15 Do’s and Don’ts of Really Good Sex

photo by Helga Weber

When you write about sex for a living, it’s easy to get caught up in the idea that we should always be inventing a new position or discovering a new erogenous zone. But sometimes it’s good just to remind ourselves of some basics. These 15 tips never go out of style — and they’re way easier to pull off than the Wheelbarrow, too.

  1. Don’t rush. It’s way easier and sexier for your partner to say, “More, harder, oh god, faster,” than it is to say, “Whoa! Slow down there, cowboy.”
  2. Do provide positive reinforcement. Total silence sucks. Your partners will welcome praise and feedback like Jessica Simpson would a good review. Plus, it’s an easy way to dabble in dirty talk. If you can’t find the words, appreciative noises work just as well.
  3. Don’t assume that just because you’re in love (or on good behavior), you can’t have it dirty. The idea that marriage, monogamy or even good manners is the end of dirty, throw-me-against-the-wall, taboo-busting sex is a tired, old myth that you should debunk on a regular basis.
  4. However, do ask permission before giving your partner a money shot in the face. That’s just good manners.
  5. Do have an over-active imagination. Talking and fantasizing together about an orgy with your hottie mail carrier, your local news anchor, and Notre Dame’s co-ed cheerleading team is usually infinitely more exciting than a real orgy with your hairy, alcoholic, depressed neighbors. Include your partner in your fantasies when it’s appropriate. Note: If you’re having sex with your partner while thinking of someone else, it’s probably better not to mention this — unless, of course, they’re dressed up as that someone else.
  6. Do practice reciprocity. Do unto others as you would have done unto you. Do not do unto to others with the expectation that they must do unto you in return. However, you should assume that when your partner tickles your back, it is not just because they’re being nice, but because they would like you to tickle their back, too.
  7. Don’t assume that what worked on your previous partners will work on your next one. The biggest mistake you can make is arrogantly assuming you know it all.
  8. Do tell your partners what you like; don’t expect them to like it too. There is a difference between having a preference and being a fascist.
  9. Don’t pop buttons indiscriminately. Bodice ripping may be sexy in romance paperbacks, but it only works in real life when you’re confident the item of clothing is easily replaceable and not considered a luxury item by your partner.
  10. Do remove your socks. Unless your partner specifically requests that you leave them on or it’s freezing in the room. Guys: remove your socks as you remove your pants, in one smooth maneuver, to avoid being caught, even momentarily, in a nothing-but-socks moment.
  11. Don’t think about baseball just to prolong the inevitable. Being aware of and attentive to your partner is the cornerstone of good sex. Who wants to fuck someone who’s trying to recall all seventy of Mark McGwire’s record-breaking home runs in 1998? Only Mark McGwire, that’s who.
  12. Do wash your hands. Sex is like dining: You should always wash your hands right before. If you have been chopping chillis, soap and water will not remove all the oils so do be careful when you go exploring tender parts with your fingers.
  13. … but don’t become an obsessive-compulsive cleaner. Natural musky funk is a good thing if your immune systems are compatible (a.k.a. you have chemistry).
  14. Do make eye contact…at least every now and then. To avoid it completely screams that you are either afraid of intimacy, that you are thinking of someone else, or that you think your partner is butt ugly.
  15. Do have a sense of humor. There’s nothing worse than a serious, sensitive ponytail guy or gal with no sense of irony or the absurd. If you fall off the bed while trying out a new position, do not die of embarrassment — laugh it off and live proudly.

This article also appeared in EdenFantasys’ Sexis


  1. How many females find it sexy that their male
    sex partner has sexual experience with a male?

  2. haha. True, laughing once in a while and smiling shows your partner that your having a ball.

  3. Definitely laugh. I went WAY too many years not realizing laughing about, and/or during sex could be a total turn on. Not all the time of course…. but when something is funny, share and share the laugh you will be so glad you did.

  4. My ex-boyfriend would completely undress me and then leave my socks on. It felt so annoying. So did a lot of his behaviors. Hence, the ex prefix 🙂

  5. Hmmmm…I’m not much of a talker during sex, but my pepper-fingered Lover does tend to appreciate my vocal talents in the throes of passion!

  6. Yes, the habanero peppers will stay with you for hours regardless of how many hours have passed or how many times you’ve washed your hands.

    Experience speaks volumes. My Ex (for good reason) will attest to this. In my own defense, I was really drunk at the time.

  7. Socks are a pet peeve of mine. If you can take your pants off, you can take your socks off. It just looks stupid in my opinion

  8. #11! Bwahahahahaha!
    (Although to be fair even a baseball great shouldn’t think about baseball during sex.)

    And about #10: when I was a young bartender in a semi-corrupt southern university town we always “comped” off-duty police. It was necessary anyway and besides, nothing helped the bouncers break up the occasional drunken brawl more than a couple of relatively sober cops.

    Anyway, kind of horribly, a guy my age and his older partner were shot and left for dead when her husband caught them having sex. She didn’t survive but he did. He was found wearing only one sock.

    When the news got out a homicide detective in the bar mentioned that a remarkable number of victims who are murdered by jealous spouses are found wearing only one sock. The other cops nodded wisely. The going theory was that adulterers who know they’re taking a chance, but don’t want to pass up an opportunity, don’t undress very carefully.

    So I’m going to propose rule #10a: if you’re going to wear socks during sex make sure you’re wearing both socks. If you’re not going to wear socks in bed, make sure you take them both off. And, of course, if you’re going to have an affair, make sure everyone’s primary partners are ok with it.


  9. LOL Johnny! The only Chili Peppers that wouldn’t kill the mood are the ones that can sing. 😉

  10. Yeah, don’t get the socks thing. But I think it’s just meant to be funny, so… sure.

    As to #9: that’s why western-style shirts were invented.

  11. 10. DO remove your socks…
    Well not if your doing me! I looove it when he leaves his socks on: it’s intimate, sweet cute and kinda says: “I want you so bad I can’t really care about my stupid socks!” Yeah definitely keep your socks on.

Comments are closed.