Reader Nikki dropped some serious wisdom this week in response to our post, “BDSM Saved My Life, But Is Ruining My Near Perfect Marriage” (we’re thinking we may have to start a Kinksters Anonymous support group to help out all these kink-stressed marriages):
Oh, damn. This is a tough situation. It sounds like you two are sexually incompatible and have some communication problems.
Some of what isn’t working sexually for you is a kink issue and part of it isn’t a kink issue. I’m going to address these separately, because I think they are distinct issues. The non-kink issue first. It sounds like you are missing things from the “vanilla” part of the menu, like more foreplay.
First, what I’m reading in your letter is that your wife hears requests for more of what you like as failures on her part. That needs to stop. The two of you need to work out a way to communicate about your sexual needs and desires without it becoming a source of tension or argument.
Second, it sounds like your wife is being rather sexually selfish. She refuses to have more foreplay, or allow you to go down on her, and only wants the kind of sex she likes? Relationships are about compromise. If the BDSM stuff freaks her out, that’s one thing. But would a little more vanilla kissing, touching, or oral sex really be all that difficult for her to indulge you in once in a while? I think not. Again, this is a communication issue.
For these issues, I suggest having an honest conversation about your sexual needs, and perhaps seeking a marriage counselor. Again, I reiterate that it’s important to separate out your kink from your vanilla sex life because there are distinct issues going on here.
The kink issue is a little less complicated and a little more complicated. It sounds like your wife just isn’t into BDSM, while you really miss it. If she’s just not into it, doesn’t like it, and it actually upsets her, you can’t expect her to do it. I say this as a kinkster myself. So you have three options: (1) resign yourself to giving up BDSM for good (which sounds unrealistic, given your fears about cheating); (2) end your marriage and search for a kinky partner; or (3) open the relationship on terms that you are both comfortable with. If your marriage really is as good as you say it is, it doesn’t sound like it’s worth blowing up your home for the sake of monogamy. You don’t even have to break monogamy to open your relationship sufficiently to satisfy your kinky needs. Lots of BDSM doesn’t involve what most people consider to be sex.
These issues might also be best addressed with the help of a therapist, because again, I think you guys have communication issues. If you do want to talk about the kink aspects of this problem with a therapist, I suggest you find a kink-friendly one, because otherwise, the therapist may fixate too much on the “pathology” of your kinks (despite the updates to the DSM). The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom has a Kink Aware Professionals directory you can use to search for therapists and marriage counselors in your area who are BDSM-literate and sex positive.
Best of luck to you. I hope you and your wife can reach a solution that makes you both happy and gets your relationship into a better place.
For many young women and men, the end of August marks the start of a new chapter of life — one of higher learning, critical thinking, problem solving, horizon broadening, and lots and lots of casual bonking. It’s a whole new world of unchaperoned independence and freedom combined with 18-year-old hormones — which can result in a lot of really bad life decisions. If you are the kind of wise-beyond-your-years person who only has sober sex with people you’re in a committed relationship with, more power to you! If not, follow these rules to save yourself from (at least some) sex-related humiliation and regret up in your ivory tower.
Keep your condom shelf fully stocked at all times. Whether you’re a man or a woman, make sure you keep a healthy supply of condoms on hand, for you, for your friends, for friends of friends. Invest in decent ones, with lubrication (but not spermicide), because everyone could use a little rehydration after a night of drinking (and, good or bad, many of you will have been drinking…heavily – see tip #3). Replace the condoms when they get close to their expiration date — because the only thing worse than not having a condom is having one that breaks mid sesh.
Carry a condom on you at all times. Do you see a theme here? (And we don’t want to hear about how we’re living in a “post-AIDs/HPV-vaccine world” in which condoms are no longer a requirement; STDs still exist!) You never know when nookie is around the corner, especially on nights out. Keep a condom (more if you can manage it) cool and dry in a purse or loose pocket, not crammed in an overstuffed wallet or squeezed into the back pocket of your skinny jeans.
Don’t do it drunk. Chances are, you will get drunk. Too drunk. Way too drunk. Probably on more than one occasion. We’re not talking about a good, healthy buzz — because let’s face it, that’s the most likely time sex is going to happen for you this year — no, we’re talking completely sloshed. And when that happens, when your balance starts to fail and your voice gets really loud and the room spins a bit, try with all your might NOT to hook up. Have a friend or three on hand who’ve got your back (and will tell you when to “turn back/back off now”). Because the chances of it not going well are exceedingly high. Think: poor sexual performance, blackouts, accusations of date rape, actual date rape, mid-sesh vomiting, forgotten birth control, accidental pregnancy, viral videos, the list goes on.
Have a no hook-up zone. Ground zero is your dorm room and the zone radiates out from there. The closer anyone lives to ground zero, the less advised you are to hook up with them. So: students in other dorms = fair game. Students in same dorm = proceed with caution. Students on same floor = enter (or be entered) at your own risk. Immediate neighbors = turn back now! Roommate = NO!!! And while we’re on the topic of roommates, have respect for yours — don’t keep locking them out while you’re showing someone your dorm room etchings, especially on nights before exams.
Don’t sleep with anyone to get them to like you. This will not work. Sleep with someone because you are attracted to them and would like to have sex now, but only if you can do so without any expectations of a future relationship. If you think sex tonight means you’re dating tomorrow, think again.
Avoid having sex in a fraternity/sorority house. But especially a fraternity house. Because in close-knit community living like that there are no boundaries: people will walk in on you while you’re doing it. Sometimes they’ll stay. They might try to take pictures.
Don’t hook up with your friends’ exes. We know college is inherently incestuous. But you’ve got four more years with your friends. Don’t make it awkward.
Be open and honest about STDs. You’re jumping into a pool of smart, well educated, fun, attractive, decent people — many of whom have sexually transmitted diseases. Hell, you probably have one right now too! There’s nothing shameful about that — it’s just statistics. But that doesn’t mean you can shirk your civic responsibility to be honest about anything you’ve got that might be transferrable — oral herpes counts too! The more people talk about it, the less stigma there will be, and the smarter everyone can be about protecting themselves and the ones they lust.
Don’t schtupp your professor. It’s so cliche. The affair might feel naughty and transgressive, but ultimately it’s an abuse of power on their part. Plus, it’s not worth it for the inevitable mediocre B you’ll get.
Get familiar with your health center, campus security, and your school’s policy related to sexual assault. The health center is your friend: a good one will have free condoms, STD information and check-ups, Plan B and pregnancy tests. Familiarize yourself with campus security: put their number in your phone and memorize it, call them if you need to be picked up or any other kind of help, and know where all the emergency phones are on campus. Finally, now that schools are being forced to actually do something about the on-campus sexual assault epidemic (according to a 2007 study funded by the National Institute of Justice, one in five women will become the victim of an attempted or complete sexual assault during college), review your own school’s current policy so you know your rights and whether you need to insist your school do more.
Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: If a guy asks me how I think his penis ranks size-wise, and I honestly think it’s a little on the small side or perhaps too skinny, what do you think the best approach is?
Straight Married Guy (Fred): I’ll start answering this question with another question: If I honestly think a woman is on the big side or perhaps a little chubby and she asks me if she’s fat, what do you think the best approach is? Of course I tell her that she looks great. But there’s a difference between these two situations: she can eat a healthier diet and exercise but he can’t do anything about his size. She may even be looking for a little motivation with the question, but it’s still polite to fib in this instance. Which means it’s imperative to fib in the other instance. Tell him that you think his size is great. You can add that you’ve seen bigger and, more importantly, you’ve seen smaller, and that he’s just right. Adding that too big can be uncomfortable is always a good tidbit as well. Being honest in this case will only serve to make him forever self-conscious or even more self-conscious than he already is (men hear all the time that “It’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean,” but men also see the widening eyes and devilish smiles when women talk about sizable, girthy man-sausage). A finessed answer can give him the confidence that most women find attractive and will more than make up for his tiny dick.
Straight Single Guy (Chris): This is an easy one: Lie. If you tell the truth (“It’s kind of too skinny…”) his penis may never again work for you, ever. Put yourself in his shoes, “Are my boobs big enough for you? You seem to always look at girls with big boobs when they walk by…” Would you really want him to say “Well, honey, your boobs are cute, but they are much smaller than I prefer. If I could use magic to change you, I would give you natural 34DD’s.” So lie. But before you do, you need to know is that if his penis is small-ish, he already knows. He is already sensitive about it, and he is just hoping you haven’t been with any well-endowed men. So if you overcompensate with an outright fabrication such as, “It’s huge. It’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen,” he will know you are lying to spare his feelings and he will feel even worse. So just say, “Honestly, it’s not the biggest one I’ve ever seen, but it works great for me and you are fantastic in bed. Let’s do it right now!” Trust me, this is the only answer that can work. (more…)
I hate that my fiancé keeps so many photos of his ex-girlfriend. They aren’t framed on the wall or anything, but he has hundreds of photos of their time together — beach vacations where she’s wearing a bikini, cute couple shots, etc etc. He also keeps love letters she wrote for him and things she made for him. I hate the idea that I sometimes come across this stuff when I’m hunting for an envelope or a pair of scissors, but he says he shouldn’t have to pretend that part of his life never existed. What do you think?
— Domestic Censor
What should Domestic Censor do? Leave your advice in the comments section below.
Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes — ignore our advice at your own peril. (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect):
aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
We all have our fantasies of becoming the people we want to be — by working out like Emily Blunt in Edge of Tomorrow, wearing only the hippest rags from obscure Japanese designers, reading classics like Anna Karenina, volunteering at the local home for orphaned supermodels — all in the hopes of getting laid by Mr./Ms. Right. But you can’t pretend to be someone you’re not. So just be yourself. Unless, of course, “being yourself” involves breaking any kind of law or mixing plaid with stripes.
taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
This week, you will be prone to saying things that hurt your partner’s feelings. Let them know how much you care by going parking with all the local teenagers — make out until the windows get all steamy and/or the cops show up.
gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
Don’t take on more than you can handle when it comes to love. You may feel like a John Deere, but your relationship hasn’t reached farm-truck status yet. If you try to take on too much cargo you’ll end up with a flat tire, three hundred miles from the nearest tow-truck. And wouldn’t that suck?
cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
The stars tell us that you’ll find yourself “in a difficult situation” if you start schtupping a married friend. No kidding. But apparently you need a little reminder this week not to go parking your minivan in someone else’s parking spot.
leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Being high maintenance may have looked cute on Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally, but on you, it just clashes with your hair and makes your butt look big.
virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
Shut up and do us, cowboy. Uh, we mean, do whoever it is that you’re doing these days. The only talk we want to hear from you is pillow talk.
libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
Sometimes (okay, almost all times) honesty is the best policy. Take Jennifer Lawrence talking to Vanity Fair about her career: “Not to sound rude, but [acting] is stupid. Everybody’s like, ‘How can you remain with a level head?’ And I’m like, ‘Why would I ever get cocky? I’m not saving anybody’s life. There are doctors who save lives and firemen who run into burning buildings. I’m making movies. It’s stupid.’” Take a tip from JLaw this week and say how you really feel.
scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
Easy there, Tiger! Woah, Nelly! Hang on, Sloopy. You know how dogs are all cute and funny until they start humping your leg? Take a cold shower, you dirty leg-humper, you.
sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
These transportation metaphors are getting flat . . . like a tire! Okay, Sag, we’ll spare you any more locomotion similes (see your friends Capricorn, Pisces, and Aquarius) and get straight to the point: Your reputation is hanging in the balance. Don’t do anything — or anyone — stupid this week.
capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
Things are not likely to go your way in the romance department this week. If love is a battleship and sex is a fast car and going on a date is a bicycle — well, let’s just say you should be walking everywhere for the next few days.
aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
Public transportation is often cheap, dirty and boring. Sex with strangers is often the same way. Travel in (and with) style this week — hell, this year.
pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
This week, you’ll have to grease the wheels, rev up the engine, and kick it into high gear to get the affection you crave. You may even want to splurge on super unleaded gas and an E-Z Pass. Who knows, you may end up getting lucky in the back seat.
LELO knows a thing or two about great intimacy design:
They’ve sold 7 million products as of January 2014
They’re currently sold in 50 international markets
They’ve won 15 major design and industry awards since 2009
But their most recent project is curiously called the UnDesign Award. They asked entrants to go back to design’s roots, to undesign something and conceptualize something original – and it could be anything at all: an app, an artifact, an image, an item, an accessory, whatever – with a single goal in mind: to encourage togetherness, and to inspire a real human interaction, for anyone, anywhere at any time. In short, to replace connectivity with genuine connection.
Here’s a great graphic short on the WHY of the Award:
Submitting closed on August 1st. The shortlist was announced on August 11th. Now you’ve got until August 31st to vote for your favorite “undesign.”Who deserves the following prizes?
$1,000 USD
$300 USD worth of LELO products
Feature design on Design Award website for a year long
Feature design on all LELO blogs
Opportunity for Feature & Interview on Major Design Publications
There will be one winner, announced on September 1st, in each of the following categories:
Fashion & Accessories
Technology, Products and Spaces
Graphic Illustration & Painting
Some entrants seem to have a leg up, as it were, with thousands of votes already counted, while other promising designs are lagging behind in the measly double digits. Is the somewhat cheesy “Intertwined Souls” really 1000 times better than the City Lung idea or the DandyLight? VOTE NOW to decide!
One-night stands are inherently pretty spicy, what with all the excitement of the unknown. But they offer a unique opportunity to expand your sexual repertoire without the possibility of being judged or shamed (at least not by someone you know and love). Next time you take a beautiful stranger back to your place for a one-night stand, take advantage of that opportunity to experiment with acts that you would consider out of character. (And no, we don’t mean letting them tie you up — remember, kids: don’t stare at the sun, don’t run with scissors, and don’t let strangers or vengeful exes tie you up in bed!) Whatever you end up doing, your one-nighter won’t think it’s out of character and therefore unusual — because you’ve only just met! One-night standers who fail to get it on a little naughtier are missing out on half the fun.
If you normally let your partner take the reins in the bedroom, be bossy for a change. Or vice versa.
If you and your previous partners’ clothes always quickly ended up in a pile at your feet, be a little bit more deliberate in the undressing this time around: undress your partner before you let them take off your clothes, or have them lie back and watch you strip ever so slowly, or you could even dare to do a little strip tease!
If your usual dirty talk is limited to “don’t stop” and “oh god,” then try to expand your naughty vocabulary and verbalize a bit more (if the lights are out, they won’t see you blush).
Try that ridiculous position you’ve always been curious about: the wheelbarrow, the jackhammer, doggy-style (remember, “kinky” is a relative term).
If you’ve always wanted to role-play but were worried your ex-partners would laugh at you, tonight’s the night to embrace your inner superhero/farmhand/spanking professor.
Remember, it’s important to practice safer sex — even more so with one-night stands: always carry your own quality condoms and oral sex dams, discuss sexual history beforehand, let a friend know where you’re going and who you’re going with, and go with your gut (i.e. if something doesn’t feel right, don’t do it).
Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:
I had an interesting dream last night where I had been with my boyfriend for a while, but I had began to develop feelings for a new man. The current boyfriend I was with was stubborn, aggressive, impolite, and disrespectful, while the new one was generous, funny, sweet, gentle, and in turn, much more handsome and attractive to me, than my current, not-so-kind boyfriend.
The new man and I would passionately kiss and hold hands and talk about how nice it was being with each other, behind my boyfriend’s back. The thing was that my negative boyfriend and the positive new man were friends — since before I knew either of them. One day the three of us were all together in my room and all of a sudden I started kissing the newer man in front of my boyfriend! My boyfriend became enraged and I felt so guilty. He said I could never speak to his friend again and that he was so stupid for trusting the two of us.
It wasn’t until I woke up that I realized that my boyfriend of two years was both of these men. The current boyfriend I was with had all the less attractive qualities of my boyfriend, while the new man had all his amazing qualities that encourage me to be with him today.
Our relationship has been a little rocky lately and his bipolar sometimes gets in the way of his better qualities. I love him very much and I see us being together for quite some time. I feel this dream has to mean something though. Does it?
Lauri: It certainly does! Bipolar is a very difficult disorder to have and to manage. And that’s what you have to do: manage it, with medication, routine, etc. The loved ones of the individual with bipolar have to manage it as well, and that is precisely what this dream is trying to help you do.
I always say, we are so much wiser when we dream; it is when we do our best thinking. Your dream is giving you a new perspective on your boyfriend’s disorder by showing him to you as two different people… two very different people that both love you. So if you can perceive him as the two boyfriends in your dream, and treat him as such, it may help you quite a bit in real life.
When he’s the aggressive, impolite boyfriend, try to be a calming force for him. When he’s the sweet and funny boyfriend, enjoy the hell out of him. But keep in mind, no matter which boyfriend you are with at any given time, that boyfriend loves you.
Oh, and the guilt you feel in the dream, and your boyfriend’s anger about you kissing and enjoying the other boyfriend — that is really YOUR own guilt. You may find yourself feeling guilty over thoughts of disliking him when he is impolite and stubborn. Don’t beat yourself up over it. That’s natural and it’s okay.
When you do a search for “sex” on Getty Images, you get a lot of interesting results — so many, in fact, that we were compelled to create a superlative series of Getty “sex” search images, which includes a whole subsection of animal-themed lists. Today is part 2 of our beautiful butterfly series (check out Part 1 here).
Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Why didn’t he call (or text/email/Gchat/et al) when he said he would?
Straight Married Guy (Matt): There’s a simple answer to this one: it doesn’t matter. Most women I know get very worked up over this, and it never helps anything. It could be one of ten thousand possible reasons, and there is no chance that sitting and discussing it with your friends ad infinitum or stressing about it is going to help anything. It might just be some reason that has nothing to do with you (family problem, work problem, some other unrelated problem), or hey, maybe he likes you and he scared off the last woman he liked, so he’s forcing himself to pull back a little — or maybe your worst fear is true, and he isn’t actually into you.
You won’t figure any of this out by sitting there and worrying about it or analyzing every tidbit of your last conversation or email exchange looking for clues, so what’s the point? My advice is to do everything possible not to obsess over the guy’s delay in calling. Distract yourself with whatever you can, even a date or flirtation with someone else if that’s what it takes. And if he never calls back, fuck him. At least you can feel good about not having wasted all that time sitting by your phone.
Straight Single Guy (Colin): Let’s be optimistic for a moment. Maybe he was debating how long he should wait to call so that he wouldn’t seem desperate. But now he’s waited too long and feels silly calling so long after the fact. Okay now let’s be realistic. Most likely this guy fell into the trap we all do sometimes, saying what we think we should say instead of what we actually think. Maybe the sparks weren’t there and he didn’t have the heart to tell you. Try to get in touch with him if you can. But if he’s still flakey, give him a quick kick to the curb and move on.
Gay Committed Guy (Terence): While tempted to say, “He’s just not that…” I think not calling is more likely because the alcohol has worn off and/or another woman is already on the side. When a guy wants to get laid, and let’s face it, if he’s asking for your number, then he’s that kind of into you, the first question running through his head after getting your number is why didn’t we just go home then? Calling sets up a whole ‘nother time-consuming process that sometimes just doesn’t seem worth it.
Personally, I think not calling takes real balls — not the good ones. Either you’re an over-confident prick, or you’ve got a girlfriend. You’re over-confident thinking you can get someone better (easier), or you know you may get a little somethin’ started and then have to emergency bail out of the situation. Solution: always, always take his number even though it’s just as shitty to wait around for him to return your calls.
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week they’re all a little shy.
aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
There are two schools of thought when it comes to the school dance: Cling to the wall until you spy the perfect Astaire to your Rogers, or get on the dance floor asap and shake your thang while you wait. Remember the dance-off scene in Grease? Yeah, Sandy didn’t go home with Danny that night, did she? Nope, he hooked up with the bad girl (who, hello, looked about thirty-five!) from the next town over who was dirty dancing right next to them with his best friend.
taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Don’t be too quick to make excuses for your partner. As Frenchy advised a lovelorn Sandy, men can be dogs (women, too). Worse than that, fleas on dogs. Worse than that, amoebas on fleas on dogs, so lowly even the dogs won’t bite them. Have a quiet one this week and enjoy some nights in with the gang.
gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
You’ve got chills, they’re multiplying. And you’re losing control. ‘Cause the power s/he’s supplying, it’s electrifying. Go with the electric flow this week —- let someone know that they’re the one that you want. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Honey.
cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
Don’t take a Scorpion (not to be confused with a Scorpio) to the high school dance just because your original date fell through. Scorpions may have hot cars, but most of them are ugly and pockmarked on the inside. Stay on your own turf.
leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Talking can be so futile, which is why all the characters in Grease spend so much time singing and dancing. No one’s ever made a soundtrack of the inane dialogue in that flick for a reason. Come up with your own musical number this week —- make it catchy and flashy, play out to the rafters, do the hand jive, etc.
virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
Back down a little. Your aggressive nature is likely to get you into trouble this week. Let your partner set the standards for a change. Otherwise, you might find yourself stranded at the drive-in, branded a fool. And then what will they say, Monday at school?
libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
So, you’re hopelessly devoted, eh? Don’t wallow in your crush while wearing a flowery nightgown and writing sappy love letters that you’ll never send. Instead, be like Rizzo and shimmy down the drainpipe to get your kicks while you’re still young enough to get them.
scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
When everyone is whining about what a hunk of junk Kenickie’s new automotive purchase is, Danny convinces the crew —- with pelvic thrusts and dirty talk -— that the car could be systematic, automatic, and hydromatic (whatever the hell that means). Use your powers of persuasion this week to get people interested in your own greased lightnin’.
sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
There are worse things you could do, than go with a boy or two. Sure, but there are better things, too —- like using your brain for a change.
capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
We know it’s tempting to suggest your partner try a Sandy makeover (the nights you’ve spent wishing they’d show up with big hair and rip your cardigan right off). But this week, try to remember that he or she is not your Barbie or Ken to play dress-up with —- do your best to enjoy them just the way they are. Dorky bangs and all.
aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
It’s a bomb to Kenickie’s delicate ego when Rizzo tells him her potential pregnancy is “somebody else’s mistake.” If you don’t treat your own partner with more sensitivity than that, you risk ruining your happy ending at the graduation carnival.
pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
Your actions will be all it will take to win your lover’s affection. So either letter in track like Danny Zuko, or become a black spandex-wearing slut like Sandy Olsson.
As a general rule, we think it’s bad manners — not to mention bad taste — to date or sleep with a friend’s ex, a.k.a. “dating the floor model.” Why ruin a perfectly good friendship for a hook-up that, let’s face it, probably won’t last the season?
The ONLY way we think it’s acceptable to move in on a friend’s ex is to:
(a) wait until that friend has reached some kind of relationship closure;
(b) give the friend a heads up first so they’re not blindsided by the news; and
(c) only do this if you’re convinced that there’s some kind of deep love connection and that you’d be defying Cupid to ignore it.
Obviously the ex in question also bears the same responsibility, but whatever — we expect exes to act like assholes. That’s why they’re exes, after all.
By the way, before you swear up and down that this is Cupid-defying love: Make sure it’s not just a matter of the forbidden being all the more tempting, of obstacles standing in the way of love (or lust) –thereby making it all the more appealing? We get it, we really do — that’s the nature of the beast. But there’s Romeo and Juliet, and then there’s Gossip Girl.
Remember, dating is hard enough on the heart when you and your friends have each other’s back. But when you don’t? It’s soul-destroying.
Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:
All of my life I went to school with the same people, up until high school, when my family moved. So for eight years I had almost every class with the same 20 people, and these people from my childhood keep coming up in my dreams.
The dreams follow the same story line, where all 20 of us go on a field trip at our current ages (19/20). I always end up around my first ex and my first huge crush (J and B) and I always end up making myself look stupid somehow. (It may be important to note that I was always extremely nervous around J and B and I had a years-long on and off thing that wasn’t resolved before I moved).
Recently, there was a new addition to my dreams where, after the embarrassment, I find my old best friend, E, and we end up having sex somewhere quick, like a bathroom cubicle (I’m asexual and she’s bi). I just want to know why, after six years of not speaking to or seeing any of those people, I keep having dreams about them.
Lauri: It’s very common to dream of people from our past, even decades after the last time we saw them. The reason why this is, is because these various people leave an impression on us and become a symbol for some part of our self.
These people were a big part of your “coming of age.” So you may find that you dream of them whenever the idea or the question of getting into a relationship enters your mind.
The way you keep embarrassing yourself in front of them in the dream suggests that you are feeling embarrassed about some part of you in real life. Do you have a lot of concern about how being asexual may look to others? Is that something that is hard for you to share or explain? I would imagine that being asexual, whether it is something you are embarrassed about or not, could be a difficult thing from time to time, because of the societal pressure that you’re supposed to be in a relationship or at least looking for one.
What I think this dream is trying to show you is that the most important relationship you can have is being your own best friend (so many of us are way too hard and critical of ourselves, rather than being forgiving and supportive of our selves). That’s what your old best friend E symbolizes, the friendship you need to have with yourself: like yourself, enjoy your own company, forgive yourself, encourage yourself, etc. just as a good friend would. You have sex with her in the dream because sex symbolizes the merging of someone else’s qualities into yourself.
I think the fact that she is bi is also important. She’s attracted to both sexes, while you are not attracted to either. Society may be causing you to feel pressured to take on some sort of preference. I say for now, just focus on the friend quality that she represents and start working on liking all the wonderful, unique and even quirky things about you! When you like yourself, others can’t help but like the hell out of you, too!
When you do a search for “sex” on Getty Images, you get a lot of interesting results — so many, in fact, that we were compelled to create a superlative series of Getty “sex” search images. There are a many animal sex images, but none as beautiful as butterfly nookie. With so many to choose from, we’re breaking it into two parts (stay tuned for Part 2 next week).
A reader calling themselves “Normal Person” (as opposed to the rest of you perverts, we suppose?) took us to task for our list of “10 Things We Will Tell Our Sons About Sex.” For the record, our sons are both three, so our Serious Conversations with them are currently limited to the importance of sharing toys, eating broccoli, and not pulling down their underwear in public. (Then again, we know some fully grown men not entirely capable in these areas.) And as we said to Normal Person in the comments section, perhaps we wrote that list so we wouldn’t have to talk to our sons about the importance of reciprocity in oral sex.
Still, we think it’s worth imparting to boys the idea that receiving oral isn’t an entitlement, and that vaginas aren’t gross. Way too many men grow up believing this. Then again, ask us ten years from now, when our sons are teenagers, how much of this we’re still willing to impart!
Here’s what Normal Person had to say:
I sure hope you, the mother, are not actually having a conversation with your son about “Oral should be reciprocal.” Lack of boundaries, interjecting yourself into his development in this area. I think he will feel uncomfortable talking to his mom about that — find someone else. This is more about you and your politics and worldview than ensuring the healthy development of your son, if you think it’s appropriate to talk about cunnilingus with your young son.
Think about the creepy equivalent of your father sitting you down to have a “talk” with you and explain that it is important to give blowjobs to your boyfriend if he offers to pleasure you. WTF? I really don’t think you need to interject yourself into this in your parent child relationship.
You may think these issues are important for a man to know if he wants to be a good boyfriend, but it should under no circumstance come from you if you are getting into such specifics. Totally inappropriate. I promise you he will be very uncomfortable.
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Reader Nikki dropped some serious wisdom this week in response to our post, “BDSM Saved My Life, But Is Ruining My Near Perfect Marriage” (we’re thinking we may have to start a Kinksters Anonymous support group to help out all these kink-stressed marriages):
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For many young women and men, the end of August marks the start of a new chapter of life — one of higher learning, critical thinking, problem solving, horizon broadening, and lots and lots of casual bonking. It’s a whole new world of unchaperoned independence and freedom combined with 18-year-old hormones — which can result in a lot of really bad life decisions. If you are the kind of wise-beyond-your-years person who only has sober sex with people you’re in a committed relationship with, more power to you! If not, follow these rules to save yourself from (at least some) sex-related humiliation and regret up in your ivory tower.
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Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: If a guy asks me how I think his penis ranks size-wise, and I honestly think it’s a little on the small side or perhaps too skinny, what do you think the best approach is?
Straight Married Guy (Fred): I’ll start answering this question with another question: If I honestly think a woman is on the big side or perhaps a little chubby and she asks me if she’s fat, what do you think the best approach is? Of course I tell her that she looks great. But there’s a difference between these two situations: she can eat a healthier diet and exercise but he can’t do anything about his size. She may even be looking for a little motivation with the question, but it’s still polite to fib in this instance. Which means it’s imperative to fib in the other instance. Tell him that you think his size is great. You can add that you’ve seen bigger and, more importantly, you’ve seen smaller, and that he’s just right. Adding that too big can be uncomfortable is always a good tidbit as well. Being honest in this case will only serve to make him forever self-conscious or even more self-conscious than he already is (men hear all the time that “It’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean,” but men also see the widening eyes and devilish smiles when women talk about sizable, girthy man-sausage). A finessed answer can give him the confidence that most women find attractive and will more than make up for his tiny dick.
Straight Single Guy (Chris): This is an easy one: Lie. If you tell the truth (“It’s kind of too skinny…”) his penis may never again work for you, ever. Put yourself in his shoes, “Are my boobs big enough for you? You seem to always look at girls with big boobs when they walk by…” Would you really want him to say “Well, honey, your boobs are cute, but they are much smaller than I prefer. If I could use magic to change you, I would give you natural 34DD’s.” So lie. But before you do, you need to know is that if his penis is small-ish, he already knows. He is already sensitive about it, and he is just hoping you haven’t been with any well-endowed men. So if you overcompensate with an outright fabrication such as, “It’s huge. It’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen,” he will know you are lying to spare his feelings and he will feel even worse. So just say, “Honestly, it’s not the biggest one I’ve ever seen, but it works great for me and you are fantastic in bed. Let’s do it right now!” Trust me, this is the only answer that can work.
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We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section.
Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
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Advice Service!
Dear Em & Lo,
I hate that my fiancé keeps so many photos of his ex-girlfriend. They aren’t framed on the wall or anything, but he has hundreds of photos of their time together — beach vacations where she’s wearing a bikini, cute couple shots, etc etc. He also keeps love letters she wrote for him and things she made for him. I hate the idea that I sometimes come across this stuff when I’m hunting for an envelope or a pair of scissors, but he says he shouldn’t have to pretend that part of his life never existed. What do you think?
— Domestic Censor
What should Domestic Censor do? Leave your advice in the comments section below.
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Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes — ignore our advice at your own peril. (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect):
aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
We all have our fantasies of becoming the people we want to be — by working out like Emily Blunt in Edge of Tomorrow, wearing only the hippest rags from obscure Japanese designers, reading classics like Anna Karenina, volunteering at the local home for orphaned supermodels — all in the hopes of getting laid by Mr./Ms. Right. But you can’t pretend to be someone you’re not. So just be yourself. Unless, of course, “being yourself” involves breaking any kind of law or mixing plaid with stripes.
taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
This week, you will be prone to saying things that hurt your partner’s feelings. Let them know how much you care by going parking with all the local teenagers — make out until the windows get all steamy and/or the cops show up.
gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
Don’t take on more than you can handle when it comes to love. You may feel like a John Deere, but your relationship hasn’t reached farm-truck status yet. If you try to take on too much cargo you’ll end up with a flat tire, three hundred miles from the nearest tow-truck. And wouldn’t that suck?
cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
The stars tell us that you’ll find yourself “in a difficult situation” if you start schtupping a married friend. No kidding. But apparently you need a little reminder this week not to go parking your minivan in someone else’s parking spot.
leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Being high maintenance may have looked cute on Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally, but on you, it just clashes with your hair and makes your butt look big.
virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
Shut up and do us, cowboy. Uh, we mean, do whoever it is that you’re doing these days. The only talk we want to hear from you is pillow talk.
libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
Sometimes (okay, almost all times) honesty is the best policy. Take Jennifer Lawrence talking to Vanity Fair about her career: “Not to sound rude, but [acting] is stupid. Everybody’s like, ‘How can you remain with a level head?’ And I’m like, ‘Why would I ever get cocky? I’m not saving anybody’s life. There are doctors who save lives and firemen who run into burning buildings. I’m making movies. It’s stupid.’” Take a tip from JLaw this week and say how you really feel.
scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
Easy there, Tiger! Woah, Nelly! Hang on, Sloopy. You know how dogs are all cute and funny until they start humping your leg? Take a cold shower, you dirty leg-humper, you.
sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
These transportation metaphors are getting flat . . . like a tire! Okay, Sag, we’ll spare you any more locomotion similes (see your friends Capricorn, Pisces, and Aquarius) and get straight to the point: Your reputation is hanging in the balance. Don’t do anything — or anyone — stupid this week.
capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
Things are not likely to go your way in the romance department this week. If love is a battleship and sex is a fast car and going on a date is a bicycle — well, let’s just say you should be walking everywhere for the next few days.
aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
Public transportation is often cheap, dirty and boring. Sex with strangers is often the same way. Travel in (and with) style this week — hell, this year.
pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
This week, you’ll have to grease the wheels, rev up the engine, and kick it into high gear to get the affection you crave. You may even want to splurge on super unleaded gas and an E-Z Pass. Who knows, you may end up getting lucky in the back seat.
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LELO knows a thing or two about great intimacy design:
But their most recent project is curiously called the UnDesign Award. They asked entrants to go back to design’s roots, to undesign something and conceptualize something original – and it could be anything at all: an app, an artifact, an image, an item, an accessory, whatever – with a single goal in mind: to encourage togetherness, and to inspire a real human interaction, for anyone, anywhere at any time. In short, to replace connectivity with genuine connection.
Here’s a great graphic short on the WHY of the Award:
Submitting closed on August 1st. The shortlist was announced on August 11th. Now you’ve got until August 31st to vote for your favorite “undesign.” Who deserves the following prizes?
There will be one winner, announced on September 1st, in each of the following categories:
Some entrants seem to have a leg up, as it were, with thousands of votes already counted, while other promising designs are lagging behind in the measly double digits. Is the somewhat cheesy “Intertwined Souls” really 1000 times better than the City Lung idea or the DandyLight? VOTE NOW to decide!
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One-night stands are inherently pretty spicy, what with all the excitement of the unknown. But they offer a unique opportunity to expand your sexual repertoire without the possibility of being judged or shamed (at least not by someone you know and love). Next time you take a beautiful stranger back to your place for a one-night stand, take advantage of that opportunity to experiment with acts that you would consider out of character. (And no, we don’t mean letting them tie you up — remember, kids: don’t stare at the sun, don’t run with scissors, and don’t let strangers or vengeful exes tie you up in bed!) Whatever you end up doing, your one-nighter won’t think it’s out of character and therefore unusual — because you’ve only just met! One-night standers who fail to get it on a little naughtier are missing out on half the fun.
Remember, it’s important to practice safer sex — even more so with one-night stands: always carry your own quality condoms and oral sex dams, discuss sexual history beforehand, let a friend know where you’re going and who you’re going with, and go with your gut (i.e. if something doesn’t feel right, don’t do it).
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Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:
I had an interesting dream last night where I had been with my boyfriend for a while, but I had began to develop feelings for a new man. The current boyfriend I was with was stubborn, aggressive, impolite, and disrespectful, while the new one was generous, funny, sweet, gentle, and in turn, much more handsome and attractive to me, than my current, not-so-kind boyfriend.
The new man and I would passionately kiss and hold hands and talk about how nice it was being with each other, behind my boyfriend’s back. The thing was that my negative boyfriend and the positive new man were friends — since before I knew either of them. One day the three of us were all together in my room and all of a sudden I started kissing the newer man in front of my boyfriend! My boyfriend became enraged and I felt so guilty. He said I could never speak to his friend again and that he was so stupid for trusting the two of us.
It wasn’t until I woke up that I realized that my boyfriend of two years was both of these men. The current boyfriend I was with had all the less attractive qualities of my boyfriend, while the new man had all his amazing qualities that encourage me to be with him today.
Our relationship has been a little rocky lately and his bipolar sometimes gets in the way of his better qualities. I love him very much and I see us being together for quite some time. I feel this dream has to mean something though. Does it?
I always say, we are so much wiser when we dream; it is when we do our best thinking. Your dream is giving you a new perspective on your boyfriend’s disorder by showing him to you as two different people… two very different people that both love you. So if you can perceive him as the two boyfriends in your dream, and treat him as such, it may help you quite a bit in real life.
When he’s the aggressive, impolite boyfriend, try to be a calming force for him. When he’s the sweet and funny boyfriend, enjoy the hell out of him. But keep in mind, no matter which boyfriend you are with at any given time, that boyfriend loves you.
Oh, and the guilt you feel in the dream, and your boyfriend’s anger about you kissing and enjoying the other boyfriend — that is really YOUR own guilt. You may find yourself feeling guilty over thoughts of disliking him when he is impolite and stubborn. Don’t beat yourself up over it. That’s natural and it’s okay.
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When you do a search for “sex” on Getty Images, you get a lot of interesting results — so many, in fact, that we were compelled to create a superlative series of Getty “sex” search images, which includes a whole subsection of animal-themed lists. Today is part 2 of our beautiful butterfly series (check out Part 1 here).
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Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Why didn’t he call (or text/email/Gchat/et al) when he said he would?
Straight Married Guy (Matt): There’s a simple answer to this one: it doesn’t matter. Most women I know get very worked up over this, and it never helps anything. It could be one of ten thousand possible reasons, and there is no chance that sitting and discussing it with your friends ad infinitum or stressing about it is going to help anything. It might just be some reason that has nothing to do with you (family problem, work problem, some other unrelated problem), or hey, maybe he likes you and he scared off the last woman he liked, so he’s forcing himself to pull back a little — or maybe your worst fear is true, and he isn’t actually into you.
You won’t figure any of this out by sitting there and worrying about it or analyzing every tidbit of your last conversation or email exchange looking for clues, so what’s the point? My advice is to do everything possible not to obsess over the guy’s delay in calling. Distract yourself with whatever you can, even a date or flirtation with someone else if that’s what it takes. And if he never calls back, fuck him. At least you can feel good about not having wasted all that time sitting by your phone.
Straight Single Guy (Colin): Let’s be optimistic for a moment. Maybe he was debating how long he should wait to call so that he wouldn’t seem desperate. But now he’s waited too long and feels silly calling so long after the fact. Okay now let’s be realistic. Most likely this guy fell into the trap we all do sometimes, saying what we think we should say instead of what we actually think. Maybe the sparks weren’t there and he didn’t have the heart to tell you. Try to get in touch with him if you can. But if he’s still flakey, give him a quick kick to the curb and move on.
Gay Committed Guy (Terence): While tempted to say, “He’s just not that…” I think not calling is more likely because the alcohol has worn off and/or another woman is already on the side. When a guy wants to get laid, and let’s face it, if he’s asking for your number, then he’s that kind of into you, the first question running through his head after getting your number is why didn’t we just go home then? Calling sets up a whole ‘nother time-consuming process that sometimes just doesn’t seem worth it.
Personally, I think not calling takes real balls — not the good ones. Either you’re an over-confident prick, or you’ve got a girlfriend. You’re over-confident thinking you can get someone better (easier), or you know you may get a little somethin’ started and then have to emergency bail out of the situation. Solution: always, always take his number even though it’s just as shitty to wait around for him to return your calls.
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Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week they’re all a little shy.
aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
There are two schools of thought when it comes to the school dance: Cling to the wall until you spy the perfect Astaire to your Rogers, or get on the dance floor asap and shake your thang while you wait. Remember the dance-off scene in Grease? Yeah, Sandy didn’t go home with Danny that night, did she? Nope, he hooked up with the bad girl (who, hello, looked about thirty-five!) from the next town over who was dirty dancing right next to them with his best friend.
taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Don’t be too quick to make excuses for your partner. As Frenchy advised a lovelorn Sandy, men can be dogs (women, too). Worse than that, fleas on dogs. Worse than that, amoebas on fleas on dogs, so lowly even the dogs won’t bite them. Have a quiet one this week and enjoy some nights in with the gang.
gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
You’ve got chills, they’re multiplying. And you’re losing control. ‘Cause the power s/he’s supplying, it’s electrifying. Go with the electric flow this week —- let someone know that they’re the one that you want. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Honey.
cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
Don’t take a Scorpion (not to be confused with a Scorpio) to the high school dance just because your original date fell through. Scorpions may have hot cars, but most of them are ugly and pockmarked on the inside. Stay on your own turf.
leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Talking can be so futile, which is why all the characters in Grease spend so much time singing and dancing. No one’s ever made a soundtrack of the inane dialogue in that flick for a reason. Come up with your own musical number this week —- make it catchy and flashy, play out to the rafters, do the hand jive, etc.
virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
Back down a little. Your aggressive nature is likely to get you into trouble this week. Let your partner set the standards for a change. Otherwise, you might find yourself stranded at the drive-in, branded a fool. And then what will they say, Monday at school?
libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
So, you’re hopelessly devoted, eh? Don’t wallow in your crush while wearing a flowery nightgown and writing sappy love letters that you’ll never send. Instead, be like Rizzo and shimmy down the drainpipe to get your kicks while you’re still young enough to get them.
scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
When everyone is whining about what a hunk of junk Kenickie’s new automotive purchase is, Danny convinces the crew —- with pelvic thrusts and dirty talk -— that the car could be systematic, automatic, and hydromatic (whatever the hell that means). Use your powers of persuasion this week to get people interested in your own greased lightnin’.
sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
There are worse things you could do, than go with a boy or two. Sure, but there are better things, too —- like using your brain for a change.
capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
We know it’s tempting to suggest your partner try a Sandy makeover (the nights you’ve spent wishing they’d show up with big hair and rip your cardigan right off). But this week, try to remember that he or she is not your Barbie or Ken to play dress-up with —- do your best to enjoy them just the way they are. Dorky bangs and all.
aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
It’s a bomb to Kenickie’s delicate ego when Rizzo tells him her potential pregnancy is “somebody else’s mistake.” If you don’t treat your own partner with more sensitivity than that, you risk ruining your happy ending at the graduation carnival.
pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
Your actions will be all it will take to win your lover’s affection. So either letter in track like Danny Zuko, or become a black spandex-wearing slut like Sandy Olsson.
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As a general rule, we think it’s bad manners — not to mention bad taste — to date or sleep with a friend’s ex, a.k.a. “dating the floor model.” Why ruin a perfectly good friendship for a hook-up that, let’s face it, probably won’t last the season?
The ONLY way we think it’s acceptable to move in on a friend’s ex is to:
(a) wait until that friend has reached some kind of relationship closure;
(b) give the friend a heads up first so they’re not blindsided by the news; and
(c) only do this if you’re convinced that there’s some kind of deep love connection and that you’d be defying Cupid to ignore it.
Obviously the ex in question also bears the same responsibility, but whatever — we expect exes to act like assholes. That’s why they’re exes, after all.
By the way, before you swear up and down that this is Cupid-defying love: Make sure it’s not just a matter of the forbidden being all the more tempting, of obstacles standing in the way of love (or lust) –thereby making it all the more appealing? We get it, we really do — that’s the nature of the beast. But there’s Romeo and Juliet, and then there’s Gossip Girl.
Remember, dating is hard enough on the heart when you and your friends have each other’s back. But when you don’t? It’s soul-destroying.
Want to get advice on your own love life? Click here to ask us a question!
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Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:
All of my life I went to school with the same people, up until high school, when my family moved. So for eight years I had almost every class with the same 20 people, and these people from my childhood keep coming up in my dreams.
The dreams follow the same story line, where all 20 of us go on a field trip at our current ages (19/20). I always end up around my first ex and my first huge crush (J and B) and I always end up making myself look stupid somehow. (It may be important to note that I was always extremely nervous around J and B and I had a years-long on and off thing that wasn’t resolved before I moved).
Recently, there was a new addition to my dreams where, after the embarrassment, I find my old best friend, E, and we end up having sex somewhere quick, like a bathroom cubicle (I’m asexual and she’s bi). I just want to know why, after six years of not speaking to or seeing any of those people, I keep having dreams about them.
These people were a big part of your “coming of age.” So you may find that you dream of them whenever the idea or the question of getting into a relationship enters your mind.
The way you keep embarrassing yourself in front of them in the dream suggests that you are feeling embarrassed about some part of you in real life. Do you have a lot of concern about how being asexual may look to others? Is that something that is hard for you to share or explain? I would imagine that being asexual, whether it is something you are embarrassed about or not, could be a difficult thing from time to time, because of the societal pressure that you’re supposed to be in a relationship or at least looking for one.
What I think this dream is trying to show you is that the most important relationship you can have is being your own best friend (so many of us are way too hard and critical of ourselves, rather than being forgiving and supportive of our selves). That’s what your old best friend E symbolizes, the friendship you need to have with yourself: like yourself, enjoy your own company, forgive yourself, encourage yourself, etc. just as a good friend would. You have sex with her in the dream because sex symbolizes the merging of someone else’s qualities into yourself.
I think the fact that she is bi is also important. She’s attracted to both sexes, while you are not attracted to either. Society may be causing you to feel pressured to take on some sort of preference. I say for now, just focus on the friend quality that she represents and start working on liking all the wonderful, unique and even quirky things about you! When you like yourself, others can’t help but like the hell out of you, too!
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When you do a search for “sex” on Getty Images, you get a lot of interesting results — so many, in fact, that we were compelled to create a superlative series of Getty “sex” search images. There are a many animal sex images, but none as beautiful as butterfly nookie. With so many to choose from, we’re breaking it into two parts (stay tuned for Part 2 next week).
A reader calling themselves “Normal Person” (as opposed to the rest of you perverts, we suppose?) took us to task for our list of “10 Things We Will Tell Our Sons About Sex.” For the record, our sons are both three, so our Serious Conversations with them are currently limited to the importance of sharing toys, eating broccoli, and not pulling down their underwear in public. (Then again, we know some fully grown men not entirely capable in these areas.) And as we said to Normal Person in the comments section, perhaps we wrote that list so we wouldn’t have to talk to our sons about the importance of reciprocity in oral sex.
Still, we think it’s worth imparting to boys the idea that receiving oral isn’t an entitlement, and that vaginas aren’t gross. Way too many men grow up believing this. Then again, ask us ten years from now, when our sons are teenagers, how much of this we’re still willing to impart!
Here’s what Normal Person had to say:
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