Yesterday our first weekly column appeared in Metro, the 6th largest circulated newspaper in the U.S., with an audience of more than 1.2 million daily readers in New York, Boston, and Philadelphia. If you’re outside these three cities or missed us on your morning commute, we’ll be reprinting our how-to column, unabridged, every Wednesday. This week’s edition is on one-night stands.
Just because the sex is casual, doesn’t mean your manners should be:
- Don’t have a one-night stand with a co-worker, sibling’s friend, friend’s sibling, ex’s friend, friend’s ex, mail carrier, or anyone else you’re likely to bump into often. Do have one on vacation or a business trip, but only if you don’t have someone waiting at home for you.
- Make sure the fleeting nature of the encounter is mutual; if you think the other person foresees a beautiful relationship developing, abort mission. In the right kind of environment, you might even be able to say, with a cheeky grin, “Let’s have sex and never see each other again.” If not, you’ll just have to intuit things.
- That said, once mutual casual interest is established, no need to harp on the issue (for example, with a post-climax “So just to confirm, I can go now, right?”).
- Keep the emotional baggage light and the mood breezy: Don’t talk about family, exes, therapy, or love. And no candle-light.
- But just because you may not care to see each other again, you still need to care about each other’s safety. Talk about your sexual history and health: “By the way, I have HPV” won’t be so difficult to admit when you’ve only got a fling to lose. And condoms, of course, are a must!
- That said, remember that condoms can’t always protect you from everything (including a fibbing stranger), so don’t be surprised if you wake up with a case of herpes a few weeks from now.
- Because this person doesn’t know you so well, use it as an opportunity to experiment: be a little kinkier, whatever that means for you. Perhaps it’s role-playing and spanking, or perhaps it’s just doing it doggie-style. But if you’re going to attempt any dirty talk, never demand, “Say my name,” just in case the other person already forgot it (awkward). Also, never let a stranger tie you up (duh).
- Remember that reciprocity has to happen now, during this one-and-only session, so be giving…and demanding.
- No need to spoon, but let’s be grownups here: Past midnight, it’s just polite to offer to share your bed for the night — and a cup of coffee the next morning.
- If you never want to see them again, don’t lie and say you’ll call. Go instead with a simple, sincere, “I had a totally awesome time” (high-five optional).