Your Call: Do I Need to Sleep with Someone New to Get Over My Ex?

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We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

I broke up with my boyfriend almost three months ago, the reason we broke up is because he was “scared” of having a commitment. I’m still trying to work out my feelings towards him and trying to move on. The thing is, I’m not sure how I can move on. One friend of mine said that the only way to truly get over a guy is to get with another guy. Do you think that is necessary true? I don’t think that is true. I haven’t been with another person since my ex, but I have never been the type of person to hook up with random guys. Yet, do you think it’s true that I need to be with someone else to finally get my ex out of my head?

— Hung Up

What should H.U. do?

Say Something

13 Comments on "Your Call: Do I Need to Sleep with Someone New to Get Over My Ex?"

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It helps if you hook up with someone (seemingly) awesome but not just a random one nighter. Even if the new dude ends up being yet another elusive lover, you’ll have someone new to obsess about.

You don’t consider yourself the type for casual hookups, so maybe this approach isn’t for you–it could distract you, but is focusing on a sexual encounter you regret any better than focusing on the ex? On the other hand, if you approach it the right way, it could turn out well. You should never have sex with someone simply because you want to get over an ex, but if you have someone in mind and things develop naturally enough, it might be just the kick in the pants you need to get over the old boyfriend. A new beau will… Read more »

If that is the sole reason for getting with someone else, then no. Maybe due to me being in many back to back relationships during my late teens, I find it to be very emotionally draining and confusing to the heart and mind.

I had the most dreadful breakup and tried everything I could think of to get over it. Nothing worked and I was like this sad little shell – for TWO YEARS. Needless to say, I’m not the type to sleep around for the sake of it and I’m very, very picky about who I get with. I went on holiday, met this guy I got on well with and, while under normal circumstances I probably would have just been friends with him, something made me go for it. It was just what I needed and it lifted my mood like… Read more »
Speaking 100% from my experience, it wasn’t true for me. We weren’t having commitment issues, we just weren’t totally on the same wave-length. I was madly, head over heels, singing in the rain in love with this guy for the longest time. I called it quits and spent a year away from him. I dated two guys and even slept with another woman during that time and all it did was make me feel guilty. I still thought about him, compared him to the new guys in my life, missed him terribly when something good – or bad – was… Read more »
I’ve always heard it as “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone.” And there’s an element of truth, I think – as visceral and powerful as your ex’s memory may feel, it can’t compete with a flesh-and-blood body under your hands. That said, you should only do it if you feel like you want to do it – it’s not a silver bullet, it’s a tool you can use to refocus and reignite desire, sure, but it won’t work if you feel squicked out by it. So consider the option, but also listen to your… Read more »