5 Reasons to Have Sex with the Lights On

photo via flickr

EMandLO.com contributor Jewely Hoxie, who is studying Human Sexuality at the University of California Santa Cruz — you can read her blog here — has a confession to make:

In the movie Manhattan, Diane Keaton says to Woody Allen that he’s the kind of man she could see herself have kids with — naturally, he tells her to hit the lights. It’s common in movies for the dimming of the lights to be a signal for getting it on (I suppose it helps them steer clear of NC-17 ratings). Like most movie sex, I tend to disagree. I’m not saying you need to see each other under the unappealing cast of florescent lighting — just use a dimmer switch or light some candles. Here are five reasons why:

  1. Sex is considered very much a physical activity — let’s get physical, Olivia Newton John sang. Touching each other makes us feel good. However, I think humans are more complicated than that: visuals can make us feel good too. Let’s get visual!
  2. Seeing your partner and having your partner see you brings a new level of intimacy to the experience.
  3. Not only does it allow you to better get to know your partner, but you’ll also know where you’re going. Going down on someone — especially a new partner — takes enough concentration and difficulty as it is… try cutting off all means of seeing what you’re doing!
  4. Allowing someone to see you naked is a sign of trust and confidence — two characteristics that can make someone very attractive. Body shame is a big issue in our society, especially when we see hundreds of advertisements a week of people with unrealistic bodies. Letting your partner know you want to really see them, even with the lights on, may help them realize they don’t need to be ashamed. No matter your body type, you can still be sexy and still deserve pleasure.
  5. Perhaps I’m alone in this, but when I look at people in the dark, they look like mysterious and scary monsters. I want to know who I am sleeping with!



  1. i think it is a good point to raise when having sex with ligths on.to my knowledge f understanding is that,probably i just met her and decide to do that in the evening,it could be my first and last time with her.i may decide to see her very well so i may need the light to see things for my self.

  2. with my husband I am comfortable with lights on becuz we also do it mid-day when kids are at school. night time sex which means with dim lights can be as good as with the lights on.

  3. I think having sex. With tha lights on is another
    Another way of intermacy.look at each other
    So u will no what to exspect with your lover
    It like eye to eye contact….

  4. Op!!. Nothing special to make love with the light on. Men an women should not be seeing very clearly each other because sex level will be dropping down as NOTHING more to explorer your partner. Some may be demotivated by opened secrets.

  5. Well, I can assure all the readers that lights out sex from time to time can be fantastic, especially for women. It allows for them to concentrate on the sex as opposed to their own self-conscious body awareness and that, dear readers, allows her to lose herself in the moment and that, dear readers, is nearly always good for the guys.

  6. my partner prefers that the lights (or at least some kind of light) are on. At first, it made me very self conscious. Over time I’ve become much more comfortable with it because I know that it’s a turn on for him. Basically, he likes to SEE me.
    If we wake up in the middle of the night for a romp, I’ll sometimes flip the light switch over the bed before he gets the chance. He loves it when i do that because it means that I know (and appreciate) that it turns him on. and that I’m comfortable enough to initiate that. It was easy to get comfortable because he gave me so much affirmation about how much he loved my body.

  7. Does anyone still have sex with the lights off? I never have, and that’s not because I vainly think I’m some super hottie. If you want sex to involve a lot of uncomfortable fumbling and misplaced appendages, by all means do it in the pitch black. But if you’re like most people seeing everything is part of the thrill.

  8. Call me old fashioned but in my opinion if you aren’t comfortable enough with someone to leave the lights on during sex then I don’t think you should be having sex with that person.

  9. I really don’t know what this whole “Sex in the dark”- thing is about. The only time I have sex with my boyfriend in the dark is when we’re in a room with other people who are not supposed to notice! Neither of us has a perfect body, and in fact my boyfriend has a history of beeing very overweight and is still quite chubby. But I know he loves me all the more because I still wolf-whistle when he gets naked, simply because I love him and I love his body because its HIS body!

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