Blog Snog (03-20-09)

melonsphoto by ritingon

A weekly roundup of sex- and love-related posts from some of our favorite blogs and websites:


  1. Edit: I think Grant (and Susannah, too!) should read “Yes Means Yes” not because of “I did it for science,” but after reading his “who has it worse” article. Reason being it makes some really concerted efforts to make heterosex into something different, where both yes and no are respected. I’m oversimplifying it, but it talks of enthusiastic participation as consent, no assumptions made.

  2. I think Grant (may I call him Grant?) makes some good micro-points, but I disagree on the whole.

    In saying that women can pick and choose sexual partners at will, there is an implicit idea that these partners are all assumed to say yes. In doing so, he contradicts his own experience of choosing not to have sex in some situations because he doesn’t feel like it (I give him kudos for knowing himself well enough to say “I’m not into this” in these situations). There are constrictive gender roles and sexual expectations for both men and women, but men still have the ability to question and refuse aspects of theirs without fear of anything more than “emasculating” epithets (which are based on this masculinity the men purport to be trying to escape in saying they have it worse).

    When news publications still say a perpetrator “had sex with her while she was unconscious at the party” instead of “raped” (see numerous posts at Feministing), the answer should be clear regarding who has it “worse.” Put more simply, if a woman is deemed a slut, she is “asking for it” whether or not she actually wants it. The worst a man saying no will encounter is ridicule, though he still has the privilege to refuse to accept the ridicule. I hope this makes sense.

    I found Grant’s “I did it for science” column really fun, though I think he would gain something by reading “Yes Means Yes” edited by Friedman/Valenti. Hell, I think most people would!

    More Nerve nostalgia: I really dug/dig the site, but there were times when I felt some of the content was coming from a “sex bubble” (NYC likely has some part in this) somewhat akin to how those in Washington, D.C. live in a “politics bubble.”

    One more overly verbose thing: Susannah (may I call her Susannah?) mentions Tucker Max’s book turned movie. When college-age women come into the bookstore asking for the book and telling their friends it’s “so funny” and the book is “hilarious,” it just shows me how far we *all* have to go with gender and sex expectations.

    I hope this was easier to read than to write! 🙂 My brain hurts…

  3. Losers vs Sluts – Losers totally have it worse! As long as you’re getting called nasty names, wouldn’t you like to get some sex out of it?

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