Wise Guys: Gagging During Oral — Hot or Not?

photo by Public Domain Photos

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: What do men think about a woman gagging while giving oral sex? How does the fact that it’s a porn trope affect your real life experiences? Is it a turn on or do most men just feel bad for the woman because she’s obviously uncomfortable?”
Gay Single Guy (Angelo Nikolopoulos): As someone who’s been both gagee and gagger, I’m conflicted. While it is thrilling to imagine that your tool is insurmountably large, having your partner on the perpetual verge of tears/ralphing can’t, I imagine, be that sexy. So here’s some practical advice for the Gagging Gal: behold The Python: he sits up and you lie on your side behind him so you can coil around his waist and come at his unit from one side (and slightly above). I find the penile trajectory to be, well, more palatable in this position—though peppering in a few well-timed gags couldn’t hurt either.

Straight Committed Guy (Johnny): For me, it’s a turn-on to watch. What can I say? Like many men I’ve had my brain warped by pornography. That said, I’ve only ever met one woman who said she liked being gagged (I never did find out for myself). Most women I’ve talked to about blowjobs or have been with personally — even the kinkiest ones — are really turned off by gagging. Degredation aside, the sensation of almost puking is awful. The closest I’ve ever come to receiving this experience is gagging on a tongue depressor at the doctors office, and that was anything but hot. So I’ve relegated the gag thing to the bin of over-the-line fantasy — those fantasies which one can not reasonably expect a partner to indulge, like doodoo fantasies or bestiality ones. I wouldn’t want a woman to do something in bed that she hates.

P.S. Did you know that the scientific name for… I can’t think of a polite way to describe the behavior… anyway, it’s called “irrumatio.” Now you know, if you didn’t already.

chris_diclericoStraight Single Guy (Chris): I personally don’t like the idea of a girl choking and crying and throwing up on my penis, but certainly love how a proper deep-throat blowjob feels. I am not into the domination thing but I imagine there are guys that love the feeling of power they have over their partner, and get a combination of domination and ego boost from thinking that their penis is so big the girl can’t handle it. And it probably feels pretty good. I’m just not into it at all. Either way, I think porn plays a big factor. It seems that the gagging blowjob has become super commonplace in porn and guys who are prone to this kind of domination behavior must love the idea. (Please bear in mind that I’ve met one or two women who swear they love it too…)

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is Angelo Nikolopoulos, host of an NYC queer reading series The White Swallow; Straight Single Guy is blogger Chris DiClerico; and our Straight Committed Guy is regular EMandLO.com commenter, Johnny. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


  1. Since getting divorced I’ve found a whole new world of sexual adventures. I’ve acquired 2 male doms. I always wanted to be taken charge of and not the , what do you want to do? I had from my ex. They are gorgeous, big strong well built men. It started out with I want to please you, to lets do this,, and i like that, to now being guided all the way by what they want, Dom 1 told me he wanted to gag me, I was sure I’d throw up, but didn’t. He wanted tears, coughing, and eyes running. After a few sessions it’s become easier. My 2nd dom it happened by accident during oral. He got so excited,, did you just gag? I want you to do more of that, I have my hands free to push them off if I feel the choking is getting to be too much. The reward. great oral before, during and after, and great intercourse.

    1. To each their own. But to me, the gagging thing has two problems: 1) Any guy who likes it so obviously likes it because of the impression he gets, however false, that he has a HUGE dick, which just seems kind of pathetically vain (and possibly delusional) And. 2) It involves bringing someone to the brink of vomiting, one of the worst bodily functions in nature (both to experience and to witness), which is about the least sexiest thing I can think of. I’m all for a little endorphin inducing pleasure pain (some spanking, pinching, rough sex, etc etc) but for me, gagging just lacks style, grace and common courtesy.

  2. My partner and I have come to a mutual decision. You want a PBJ (platonic blow job), do not touch me. I will control the job so I can control the deep-throating and lack of gagging. You just holler out if you’re getting close so I’m prepared for the swallow. He is to just relax and enjoy the sensation.

  3. I love giving head and gagging. I don’t do it for show but it happens during a good deep throat from time to time. Most men love it and I had one guy tell me that I didn’t have to do it (as if I don’t enjoy the feeling) which was rather annoying. I have thrown up once which was embarrassing and was not sexy at all….my partner was very proud and turned on by it….so I guess everyone is different! This women loves oral and doesn’t mind chocking…it happens 🙂

  4. Oh, and to ‘Greg’ above who said “she’ll get over it”, thus proving that he doesn’t give a damn about his partner, as long as he gets what he wants, can I just say that you are a complete fucking douche.

  5. Personally I hate the trend in modern porn to basically force a gag response from the woman giving head. Not only is it not sexy, to me it crosses a line in my mind from a couple enjoying sex together, and into one person using and abusing another just to get their own rocks off. Not hot or sexy, just unpleasant.

    To me oral should always be controlled by the giver, so forcing them to go beyond their ability or comfort level is, at best, taking advantage, and at wort, abusive. I don’t like it at all.

  6. I’ve had some guys so thin & pretty short (like 5 inches) who thought I cannot deepthroat, but what they didn’t realize is their penis is simply too small so they’ll never be able to get DT. Now, on to penises that can reach deep in the throat, with some guys they are so damn huge I find I just need to warm up a little to do it w/o gagging. If I’m doing the deepthroating I don’t gag, but its when they grab my damn head & face f-ck the hell out of me is when I’ll gag & tear up, never to the point of vomiting though cause I still am pretty skilled.

    1. I’ve been with 3 men who lied to gag me, they didn’t care if I threw up. though it only happened once, I don’t mind DT but for gods sake let me breathe. 2 of them sat on my face and nearly smothered me. I don’t mind doing it, but let me control it. And why do they want to do it?

  7. I’m with the first guy. I love it and porn is more than likely to blame. Hardcore porn is gonna be hardcore, the sex is supposed to be rough and usually centered around the guy dominating, face banging is just a part of that.

  8. Oh for cryin’ out loud. I mean, if you don’t like it you don’t like it and that’s fine, but gagging and throwing up are not synonymous. I think it might be a little bit more of a kink thing . . . I identify as a bottom w/ submissive tendencies, and I am really turned on by being gagged. I guess I’m lucky in that I don’t have a very strong gag reflex, but that feeling over being choked and overwhelmed is really exciting (my last boyfriend was well endowed but not crazily so. The guy I’m dating now is very large, so while it’s a bit of an adjustment, we’re making it work). The rule I’ve used for deep-throating / throat-fucking is to have a nonverbal safeword. I want him to essential force me to take it, and not to let me up even if I struggle, but if I reach up and tap on his chest, that means, “no, I really want to stop.” I’ve only felt like I might throw up once, not sure why–combo of angle, maybe something I’d eaten, who knows. Tapping out worked, and all was well.

  9. Is the gagging in porn a new thing? (Like, in the last decade?) My recollection was that the women in porn tended to take it in pretty deep without gagging.

    I have a very strong gag reflex. In high school, I threw up on a guy’s dick. (Though, I managed to create a seal with my lips, pull off and run to the bathroom without getting any on him. He didn’t know what had happened until I told him. I’m actually pretty proud of how I handled such a disastrous turn of events.)

    I would love to be able to take it all the way down. The one guy I’ve been with whose penis was on the smaller side absolutely raved about my blow jobs, and I loved being able to do that for him.

    I know my husband would love for me to take him further in, but he would never make a big deal about it. I use a hand around the base to control the depth, but I’m going to try Angelo’s trick now.

    1. Yes, gagging blow jobs are only the last 15 years and you can directly attribute that to the Max Hardcore series of XXX videos. Max (or whatever his real name is) actually spent time in the federal pen because of his videos combination of implied violence (forced blowjobs with gagging and puking), peepee play (him using the actresses as urinal targets) and actresses who dressed and acted in ways to appear way younger than they actually were. Apparently the some state governments didn’t like those combinations and shut him down with federal charges, killed his original website, tried, convicted, and sent him to jail. He’s out now but his influence on gagging porn unleashed gagging oral on the rest of the industry and amateur videos while he was incarcerated.

  10. as a guy, I don’t really find it that attractive. seeing it in porn makes me feel sorry for the girl involved…but she’s getting paid to do it. I think it’s much sexier for a girl to be able to handle the penis deep in the throat without gagging.

  11. but if you’ve been gallantly fighting down your gag reflex so as not to upset your blowee, and then realise he’s actually turned on by you openly gagging, then it’s a win win situation!

  12. wow I never knew gagging was such a thing. Whatever – I’m a bomb in the sack, I’m not gonna start explodin’ in other ways.

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