We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make YOUR CALL on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We’re very serious and have been talking about getting married, especially now that we can! I love him, he’s great…except in this one area: When we fight, he gets super mad and resorts to low blows. If he feels I’ve criticized him in some way that makes him feel bad, he tries to hit back with something super personal, mean and hurtful. When we disagree, he gets dismissive and condescending. He’ll call me crazy or stupid and will melodramatically scream “We’re doomed!” or “We should break up!” He eventually comes around and apologizes when he’s calmed down. I don’t think he’s genuinely abusive, I just think he’s insecure and doesn’t have the right filters due to a less than stellar family upbringing. I expect fights in any relationship, I just think in a respectful relationship the fighting has to be FAIR — no insults, no low blows, no disrespect. How can I get my boyfriend to see and respect that. Or, to use his language, are we doomed?
— Whipping Boy