Comment(s) of the Week: Detectives Em & Lo Are On the Case!

We recently received two very suspicious comments to the post “Your Call: Do Bigger Penises Lead to Different Orgasms for Women?” (which have since been taken down).

First, at 12:04am this morning, Thursday, May 14th, someone calling themselves “MSTT” wrote:

Exactly man. All women like big dicks. But they value other things more you know? emotional things, vibes, etc. All women love the feeling of being filled up by a bigger penis. 99%. But we want more than that. Peace out. Im nicole.

Then, immediately after, at 12:09am this morning, another comment was made by someone called “Linda”:

All i know is my last boyfriend had a really big penis and it felt nice, only thing i miss about him. And yes, bigger penises feel better. And ladies:when i say “bigger” you know i mean girth mainly. Write that down guys out there. Bigger is better. Yes.

Well, we put our deerhunters on, whipped out our magnifying glasses, and got to sleuthing!

  1. This post, while popular, is over a year old. What are the odds that two different people would comment on the same post in the middle of the night within minutes of each other?
  2. …basically making the exact same point and having the exact same horrendous punctuation?
  3. The first commenter, MSTT, initially sounds like a man talking about women, but then switches gears midway through the comment and becomes a woman, mysteriously and suddenly renamed “nicole.”
  4. These two comments are given different bylines, but they were generated . . . from the SAME EMAIL ADRESS! Dun dun dun! 
  5. But not only that: the email address contained the very male name of “Matt.” [audible gasp!]
  6. And here’s the most damning evidence that these comments were pure bullshit: their identical message was, well, bullshit. Sweeping generalizations made about an entire population meant to prey on insecurities, stir up anger, inflame gender wars, and basically make people miserable with silly lies. Dumb. Immature. Completely false.

The moral of this totally solved mystery? Don’t take the bait! And take any advice you find on the Internet (except ours, of course) with a grain of salt…and perhaps a margarita.