I went from dating a very well endowed man to dating a, well, not so well endowed man. I was shocked at first too. He was without a doubt the smallest man I had ever dated. To my amazement, he was also the most gifted lover I have ever had. His insecurity over his penis size caused him to really work on his other skills. Our relationship ended a few months ago and I still find my mind wandering back to our love making sessions. I never think of Mr. Well Endowed. It’s true what the ladies tell you guys: “It’s not what you have but how you use it.”
Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What’s the definition of bad sex?“
Straight Single Guy (Chris): Good sex is a function of the physical and the mental. For women, the mental part may be much more about nurturing and safety, or so I’ve read. For men, I would argue the mental part is much more about stroking the ego as much as the penis. Guys want to finish sex feeling manly, powerful, and in control. Guys almost always get off, so the physical part is fairly easy — though I’ve been with some women who really don’t know what they’re doing and don’t take subtle instruction well. For those women, there may be no hope. For the mental part, every guy is different. Most want to make sure their partner was satisfied, which is a win-win situation. If we feel like our partner is bored, or going through the motions, or worst of all, faking it, I think we come away feeling weak and insecure, even if it isn’t true. For the same reasons, guys don’t always want to have to initiate sex. We want our lives to feel like an Axe Body Spray commercial, with dilated pupils and uncontrollable urges. That’s why Axe is one of the fastest growing brands in history.
Gay Married Guy (Jonathan Balthaser): There’s lots of types of bad sex. There’s the I’m-too-drunk-and-can-barely-keep-conscious kind. Worse is the I-wish-you-had-bathed type. The herky-jerky, we-just-don’t-click type is just plain awkward. But by far the worst kind of sex is dispassionate sex: being with someone who’s bored and would rather be playing Scrabble than with your naughty bits.
If there’s one thing the Brits are good at, it’s laughing about sex, whether it’s lowbrow, bum-pinching humor — paging Benny Hill — or the highbrow upper echelons of London’s literary society. The cool kids in the latter category are definitely at the Literary Review magazine, with their annual Bad Sex Awards. The announcement of the selections each year leads to a flurry of bad-pun headlines in the British press — “stiff competition” being a favorite phrase (Benny Hill would be proud!). Past nominees have included such heavy hitters as Gabriel García Márquez, Norman Mailer and Salman Rushdie. This year’s shortlist is no different, including John Banville, Paul Theroux, singer-turned-writer Nick Cave, and Philip Roth. The only surprise with Roth is that it took him this long to make the cut.
Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:
This really isn’t a sex dream at all, but I have dreamt twice this week of hugging (very long embrace) a tall, gorgeous, shirtless man. I cannot see his face & I believe it was a different man in each dream. I vaguely remember talking to the men, but never leaving the embrace, just my head resting on a marvelous bare chest.
Lauri: Ha! Your dream reminds of one of my recent dreams where my husband, Joe Jonas and I all were engaged in a long and loving embrace! But enough about me. To hug in a dream means you have embraced something new in waking life such as a new attitude, a new behavior, a new opinion, etc. My bet is that you have embraced your “male” side. Being assertive, bringing home the bacon, taking a no nonsense approach to life are all considered masculine or yang qualities. Whereas, sensitivity, creativity and nurturing are considered feminine or yin qualities. Naturally, your dreaming mind will present these qualities to you in the form of a man or woman in order to show you how well or how poorly you are utilizing your yin and your yang. You have embraced yours and are apparently quite pleased with yourself in waking life since you were so attracted to him in the dream. How have you asserted yourself lately? Like his studly, shirtless torso, did you get something off your chest? Did you say it like it is and did that work out well for you? All signs seem to point to YES! Keep it up sista! Don’t let the fear of being called the B word hold you back.
Dreamer Response: Wow, this is great. Thank you soo much for this. My guesses weren’t close: (more…)
A weekly roundup of some of our favorite (and not so favorite) sex- and love-related posts from various blogs and websites:
LemonDrop reports on a bride who sued a photographer for posting online racy photos of her taken as she was getting ready for her wedding. (Since when did it become a “thing” for the wedding photographer to capture the bride in her skivvies anyway? We’re all for dirty pics, but on your wedding day?!)
TheFrisky’s Dr. V shares her guy friends’ top 10 sex don’ts. (However, regarding #5, “If you need to fart, you need to say something. And get off my face first.” Um, dude, we’re pretty sure that the woman who did this (a) did not mean to and (b) will be embarrassed about this for the rest of her life. Farts happen in bed, and sometimes you can’t dismount in time. Move on.)
Speaking of don’ts, YourTango shares the 7 deadly sins of dating, from envy (“You always assume there’s someone better out there” to sloth (“You don’t actively look for guys to date”). And once you’re sin-free, you might want to check out their 11 reasons to date a church-going guy (that said, Em has spent her fair share of time in church, and she would like to note that there are plenty of douchey bad boys in church, too).
Finally! An ad for a cleaning product that doesn’t feature a woman going into an orgasmic paroxysm over a new mop. Only on Madison Avenue does doing the chores turn a woman on. Sure, Pine-Sol may have shamelessly ripped off the Porn for Women books with their new ad, but we don’t care. The ad (watch it here) features a woman pulling into her swank house in a snazzy convertible, then climbing a rose-petal-strewn staircase to find a smokin’ hot topless dude mopping her floors. We love Pine-Sol even more for keeping on Diane Amos for this ad. She has starred in Pine-Sol’s ads for 16 years, and, as she told the New York Times, “I run a household and have kids. I look like I mop.” We can’t believe it took Madison Avenue this long to capitalize on the no-duh notion that dudes who pull their weight in the household chores department are more likely to get laid. Though, for the record, we should point out — as we did here last month — that a recent study found that doing housework increases the amount of sex in a relationship no matter who mops. But we’re not going to write any letters to Pine-Sol pointing this out just yet — we want more ads featuring hot semi-naked guys doing chores first.
If you suspected a few members of the Justice League of America were gay (hello, Aquaman?) and always wished they’d come out of the closet, there’s now a new ALL-gay superhero comic just for you. It’s called Spandex. What it lacks in artistic skill (visually speaking, this ain’t no DC Comic), it makes up for in fabulous gay pride. There’s “Liberty (glamorous transvestite superhero), Diva (a lesbian Wonder Woman), Prowler (absorbs the abilities of gay people), Glitter (male Dazzler), Indigo (beautiful French teleporter), and Mr Muscles & Butch (strong twins).” We would have thought there’d be at least one big buff or bearded super dude and one super butch without cleavage, but that’s just us (and we’re not gay or comic-book readers, so what do we know?). It’s available from the U.K. but you can download a pdf of the first 40-page comic in the series via Paypal here. Check out excerpts at SUNfiltered.
Your article is non-sensical. You state that women would have to buy a rider for a completely unexpected event, (who plans to have an abortion?) ALL insurance is for unexpected events. People don’t buy car insurance because they expect to have an accident or have their car stolen. People don’t buy homeowner’s insurance because the expect to have a house fire or a tornado. If you drive a car you may get into an accident, just as if you have sex, you may get pregnant. The simple solution to all of this is to get the government out of the insurance business all together. Not only do I not want to pay for other people’s abortions through my taxes, I don’t want to pay for other people doctor visits, broken arms or viagra with my taxes. Those are things that an individual is responsible for, not the federal government. If you can’t afford an abortion, DON’T HAVE SEX!
In response to that gem of a conclusion, JM, our new hero, wrote the following:
Okay.
But in exchange, you have to turn in all your matches, electrical appliances, firewood, your oven, and let’s see, what kind of heating do you have?? Because I’m not going to let my taxes fund the fire department’s trip to your house just because you left the toaster on for too long or whatever. Also, kinda I hope you’re one of those armed-to-the-teeth Republicans or Libertarians because perhaps you should be cut off from law enforcement services as well. You seem like one who could be a bit pugnacious, I don’t want my hard-earned tax dollars to pay to break up your bar brawls. Oh yeah, and sorry man, all 5 branches of the military, Homeland Security and all that, all paid for by taxes and likely another public service that doesn’t directly benefit to you.
You bought insurance though, you should be good.
Your post was written fairly well, where did you go to school? Chances are, even if it was private, it got some taxpayer money via government grant money, perhaps you’ll be paying that back? Oh, and how do you get around? I hope you don’t expect to be using any of those taxpayer-funded roads you’re used to, maybe I don’t want to pay for the stretch of road that leads from your house to your job.
On a basic level, we pay taxes in order to receive services from our government. On another level, maybe one that appeals to you more, our government provides us with services and public benefits so that we can function as an efficient capitalist system and a healthy society.
You may have a problem with a variety of people having non-procreative sex, apparently ranging from fertile women to old men with “issues” but those are really peripheral attention grabbers calculated to manipulate your attention and abuse your passion and intellect. A more effective health care system will mean a better functioning economy, more GDP, etc. etc. (plus, it’s just humane).
I doubt that you would deny a woman who was beaten and raped assistance from the police, would you? What if her arm were broken, should she have to choose between going broke under a mountain of medical expenses or letting it heal however it pleases? What if she were pregnant by her attacker? And what if she were a child or someone that you care for but can’t afford to pay for?
About the expectation thing, that’s called a discount rate, the higher your discount rate, the lower your investment in the unknown future, and the more you consume in the present. If you have a low discount rate, you invest more in your future as you’re more willing to forgo benefits in the present for unknown benefits in the future, in large part because you feel secure enough to do so. Buying insurance is a sign of a low discount rate.
BUT if you can’t make enough money to make ends meet, you have no choice but to have a high discount rate. The phrase, “living hand to mouth” comes to mind, there’s nothing left over beyond basic subsistence to be invested in some cloudy unknown. That’s partly how poor countries end up with pollution issues and it’s how the bulk of uninsured people end up without insurance.
Very few people choose to gamble with their lives and livelihoods if they’re given a choice and what kind of a country are we if we force their hands?
You know the relationship is serious when you’re spending any major holiday with your significant other’s family. Sure, you may have met them briefly once or twice before, but something like Thanksgiving is the battleground where approval can be won or lost forever. So follow these ten simple rules to ensure your partner’s parental units will be glad to call you family (even if you’re not sure you want them as in-laws).
Bring some sort of contribution to the festivities. A bottle of wine is good — even better if you pair it with a nice dessert or some flowers.
Do not make your hosts do all the drudge work in the conversation — ask questions, be interested, fake it if you have to.
Always ask the family members preparing the meal if there is anything, anything at all, you can do to help, even if the game is on.
The occasional hand-holding and peck on the cheek is fine, but resist any further physical displays of affection. To be safe, you should engage in no more PDA than your partner’s parents do.
When you sit down to eat, listen to your own mother’s voice in your head: put your napkin in your lap; wait for everyone to be seated and served before eating; chew with your mouth closed; don’t gesture with your silverware; don’t use your fingers or fork to dislodge food stuck between your teeth; and never reach across someone at the table — just say “Would you please pass the [blank]?”
We weren’t sure how or why the sex symbol with diarrhea of the mouth, Megan Fox, got an entire cover article dedicated to her in the New York Times Sunday magazine. Is she really such a cultural force? She’s been in like a whopping two movies (we’re counting Transformers I and II as one)! Well, we guess a billion Google searches can’t be wrong. We weren’t expecting to be riveted by the article, but surprisingly there was a ton of fascinating stuff on sex and gender roles — and not just out of skilled profiler Lynn Hirschberg’s mouth. Here are some of the best bits (in case you just can’t bring yourself to read a prettied up version of an US Weekly article):
Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:
I had a dream that I was cheating on my boyfriend with a perfect stranger. At first, I didn’t want to. It was against my will, then I gave into it, and I actually did the deed. It was exhilarating but guilt-filled. This man in my dream is no one I know, I think he may even just be a random actor from a show but I don’t even know his name. I wasn’t even thinking about him or anyone recently. I am very attracted to my boyfriend and wouldn’t want to risk my relationship for someone else.
Lauri: You resist, become weak, you enjoy in partaking, and then have extreme guilt. To me, it sounds like you may have “cheated” on a diet and are having extreme guilt! But maybe it goes deeper than that. Actually, cheating dreams rarely point to a wandering heart or wandering nether regions. In fact, most cheating dreams are connected to something that seems like a third wheel in the relationship, such as a job that takes all your time, a project you are giving more attention to than your boyfriend, or perhaps hanging out with your friends more than he would like. (more…)
All posts by Em & Lo
Barb, on the post “My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis”:
Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What’s the definition of bad sex?“
(more…)
If there’s one thing the Brits are good at, it’s laughing about sex, whether it’s lowbrow, bum-pinching humor — paging Benny Hill — or the highbrow upper echelons of London’s literary society. The cool kids in the latter category are definitely at the Literary Review magazine, with their annual Bad Sex Awards. The announcement of the selections each year leads to a flurry of bad-pun headlines in the British press — “stiff competition” being a favorite phrase (Benny Hill would be proud!). Past nominees have included such heavy hitters as Gabriel García Márquez, Norman Mailer and Salman Rushdie. This year’s shortlist is no different, including John Banville, Paul Theroux, singer-turned-writer Nick Cave, and Philip Roth. The only surprise with Roth is that it took him this long to make the cut.
Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered
Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:
This really isn’t a sex dream at all, but I have dreamt twice this week of hugging (very long embrace) a tall, gorgeous, shirtless man. I cannot see his face & I believe it was a different man in each dream. I vaguely remember talking to the men, but never leaving the embrace, just my head resting on a marvelous bare chest.
Dreamer Response: Wow, this is great. Thank you soo much for this. My guesses weren’t close: (more…)
A weekly roundup of some of our favorite (and not so favorite) sex- and love-related posts from various blogs and websites:
GoodVibes
Finally! An ad for a cleaning product that doesn’t feature a woman going into an orgasmic paroxysm over a new mop. Only on Madison Avenue does doing the chores turn a woman on. Sure, Pine-Sol may have shamelessly ripped off the Porn for Women books with their new ad, but we don’t care. The ad (watch it here) features a woman pulling into her swank house in a snazzy convertible, then climbing a rose-petal-strewn staircase to find a smokin’ hot topless dude mopping her floors. We love Pine-Sol even more for keeping on Diane Amos for this ad. She has starred in Pine-Sol’s ads for 16 years, and, as she told the New York Times, “I run a household and have kids. I look like I mop.” We can’t believe it took Madison Avenue this long to capitalize on the no-duh notion that dudes who pull their weight in the household chores department are more likely to get laid. Though, for the record, we should point out — as we did here last month — that a recent study found that doing housework increases the amount of sex in a relationship no matter who mops. But we’re not going to write any letters to Pine-Sol pointing this out just yet — we want more ads featuring hot semi-naked guys doing chores first.
• This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s Naked Love Blog
• Get the Naked Love RSS feed
In response to that gem of a conclusion, JM, our new hero, wrote the following:
You know the relationship is serious when you’re spending any major holiday with your significant other’s family. Sure, you may have met them briefly once or twice before, but something like Thanksgiving is the battleground where approval can be won or lost forever. So follow these ten simple rules to ensure your partner’s parental units will be glad to call you family (even if you’re not sure you want them as in-laws).
(more…)
Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered
We weren’t sure how or why the sex symbol with diarrhea of the mouth, Megan Fox, got an entire cover article dedicated to her in the New York Times Sunday magazine. Is she really such a cultural force? She’s been in like a whopping two movies (we’re counting Transformers I and II as one)! Well, we guess a billion Google searches can’t be wrong. We weren’t expecting to be riveted by the article, but surprisingly there was a ton of fascinating stuff on sex and gender roles — and not just out of skilled profiler Lynn Hirschberg’s mouth. Here are some of the best bits (in case you just can’t bring yourself to read a prettied up version of an US Weekly article):
Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered
Click here to read our article for New York magazine this week on area moms who take a bite out of the big Twilight apple. You can also read our “director’s cut” of the piece, which includes more quotes and info, after the jump:
(more…)
Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:
I had a dream that I was cheating on my boyfriend with a perfect stranger. At first, I didn’t want to. It was against my will, then I gave into it, and I actually did the deed. It was exhilarating but guilt-filled. This man in my dream is no one I know, I think he may even just be a random actor from a show but I don’t even know his name. I wasn’t even thinking about him or anyone recently. I am very attracted to my boyfriend and wouldn’t want to risk my relationship for someone else.
Lauri: You resist, become weak, you enjoy in partaking, and then have extreme guilt. To me, it sounds like you may have “cheated” on a diet and are having extreme guilt! But maybe it goes deeper than that. Actually, cheating dreams rarely point to a wandering heart or wandering nether regions. In fact, most cheating dreams are connected to something that seems like a third wheel in the relationship, such as a job that takes all your time, a project you are giving more attention to than your boyfriend, or perhaps hanging out with your friends more than he would like. (more…)
A weekly roundup of some of our favorite (and not so favorite) sex- and love-related posts from various blogs and websites: