm every time I have sex, but I do empathize with her b/c when I do orgasm (currently averaging 1 orgasm every 3 sex sessions), afterwards I do tend to lose some interest in the sex we are having, it just doesn’t feel the same. There are many reasons why I think this happens to me. I sometimes chalk this up partly to my long-established habit of using masturbation as a sleep-aid; after the release, I just want to relax and… Read more »
I’d have thought that those women who haven’t had problems orgasming in their teens would be quite likely to have orgasms more quickly then than later on. That was certainly true for me. If I was really turned on, I would sometimes come in mere moments (which isn’t as much fun as it sounds like — it was often less satisfying than taking more time). I’m pretty sure I slowed down quite a bit by the time I was 20 or so. So if Early Bird is like me, she may well just grow out of this problem in the… Read more »