Comments of the Week: Learn to Dance, Men!

photo by tauress

We were expecting most of the advice for the “Your Call” post about a guy who doesn’t like it when his girlfriend dances with other guys to focus on jealousy and insecurity issues. But instead you surprised us with some awesome practical advice on taking dance lessons…

Why aren’t YOU dancing with her? — Meg, responding to “Your Call: I Hate it When My GF Dances with Other Guys”

I am hardcore into dancing, to the extent that I would ignore my bf completely if there were a better dancer who was willing and able for a night. It’s not about being interested in other guys or anything else. It’s about wanting to have fun on the dance floor. If you would take an active interest in dancing, and learn some cool moves (check out YouTube), she’d probably not want to dance with those other losers anyway. Seriously, most guys suck at dancing, and when someone knows how to lead and teaches you a thing or two, you really have no interest in playing with the amateurs anymore. Actually, you could go the extra mile and take a ballroom or swing dancing class with her. Then you’d definitely be her favorite choice when the two of you go out, and it would also get you used to being around other partners and watching her with others. — Hannah

When I go out dancing, I usually either dance with other girls or with guys that happen to be excellent dancers. If my boyfriend were to take a few dance lessons I’d be absolutely stoked (he currently, much as I love him, kind of lacks in the rhythm department =/) and I’d definitely be happy to be on the dance floor, getting all the attention but still with the guy I love. — Cadence

I’m going to gazing into my crystal ball and I see that you’re from North America, land of the rhythmless, no-dancing dude. The bad news, if I’m right, is that your culture screwed you. If you were raised a North American white boy*, you were probably raised with a bad attitude toward dancing (dance lessons!? GAY!). Fastforward a few years to postpubescence and suddenly dancing is sexy, but you’ve got no moves. And those “gay” kids who hung out with girls and liked to dance are getting all the babes. Turns out they were players from the start. The good news is you don’t have to be that good to surpass most other North American white boys on the dance floor. Take some dance lessons like the girls above suggested!

*Disclaimer: I’m not suggesting that any particular ethnicity is/isn’t rhythmically gifted. I’m saying that white North American culture tends to be prudish about dancing compared to, say, certain Latin cultures that encourage ALL kids, boys and girls, to dance from the time they can walk. — Johnny


  1. Scissor Sisters “I don’t feel like dancing” and “take your mama”

    “Let’s Get It Started” Black Eyed Peas

    “Made” Jamie Scott

    “Love and Sex and Magic” Ciara

    dare you to listen to those and NOT dance…

    I agree, the world would be a much better place if everyone danced and had sex daily.

  2. Oh, and the Tarantella. I do the Tarantella. (Of course.) At our wedding the DJ didn’t see my Mediterranean last name (Che ‘fa?) and forgot to stock the Tarantella, so we had to make due with Hava Nagila.

  3. Johnny, as usually I agree with you. I don’t really like to dance. (Unless I am alone in my living room, which is a rarity.) But, I also order a steak (rare) and potato in a resturant on dates, never a salad. 😉

    My Man LOVES to dance, but yeah, he dances like a big dorky, oversized White Guy. No moves.(Which kills the myth that people are good as sex also can dance really well, I guess.)

    I usually feign foot fatigue at weddings and Give Him (yes, I am “Giving Him” one using dance as a Commodity, such a little ho) one slow dance and then let him dance with the pretty ladies he’s been flirting with. Just so I don’t have to get on that floor more than for one slow dance and maybe “I Saw Her Standing There.”

  4. @Guy:
    “This in contrast to your stated love for your BFs.”

    I’m not sure it’s in contrast to stated love. I think it’s no different than acknowledging that another person is attractive, albeit a much smaller level. Recognizing such a thing isn’t in contrast to my commitment. In fact, it has nothing to do with my commitment. And I think therein lies the problem.

    I think we often take the individuality of the other person in our relationship as a threat to ourselves so instead of working through it with them, we try to control it(the other person) by throwing chains and setting up walls and rules. This never really works and generally is the reason why most fights occur in relationships, one person having an expectation on another person that isn’t being met.

    Haha…in fact, when I go out dancing and end up dancing with another girl, I ask if she has a boyfriend and try to get him to come out and dance with us. When he realizes that I’m not a threat to their relationship or anything we can all let lose and just boogy down. It’s always more fun dancing with a small group anyway.

    I think it’s hard for guys to get out there and dance because they feel like they have to be “good” at it, like know certain moves and stuff. But really, when you try and do “moves” on the dance floor, you generally look like a dick. But if you go out there and just let your body acknowledge the music and look like your having a blast doing it, then it’s contagious and people want to be apart of whatever you got goin on!

    I bet if more people danced people wouldn’t be so damned uptight.


  5. I absolutely love dancing and when i’m out i want to dance as much as possible. It is a major part of having a good time. Usually I just dance with my girlfriends as most guys are not that into it but when there is a guy who can really bust some moves it is nice to have the opportunity to dance with him. I do have a boyfriend who has a typical male view of dancing in that it’s a bit gay but he knows i like it and gives it a go even if he is a bit embarrassed and useless at it. When he dances with me no other guy in the world comes to my attention because i know he is really making an effort. If more guys did that and more women appreciated it instead of laughing there wouldn’t be this kind of issue.

  6. To Hannah, please stop trying to delude yourself and others when you claim that it is not about seduction or wanting to be with someone else when you are on the dance floor. That you just enjoy it. Danceing is one of mankind’s oldest mateing rituals. No matter if you mean it as such or not, it still is.Deep down, on a primal level, like it or not, we still respond to the movement and sound, Face it, you’re not out there doing a slow waltz. On the contrary, you’re shaking your breasts and backside in a very intense manner. Both you and Cadence bear this out with your stated willingness to leave/ignore your BFs if you find some other male who’s a better dancer. This in contrast to your stated love for your BFs. Yet you wonder why the supposed;y loved BFs react in a negative manner. If you ladies were truly interested in getting your BFs to dance or dance better, TEACH them! You’ve got a nearly blank slate. It is often easier for guys to be taught something they may find as potentialy embarrasing as dancing, by someone who cares for them and is willing to take the TIME. Johnny has valid points about us northern white boys. Even today, many if not most of us,(NWMs), are disccouraged,in one way or another, from dancing especially those of us of larger stature/size.We’re most often portrayed as embarrasingly clumsy and oafish. Also most of us are of some sort of Northern European ancestry, where dance has become lessa part of our cultures over the centuries. So ladies if you really want your BF to dance with you, take the time to TEACH him. Just be patient with him. –Guy–.

Comments are closed.