Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Would a guy feel cheated on if his girlfriend made out with another girl, or is that somehow different territory?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.
Straight Married Guy (Ben): I think it all depends on the spirit of the make out and whatever agreements you and your gf have and whatever her actual orientation is. If you’re gf is mostly straight, gets drunk or high one night and kisses some girls, I’d call that hot, not cheating. But if it’s sober, planned and behind the back, there’s probably something deeper going on. My wife is very bisexual — she’s dated and been in love with women in the past. But we also have a fairly loose definition of monogamy. For us, if either one of us broke our agreements with either women or men, then, yes, definitely trouble.
Gay Single Guy (Justin Huang): It’s funny. Straight boys have such a visceral, extreme reaction to their girlfriends taking dips into the lady pool. For half of them, seeing their girlfriend make out with another chick would be boner nirvana. But for the other half, it’s just as bad if she were kissing a guy. This usually has nothing to do with insecurity or doubts about his manhood, by the way. I think it’s largely cultural, and by the time a guy is your boyfriend, you should have a good gauge about his comfort level about any of your potential Girls Gone Wild moments.
Straight Single Guy (Max): I’m guessing that most guys, confronted with their lady making out with another lady, would be more than ok with it. The classic bro stereotype of loving lesbian action, regardless of how you feel about it, touches on one very important truth: heterosexual men don’t like to watch other men kissing. We even look away when James Bond kisses his sexy babes. Call it homophobia if you like, but it’s just a fact of male heterosexuality: we honestly don’t get what women see in us that they find attractive. So while kissing is great when you’re involved, but watching other dudes kiss? It just doesn’t make for very good entertainment. But a pretty girl kissing another pretty girl? We’ve been conditioned to love it. The main problem is figuring out how to remain calm and not spoil the moment.
Now consider something more extreme: what would that same bro do if he walked in on his girl naked with another girl and a dildo? This might make some guys uncomfortable, regardless of the obvious double standard. The bottom line is that yes, this is a different territory, and it is a very gray territory indeed. I think that it will rarely be treated the same as heterosexual cheating, but there’s no question that actual sex with someone other than your partner will create some discomfort if not discussed beforehand. So talk about it first before everyone gets in trouble. There’s too much potential for fun there!
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com; our Gay Guy is Justin Huang, an LA-based freelance film editor, producer, certified personal trainer and the voice of IAmYellowPeril.com; and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New York City. To ask the guys your own question, click here.