All posts by Em & Lo

10 Things Dirty Dancing Taught Us About Love and Sex

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dirty_dancing_water_lift photo by heine(ken)

R.I.P. Patrick Swayze, star of Dirty Dancing. Thank you for giving us the gift of dance and romance that only teenagers with a very high tolerance for cheese and a low level of taste can appreciate (and quote from endlessly). We’ll never forget you. And we’ll never be put in a corner.

You don’t need a perfect face to land a cute guy.
Reproductive rights are really important.
Being called “Baby” is not necessarily derogative.
If you’re trying to impress someone, do not talk about heavy lifting or fruit.
Men can be used for sex, too.
God wouldn’t have given us maracas if He didn’t want us to shake ’em.
Stay away from douches who subscribe to Ayn Rand’s philosophy.
It’s important to defend the boundaries of your personal space.
Don’t say cheesy things like “And most of all I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you” if you can’t do it with convincing conviction.
When it comes to relationships, do the lift.

Dream Interpretation: I Keep Cheating on My Boyfriend

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statue_kiss photo by victoriapeckham

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means (after the jump). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I keep having extremely explicit dreams about cheating on my boyfriend! There are two kinds: #1) I meet a friend of a friend, a funny brown-haired band guy who’s shorter than me (he doesn’t actually exist in real life). He hits on me a lot, hugs me in the way my boyfriend does and I distinctly recall thinking that it’s nice because if my boyfriend breaks up with me this guy’ll date me. We hook up in a bathroom. I say, “I’ve never done this before,” and he says, “I have,” and I say, “I don’t mean sex, I mean cheating.” Then it goes into the raunchy part. #2) I and my real-life best friend’s boyfriend are fleeing a flood and he finds a dry room. The boyfriend says that since we’re going to die, we should have sex. And, well, yeah. Raunchy stuff.

The odd part is that I don’t climax in either of the dreams– it’s totally about his satisfaction. But I don’t seem to have a problem with that in either. I’m very in love with my boyfriend and I don’t want to cheat on him. I’m somewhat disturbed about what my subconscious has conjured up…?

10 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Hermaphrodites

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intersex photo by dalbera

The South African runner Caster Semenya recently withdrew from a competition amid speculation about her sex. The rumor is that she is intersex — or a hermaphrodite, as they used to say in the olden days. If it’s true, then it’s too bad she withdrew, as we would have loved to see the world of international athletics try to wrangle this one. After all, it’s not like they could force her into the operating room in order to compete. Plus, it’s a subject rife with misunderstanding and stubborn rumors, and the more people talk about this stuff openly, the better. For now, we’ll try to clear up a few things as best we can:

The term “hermaphrodite” comes from Greek mythology: Hermaphroditus, the son of Hermes and Aphrodite, was joined with a nymph, Salmacis, and the result was one being with the physical traits of both sexes.
That said, the word “hermaphrodite” has fallen out of fashion; these days “intersex” is the preferred term for people of ambiguous gender. Typically, this means that the person’s genitalia are either not clearly male or female, or are at odds with their chromosomal gender. ( “Hermaphrodite” is still used in botany to describe a flower that has both male (i.e. pollen-producing) and female (i.e. ovule-producing) parts. It’s seen in many common garden plants.)

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10 Good Reasons Why Women Have Sex

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Why Women Have Sex by Cindy Meston and David Buss is on sale now

It seems like everyone right now is talking about that new book Why Women Have Sex, by Cindy Meston and David Buss. Apparently lots of women reported having sex to keep the peace, to stave off boredom, to relieve a headache, or to get their husbands to take out the trash (oh, yeah, and occasionally because they’re in the mood, too). And everyone’s acting like it’s this huge deal that 100% of the women didn’t say that, 100% of the time, they have sex because they’re so turned on they can’t think straight. Sure, sometimes women have sex for fairly unsexy reasons…and sometimes they have sex for more, shall we say, honorable ones — which includes, but isn’t limited to, being so turned on they can’t think straight Here are 10 (and please, add your own reasons in the comments section below!):

Because you’re horny, duh. Especially if you’ve been watching lx tube.
Because even if you’re not in the mood, 99.9% of the time you get in the mood once you start.
Because it’s (almost) impossible to argue while having sex.
Because you just received the most amazing 30-minute back-rub and your partner didn’t even try to segue the massage into sex.
Because your partner is hot stuff.
Because you still remember thinking there’s no way this person would ever look twice at you…and then they did.
Because orgasms are an excellent stress reliever.
Because you’ve got a partner who makes sure you always orgasm first, who doesn’t expect it to happen from intercourse, and who doesn’t immediately roll over after he’s spent.
Because your neighbors are really annoying and you want to do it loudly to remind them that you have a better sex life than they do.
Because sex with someone you love is (to paraphrase one-time Quaker Oats spokesman Wilford Brimley) the right thing to do and a tasty way to do it.

• This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s Naked Love Blog
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Comment of the Week: On Women’s Magazines and Body Image

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“About perfect, model-looking women vs actual women: I believe you women are at fault about society’s direction in respect to looks. You women keep buying all the glamour/fashion/designs mags that show all this fabrication when it comes to female looks. If women would stop buying all those mags, money would talk, and mags would start dropping those models in favour of real actual women. You have the last word, but I am afraid one thing is what women say about this issue, another one what women collectively are willing to do about it. Something like gasoline prices, financial downturn and the American driving habits: The larger the SUV, the more gasoline it is burnt and spent, hence, the more expensive it becomes to drive and also the less money there is for other expenses, vital expenses like mortgage and food; but drivers will adamantly keep and purchase new SUV’s and incur more expenses, in the face of catastrophe, rather than change course. Actual women will keep buying those magazines with thin, slender and near perfect bodies exhibited by late teen and early 20’s women. These models are not representative of average women. While opening the mag’s pages and reading/viewing the images, these women complain about the society that supports said publications, only after having contributed financially to the wealth of these same mags they complain about through the purchase of the last copy. This is what women want, otherwise, women would not buy these publications.”

— James, commenting on “Glamour Publishes Picture of Average-Sized Woman, Hell Freezes Over“

Blog Snog (09-11-09)

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A weekly roundup of some of our favorite sex- and love-related posts from various blogs and websites:

BitchBuzz wonders whether the new Megan Fox vehicle Jennifer’s Body can change the traditionally horrible relationship between women and horror movies? We saw the trailer and we’re skeptical.
YourTango goes inside the national cougar convention.
GoodVibes has a great post on why scaring kids doesn’t stop them from having sex.
One Lemondrop writer talks about her Craiglist “Casual Encounter.” Let’s just say, it doesn’t quite read like a Penthouse Forum letter.
In contrast, the Frisky reports one gal’s surprisingly gratifying one-night stand.
TresSugar rounds up some wedding pics of the many, many Chinese couples who got married this past Wed on 9/9/09 — since nine is a lucky number in China.
College Candy gives college students some sound back-to-school sex tips.

EMandLO.com Among Top 100 Lifestyle Blogs!

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trophies_ballet photo by MGShelton

We don’t like to toot our own horn….Oh, who are we kidding, we LOVE tooting our own horn! And so we’re pleased to announce that EMandLO.com was chosen as one of the top 100 lifestyle blogs out there by The Daily Reviewer. Now, we know that this is just an aggregating site looking for attention, and that 100 is an awfully big number, and, most importantly, that there’s no cash prize. BUT…we are in excellent company — some of our favorite sites made the cut alongside us (Slate, Feministing, The New Yorker); when you consider the countless blogs out there, 100 is hardly a handful; plus, what can we say, we’re suckers for attention. In all seriousness, though, we wouldn’t even be here to accept this award if it weren’t for all of you, our kick-ass readers. Well, you and Satan. So thank you both!

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis

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Between Two Ferns With Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns

Zach Galifianakis is one of those weirdo comedians you either love or you hate. We love him, mostly for his entirely inappropriate sexual humor. So if you haven’t checked out his Funny or Die series, “Between Two Ferns”, we recommend you blow off work for 15 minutes and do so.

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Gents Only Poll: Is Emotional or Physical Infidelity Worse?

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Men, which is worse: Your partner’s one-night stand with someone they cared less about, or their emotional affair (fall in love but do nothing physical)?(online surveys)

Can’t see the poll? Click here to take it.

Ladies Only Poll: Is Emotional or Physical Infidelity Worse?

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Women, which is worse: Your partner’s one-night stand with someone they cared less about, or their emotional affair (fall in love but do nothing physical)?(opinion)

Can’t see the poll? Click here to take it.

Dear Em & Lo: My Man Orgasmed Without Ejaculating

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Dear Em & Lo,

After a particularly hot session with my husband the other night, he had what seemed to me like a really intense orgasm. But when I went to the bathroom afterward to clean up, it appeared as if he didn’t actually ejaculate. Basically, there was nothing to clean up, even when I checked inside myself with my fingers, and no smell or sign of semen. I asked him if he came, and he said that yes, he did.

I’m wondering what to make of this. In the past, when he hasn’t been able to come (too tired, too distracted, too much to drink), it’s never been a big deal between us. Usually he’ll just say that he doesn’t think it’s going to happen for him, and we’ll call it a night. There isn’t any kind of baggage between us that would cause him to pretend to have an orgasm when he didn’t. And anyway, it didn’t seem like he was struggling to get there. On the contrary, it seemed like he’d been struggling to hold on until I came, and he came very soon after me.

Just for a little context, because of our work schedules, we don’t actually see each other awake during the week, and we’re usually only squeezing in sex on the weekends. So it’s not like we’d done it five times already in the last 24 hours and he’d be tapped out.

So … did he fake it? Or can a man have an orgasm without ejaculating?

— Dry Run

Dear D.R.,

We think there are probably three possibilities here:
(more…)

Naked News (09-09-09)

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sperm_egg photo by [177]

According to a recent study, men who are smart and funny may have healthier sperm, too.
We can’t believe it: Last week we were praising Glamour magazine for publishing a photo of an average-sized woman; now this week we’re giving the thumbs up to Playboy (yes, Playboy) magazine, for their list of the Top 10 Sex Acts That Should Be Retired. Among the things they are so over: Brazilians (Playboy says “Ladies, let your 1970s jungle bush bloom”), shower sex and flavored sexual lubricant.
It was only a matter of time: Jon & Kate get the porn spoof treatment they deserve.

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Dream Interpretation: I Can’t Stop Dreaming About My Husband’s Mistress

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woman_bra_tie photo by Xtina_Lam

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means (after the jump). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

Okay. First a little history. About two years ago my husband cheated on me and got the “other woman” pregnant. A lot has gone on since then and I remained with my husband. Now, I’ve never liked this chick from the beginning. So. After all has been said and done and we are all (sorta) comfortably pretending the others don’t exist, I keep having dreams about her. First that she lived in my neighborhood. Then that she would come to my house with her daughter. (She is NOT welcome anywhere near me.) Then that my family would invite her to family functions (never in a million years) then get mad at ME for getting upset with it. I dream about this once or twice a week and I wake up incredibly angry every time. I get that I have unresolved issues with this, but what’s up? Why does it keep invading my head while I’m sleeping?

–Angry Sleeper

Wise Guys: What Do You Think About Circumcision?

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scissors1 photo by The_Artifex

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: What do you think about circumcision?

Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): I know one person who was circumcised as an adult, so he’s the only guy I can think of who knows what it’s like both ways — sort of the Tiresias of circumcision — but he’s also a famous actor and I have a huge, huge crush on him, so if I tried to ask him about it I would probably die of embarrassment. From a purely objective standpoint I suppose I’d say it’s a barbaric practice, but as a Jew I can’t imagine being uncircumcised. A gay Jewish friend of mine was the sperm donor for a Jewish lesbian couple, and when the issue of circumcision came up (in the event that they had a boy) it almost ruined the whole thing — my friend wanted his son to look like him, which I think is perfectly understandable, and the couple wanted not to mutilate their child, which I also think is perfectly understandable. They had a girl, so the point was moot, but I myself intend to avoid the whole issue by remaining blissfully childless forever.

Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): My friend recently asked whether he should circumcise his boy, and we found we were both passionately for it. But his wife was strongly against it (and she’s Jewish, go figure). We all did some research and found out that it’s generally healthier to be circumcised, so they decided to do it. But it’s a strange internal debate, because if you consider yourself anything close to a naturalist, then it’s almost hard to convince yourself of such a permanent and personal alteration of our time-honored design. (more…)

The Snuggie Sutra

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snuggie_sutra Years ago, we were part of the team that created Nerve.com’s Position of the Day. The challenge was coming up with the positions; the fun was coming up with the names: “The Quasimodo,” “The Wet Blanket,” the “I Can See My House from Here.” So we were really curious about the Snuggie Sutra, a website listing the various sexual positions you can get into while wearing (and sharing) a Snuggie. (Their tagline: “You have a Snuggie. You have sex. This was inevitable.”) It had promise: the illustrations are cute and some of the descriptions are good (“The Tablecloth [pictured above] — She lies on the table. He wears the Snuggie on his front while the bottom end covers her. It’s just not a holiday without stuffing”). But…

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Happy Labor Day!

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We hope you’re taking the day off too, and that the weather is nice where you are. We’ll be back tomorrow with your weekly horoscopes and the Wise Guys on circumcision. Mwah!

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