Comment of the Week: How to Handle a Husband Who Doesn’t Want Sex

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We had a question from one of our readers asking about why her husband isn’t interested in sex. We had lots of responses from seeing if she could buy testosterone from a legit source to increase his sex drive, suggesting going to counselling, and even some people saying just get someone else involved. But, we thought we would share with you the best comment we found on the topic:

Reader K said the following in response to the post, “Your Call: My Husband Isn’t Interested in Sex with Me.”

I am dealing with some of the same issues. My husband hardly ever wants to have sex. He used to blame it on my weight gain, the house is messy, he’s too tired . . . Finally he admitted that he has trouble getting it up. He’s in his mid 50s, a long-time smoker, and diabetic. I clicked on this page because I was hoping someone had some ideas. Instead I feel that I have advice:

  1. There are likely deeper issues there. See if you can get some alone time to tell him how much you love him and let him know you want to know what’s REALLY going on.
  2. Get him to a doctor if you can. Diabetes, high blood pressure, low testosterone, high stress, obesity, and many other conditions may make it difficult or impossible for him to perform.
  3. Be patient. Sometimes I think of how I would handle things if my husband was paralyzed or otherwise truly unable to have sex. I would still stick with him because I love him.

I hope some of this is helpful. I have gotten to the point where I’ve been turned down for sex so many times that it’s hard to try anymore, but I won’t give up. I love him too much to allow lack of sex to ruin a good thing.