All posts by Em Taylor

Blog Snog: 02-06-09
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smittensphoto via cocoknits

A weekly roundup of sex- and love-related posts from some of our favorite blogs.

Poll: What Do You Think About Threesomes?
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photo via flickr

If you can’t see the poll, click here to take it.

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Poll: What's Your Ultimate Dealbreaker?
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If you can’t see the poll, click here to take it.

Introducing Twitter Sex… Because Text Sex Is So 2008
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iphone_lingeriephoto by coreforce

We have to admit, reading Violet Blue’s article on Twitter sex made us feel a little out of it. And, okay, a little old. We have a Twitter account because someone told us we should sign up, but we’ve never actually “Twittered” and we’re not sure we ever will. So we think it’s pretty safe to say that we will never, ever Twitter in bed. We’re still trying to get our heads around text sex…how could that possibly be fulfilling?! Don’t you need both thumbs to text?!

But apparently getting down and dirty via Twitter is what all the kids are doing these days. As far as we can tell, it works pretty much like text sex (yawn), except unlike with texting, it’s all too easy to accidentally have Twitter sex in public — meaning, you might accidentally cc all your friends on your intimate encounter. For those of you who actually understand Twitter-ese, this happens when you communicate “@” someone instead of directly to them. We just hope they’ve all got virus protection.

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Be a Kinder, Gentler Breaker-Upper
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no_dumping_signphoto by aturkus

When breaking up with someone after one or a handful of dates, remember that it’s not just Blanche who depends on the kindness of strangers. So here’s how to be a little bit nicer about the fact that you don’t, actually, want to embark on a beautiful relationship with them: Be specific about the qualities you admire in them (e.g. their excellent taste in domestic beer, their mad poker skills), and very general about those that make a relationship impossible (avoid mentioning that you could never be seen in public with someone who wears Docksiders). Blame it on a lack of chemistry or click — being dumped is never quite as painful when you can chalk it up to “chemistry.”

Celebrities Do It Too! (01-30-09)
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jessica_simpsonphoto by jvh33

Sugasm: The Way to Know What's Happening on Other Sex Blogs
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blogging_tshirtphoto by antigone78

The best of this week’s sex blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Below are the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Which includes yours truly — we loved the “2009 Wish” post just below…

This Week’s Picks
A 2009 Wish For Smut Writers
“Sex bloggers are on the cusp of what I see as being a new kind of sexual revolution.”

Q&A with Domina Doll
“I enjoy teaching others how to explore that aspect of themselves.”

Overtaken
“He kissed the side of my neck, sweeping my long hair out of the way, working his mouth across the side of my neck to press little bites along my collarbone.”

Sugasm Editor
Sex Work And Honesty: When The Truth Hurts

Editor’s Choice
Dictation with Davis

More Sugasm
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See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday. Want to join in the next Sugasm? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing radicalvixenatgmaildotcom.

Do It Tonight! Go Ahead and Close Your Eyes
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eyeballsphoto by net_efekt

It is officially not bad manners to close your eyes while receiving head if that helps you get to your happy place — especially for the ladies who may need a little help staying focused during cunnilingus. That said, it’s nice to occasionally take a peek to check in on your partner. After all, you don’t want your partner to get all insecure and think that your eyes are closed so you can pretend you’re being serviced by People’s Sexiest Man/Woman Alive. (Though, for the record, it’s okay to do that sometimes, too — however, if your mind is on someone else every time you get busy, you might want to ponder just how attracted you actually are to the real life person in your bed.) But whether your eyes are open or closed, please remember that a mid-sesh wink — at either end of the oral sex equation — is extremely hard to pull off with class.

Confession: Rocking Around the Dickmas Tree
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dickmas

Our contributor Liz Nadybal, a recent Rutgers graduate who blogs at Hub City Brotel, has a confession to make:

Here’s the dilemma: You amass a large number of condoms (thanks to your dear mom plying you with multi-packs every time she sees you), lube and penis whistles. You were supposed to hand them out on Valentine’s Day to your dearest friends, but it’s now nearly Christmas.

This was the situation my friend Zada found herself in back in 2007, and so when we gathered for our annual Secret Santa party, we decided to incorporate the condoms, lube and penis whistles — oh my!

The nine of us girls — from juniors in college to recent graduates — gathered in the dick-adorned apartment, though the atmosphere was far from sexy. Penises bring out an almost silly side in women in the company of other women. Especially when you throw sangria into the mix. There were no sex-themed gifts — this was the beta event, after all, so the gifts were more like “Pretty Pretty Princess” the board game. But as the sangria circulated the room, we ended up posing for photos with the penis whistles. And when Zada posted the photos on Facebook, an annual tradition was born. We decided to call it “Dickmas.”

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Wise Guys: Do Men Ever Turn Down Casual Sex?
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guy_hand_rejectionphoto by vsqz

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do guys ever turn down casual sex? To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Married Guy (Jamie): My own experience with casual sex is a bit limited.  I was always a “girlfriend guy” and it was only between relationships that I occasionally had the chance to get freaky with someone I wasn’t dating.  I’m sure there are plenty of reasons why a guy might choose to go home to his Xbox over a no-strings-attached BJ, but in my case it was almost always because the girl was way too drunk.  Call me old-fashioned, but there’s just nothing sexy to me about that slack-jawed, half-lidded stare from some girl in a bar who spills most of her drink wobbling over to you to invite you home.  The couple of times I did go home with someone who was far less than sober, the sex was always overly urgent and awkward and (shocker!) I usually regretted it.

Straight Single Guy (Chris): Yes guys do, contrary to popular belief, turn down casual sex on occasion. The number one reason given, “That bitch was crazy!” It’s really simple. Guys love casual sex when it is actually casual. If the chances of the girl going sideways and stalking, calling every day thereafter, or crying hysterically is too high, the risk to reward ratio is simply not good enough to take the chance. In all likelihood, any guy who is trolling for casual sex has a handful of booty-call numbers in his phone anyway, and isn’t scared to use them.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): Gay guys turning down casual sex is like Tara Reid turning down a drink, but it does happen from time to time. The reasons can include just about anything from “I’m too drunk” to “you’re too ugly,” to “I’m going shopping with my mom,” but I find the most common reason guys turn down casual sex is because they’re in or starting a more serious relationship. And straight guys? I don’t think they’re any different from gay guys in this respect (except for, perhaps, the shopping thing). To a lesser extent, guys abstain from doing it no-strings to avoid passing on any temporary if nasty bugs. Gotta be clean!

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross and our Straight Single Guy is Chris DiClerico. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Dream Interpretation: I Keep Having Sex with My Fiancé's Brother
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two_boyfriends_tshirtphoto by MyLifeStory

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a woman asks Lauri:

I keep having these dreams about my fiancé’s brother, and now it’s really starting to scare me.  Here’s the basic info of the way he normally is:

A good majority of the time, he is rude, argumentative and sarcastic towards me. We’ve figured out the reason: I’m standing in the way of he and his little brother. They were always together through everything. Then I came in the picture and basically cut him off in his eyes.  But recently, he has been very kind and fun to be around, which is a total change for the way he was before.

In my dreams he is very emotional towards me.  He snuggles up against me, tries kissing me, caresses me, etc.  I tell him that we can’t because of his brother,  and he tells me he knows but he still keeps going at it. I try to resist at first, but I eventually give in. In the dreams, he’s kind, gentle and very romantic.  Basically, he’s being everything that my fiancé rarely is. In the dreams, I eventually snuggle, sneak kisses, and fall in love with him. All the while thinking about how this is wrong to do to my fiancé.

The dreams are very vivid in my mind and I find it very hard to look at him.  What does this mean? I’m finding him very attractive and more interesting than before due to these dreams and am starting to get very worried about this. What is going on?

Is our dreamer with the wrong brother? Find out what Lauri says after the jump…

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Our Top 10 Favorite Search Terms That Led People to EMandLO.com This Month
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photo via flickr

We’re afraid the majority of searchers were sorely disappointed:

  1. britney sex animal
  2. always wanting to masturbate
  3. penis
  4. anal sex tv channel
  5. wearing ankle bracelets
  6. porn better than a girlfriend
  7. do it for love
  8. tapeworm rimming
  9. watch free feminist porn
  10. brazilian fart porn with dirty shoe
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Do It Tonight! Make Your One-Night Stand a Little Naughtier
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lick_toes_dicephoto by Aoife city womanchile

Next time you take a beautiful stranger back to your place for a one-night stand, use the opportunity to experiment with acts that you consider out of character. (And no, we don’t mean letting them tie you up — remember, kids: don’t stare at the sun, don’t run with scissors, and don’t let strangers or vengeful exes tie you up in bed.) If you normally let your partner take the reins in the bedroom, why not be bossy for a change? If you’ve always wanted to role-play but were worried your partner would laugh at you, tonight’s the night to embrace your inner superhero/farmhand/spanking professor. Or perhaps you just want to do it doggy-style (remember, “kinky” is a relative term). The most important thing is, whatever you do, your one-night won’t think it’s out of character — because you’ve only just met! One-night standers who fail to talk a little dirtier or get it on a little naughtier are missing out on half the fun.

Dear Em & Lo: What's a Good My First Vibrator?
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laya_spot_vibratorphoto via funfactory.de

Hi Em & Lo,
I recently turned twenty and for a few months now have been curiously debating getting a vibrator.  Thanks to a fairly conservative upbringing, my experiences with sex, masturbation, and just about anything conceivably related are virtually nil, and I have no idea how to go about finding what would be a good place to start.  On top of that, I’m a broke college student and I can’t spend a lot of money.  Do you have any somewhat inexpensive but still good quality recommendations?  Any advice would be much, much appreciated!
–Bargain Hunter

Dear B.H.,

Good for you! Exploring on your own is the best way to start learning the pattern of your sexual response — especially if you’ve had a conservative upbringing and/or little to nil sexual experience. Too many straight women wait for a fella to come ’round to show them the way — but those dudes often don’t have a map (or else they don’t care if you get left behind). But if more women took the initiative, we’d probably get a lot fewer letters from gals saying they can’t orgasm during sex with a partner. After all, doing it on your own means you’re much more likely to be able to do it with a partner — and you’re much more likely to be able to ask for what you want when you’re with that partner, too.

And just in case you’re still “curiously debating,” here’s one more reason to go for it: Studies have shown that more than a third of women own vibrators, and that those who use them experience higher levels of sexual desire and more orgasms than those who don’t.

Okay, so now you’ve got to choose your weapon. You were right to ask us, because there’s a lot of crap out there, and though we know it might be tempting to go bargain-basement shopping in the middle of a recession, you do have to pay a little bit extra for a quality toy. And by quality, we don’t mean “Swarovski-crystal-encrusted,” we just mean one that’s actually meant to be used as a vibrator, and not “for novelty purposes only.”

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Sex Ed, Obama Style: We Can't Hardly Wait!
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sex_ed_collagephoto collage by Lew57

There are a million and one reasons we’re giddy with excitement that Obama takes office today, and here’s just one: We are so ready to kiss abstinence-only sex education goodbye. Or at least, the federal funding for it. We know there’s no guarantee that Obama will turn off the faucet on these funds, but we have a pretty good feeling about it. After all, he’s a smart man, and funding these programs was classic Dubya (et al) stoopid.

Over the past decade, more than $1.5 billion has been spent on abstinence-only programs, and numerous studies — including a federally funded one! — have found zero evidence (that’s right, zero) that they deter teen sex. In fact, some studies have even found that abstinence-only programs make teens even less likely to use condoms when they eventually break their virginity pledge (and most of them do, eventually, break that pledge — and we’re not talking about the honeymoon). That’s because they haven’t learned the truth about sex: Instead of getting their sex ed from responsible, authoritative, fact-based resources, they’ve had to rely on uninformed friends, the rumor mill, and really bad internet porn.

So a premature ovation to you, Obama! May young adults across the country thank you when they fall in love, wait, respect each other, and — should the time come (as it were) — break out the latex while using a backup birth control method…after having visited their trusted doctors first. Oh, and Dubya? The next new STD that they discover, we’re naming it after you.