Comment: Why Size Matters…Until It Doesn’t

Reader MrAverage said the following in response to our post “Your Call: Do Bigger Penises Lead to Different Orgasms for Women?”

Size matters and it doesn’t. Let me explain that apparent contradiction.

My wife’s ex was an acquaintance of mine – we played on the same soccer team. He was hung, everybody joked about it, although not huge (my wife measured him, 8×6). He took my wife’s virginity & they had a two-year relationship before he dumped her (his loss) and my wife & I got together.

The size difference, which my wife joked about in the beginning (such as saying my 1-inch cock looks like a cocktail sausage when soft – in fairness, it does) didn’t bother me because although I’m only 5 inches erect (and 5 inches girth, which is average), I give her regular orgasms & I assumed all female orgasms were the same.

But a couple of things she said always bothered me. When we first had sex, she said she couldn’t feel me (the words she uttered weren’t exactly the ball-crushing ‘Are you in yet?’ but close enough). Also, she said she liked sex fast, hard & deep as she was a vaginal orgasmer. Well, over the years due to discussions with male and female friends and Internet browsing, I realised I give my wife loads of clitoral orgasms but nothing else.

My insecurity grew to the point that I started to pester her about how I compared to her ex (crazy, I know, but I reckoned I was mature enough to deal with the truth, and I couldn’t bear not knowing).

She assured me I was ‘fine’ and she had ‘no problems’ with my size. Call me over sensitive but I felt damned with faint praise. I continued to pester her until she finally relented, saying ‘OK you want the truth – yes he was much bigger and yes, bigger is definitely better.’

Why, I asked her? ‘I felt him, every move he made inside me, there was stretching, an amazing feeling of fullness, the constant in-out pressure on my labia and friction on my vaginal walls.’ She feels none of those sensations with me. Also because he was long, he hit a nerve (the vagus nerve, i think) at the back of her vagina (cervix, anterior fornix?) which sent tingling down her spine and into her lower abdomen everytime he thrusted.

OK, so actual sex felt a lot more pleasurable! But what about orgasm? Did size all equal out then? No, again. The orgasms he gave her were very different from the ones I give her. The ones she had with him were basically an extension of the tingling she’d felt at the back of her vagina. That became a ‘tingling explosion’ that worked up her body from inside up her spine. The tingling persisted for up to fifteen minutes after sex. She didn’t always orgasm with him but said the orgasms were more intense, pleasurable, long-lasting and deep.

The orgasms I have with her are based around the vagina and are short, sharp, superficial explosions that are over in seconds – classic clitoral, from what I’ve discovered. There’s a massive difference between vaginal and clitoral, apparently! Well, I asked!

Worse, she said that feeling at the ‘disposal’ of a really big cock – ie that the guy had the ability to hurt her with it – made her feel more feminine, and for her to regard him as more masculine.

For a while I wasn’t able to handle the truth. I knew her ex, he was a great guy, but I found myself hating him through penis envy, which is very immature but essentially very human.

Anyway, after a while I tried to compensate for my lack of size by getting bigger dildos & vibrators etc, and asking my wife to do kegels.

Yet my wife expressed no interest in anything large, which perplexed me. Also, she saw the ben wa balls I got her as a pain to use, and only uses them when I ask her. Does she wish I had a bigger penis? Yes, she admits, it would be nice, but more because of my insecurity than because of any lack of pleasure I give her, before adding that she could live blissfully without ever having those sensations again because she loves me & has actually come to enjoy clitoral orgasms immensely, especially when I use a vibrator.

No matter how hard I’ve tried to transpose my insecurities about size onto her, she resists, saying it’s so much more about the whole package, and that for her size is a small (excuse the pun) part of that equation. I believe her, despite the fact that women are perpetual liars when it comes to size, except when they’re with their girlfriends & small guys get ridiculed & sniggered over (my wife confirms that and so do a few close platonic girlfriends and gay friends).

When my wife met me she said the last thing she was thinking, despite her previous experience, was whether my penis was a decent size. This is mostly a guy thing – thinking most women think that way, when they really don’t.

Rather, she was thinking about how well suited we were emotionally and intellectually. She says she & most of her friends would list the following priorities when considering a man as a long term mate: face first, then personality, followed by body (particularly height in relation to her, shape & buttocks), intelligence, hygiene, then penis size.

Any disappointment she felt at eventually discovering my size, she says, was far outweighed by my other attributes, although she did admit a penis under about 4 inches would push the limits of what she was happy to accept.

My take from all that is: there are certainly women who will choose men based on penis size and reject those who don’t measure up – they are the true size queens. But they’re by no means the majority of women – although my wife’s best friend is an avowed size queen, so they’re definitely not a statistically insignificant minority, either.

In fact, even when a woman has sampled the pleasures of a big cock, such as my wife, they are happy to settle for less size, even far less size, if the man ticks other boxes & if she loves him.

I know many will read this & think: this is 101 of life, who doesn’t know it! But there are many insecure men – and not just those with below-average penises – who think many if not most women would reject a man because of his size.

The truth, as I’ve discovered through first-hand experience, is very different. Not even thoroughly enjoying the pleasures of a big cock is enough to turn some women into size queens, if my wife is an example.


One Comment

  1. Well this was a good read for many different reasons….it certainly touched upon many of the concerns many men might have. It also is interesting because it highlights a very bad trait that many have…namely: seeking ways to make use feel bad about ourselves. The writer starts off telling of what a wonderful sex life he and his wife share and he seemed to have no problem pleasuring her. But in his quest to obtain self-loathing information he ran a very real risk of destroying everything he and his wife shared.

    Despite her early reassurances of his prowess, he kept digging and digging, and he wasn’t going to stop until he finally felt extremely hurt, jealous and inadequate. Sadly his wife allowed his persistence to wear her down until she admitted the truth. And honestly what was the real truth? The real truth was she had been fucked by a man with a bigger cock and she enjoyed it! Well many women ENJOY being fucked regardless of the size of the cock. But of course since, in this case, the cock was big, her only reason for enjoying it must be because it was big. The size becomes the entire focus and of course the size is just something her husband can’t give her. So he can know enjoy wallowing in his self pity and his inadequacy and for the rest of his life he can be haunted by the thought of his wife orgasming on another man’s huge cock!

    I’m not faulting the writer per se….I’m wondering what is it about our human nature that makes us seek out ways to reduce our self worth?

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