Confession: 7 Reasons Why I Hate Shower Sex

shower_head_waterphoto by stevendepolo

A contributor friend of ours, who wished to remain anonymous, has a confession to make:

I’m all for showering independently, quickly toweling off, and jumping back into bed for sex — that’s a good start to any morning. But if you want me to actually join you in the shower, you should know that I’ll be bringing my elbow and knee pads:

1. Under the unforgiving bathroom lights (bright! bright! bright!), it’s hard not to notice your partner’s bodily flaws (i.e. “Oh, you have more of a beer belly than I thought…”).

2. Which means, of course, that he’s probably noticing my flaws, too. I imagine him looking at me and thinking, “Wow, she does wear a push-up bra. Those don’t even look like the same boobs to me.” Not that he hasn’t seen them before, but sheets and dim lighting have their advantages.

3. It gets awfully slippery (and not in a good way). It just can’t be a good idea to lift up a leg and wrap it around your partner when there’s all that soap and shampoo hanging around. Throw in a horrible sense of balance and a hard tub floor and all I can picture is an embarrassing trip to the E.R.

4. With all that water running, the places you do want to stay slippery don’t.

5. It’s just too crowded. Most showers aren’t built for two, which results in awkward fumbling and the occasional minor concussion when you both bend over to pick up the soap at the same time.

6. How am I supposed to deep-condition my hair and wash my face if he’s hanging around afterwards? It’s even worse when he tries to shampoo my hair — come on, he’s supposed to be the boyfriend, not the stylist. And I really don’t want a guy to see me use my clay exfoliating mask.

7. My showers aren’t always lingering, self-indulgent affairs, of course — but when they’re not, it’s usually because I’m running late for work, which means I definitely don’t have time for shower sex.

Agree? Disagree? Discuss.


  1. I love showering with my man… (and I really love when he shampoos my hair… It just feels good. Scalp massages are like… my favorite). Anyways, I love showering with him, and sometimes even a little mess around in the shower time… But actually having intercourse in the shower is not even physically possible for us. See, I’m REALLY short and he’s rather tall… We half a 19 inch height difference. This doesn’t make a difference when we are horizontal, but it is kind of a problem standing up when we don’t have a stool or something. Also, we have the tiniest possible shower. It’s all of 16 square inches… So our shared showers are always rather um, intimate. But not necessarily sexy.

  2. Shower sex sounds awesome, but yes you’re right, there are major limitations, but really, some of the disadvantages seem like the person sounds too practical. I mean of course there’s not tons of space, but the average shower can accomodate two people hugging together or standing close together, this probably depends on how talk and big the two people are. Since I’m very petite, I don’t see such an issue with the shower, and the one currently installed has an overhead large head, and is about a 1m by 1m inside, too bad I have no hubby to shower sex with though…

  3. I used to love shower sex, mainly for the imagery, but once my husband broke my front tooth by denting the the shower wall with it, I shudder at the thought of shower sex, and so does he.
    I think showering together,though, when one isn’t in a hurry, is great for a relationship. It’s a very intimate time together and can add to the comfort level of the relationship. I always wash my husband’s hair and face, and that he prefers for me to do it makes me feel special. Although, I can agree with some of the comments above; there’s just not enough room in shower for two when someone is shaving–Period.

  4. Oh yeah. Chelsea, you bring up a very good point about “the lights being unforgiving” in most bathrooms. It’s especially unhandy if one isn’t feeling particularly pretty. However, the ready availability of so many proven oscular irritants kind of evens things out in my (admittedly limited) experience. A properly directed handful of soap is every bit as effective as Vaseline on the lens. But easier to clean, natch.

  5. I haven’t really had the opportunity to engage since circa September 16, 1995, so my memory might be a little hazy. That said, I recall being quite a fan of shower sex. It’s a great way to get clean and be dirty simultaneously. However, I have to agree with the general sentiment here that shower intercourse is one of those things that films better than it feels. Not to mention the enhanced risk factor (like enough people don’t slip and fall in bathtubs all by themselves).

  6. I agree! I love showering with my boyfriend (when I am not in a hurry) but shower sex is not easy. And I get cold when I am not under the faucet, also uncomfortable. But the lights being unforgiving would only be a problem in a new relationship. When you are with someone you love and someone you really KNOW…being in the shower completely nude, soaking wet, with no clothes or make-up to hide behind, it really shows exactly HOW comfortable you are with your partner. I enjoy it

  7. Shower foreplay…i’m all for it. shower sex…eeehhh….I’ll pass. I had an apartment with two showerheads and that made life better. But once the foreplay is done, gotta go somewhere to finish and something is left sopping wet…like my bed.

  8. I have no problem showering with my man, but I don’t like shower sex. The angle is always awkward and water is NOT a good lubricant. I don’t mind a little foreplay in the shower before we head to the bed, though.

  9. Don’t forget the squelching sounds that ensue from the water when you’re actually doing the deed!

  10. Awesome I am not alone! My biggest thing – Not only is it crowded, but how may of us have shower heads that cast enough water for two people? One person is always not under the water & thus cold and dmap. Wtf? How is that sexy?

  11. And let’s not forget, there isn’t an endless supply of hot water, at least not in my apartment! The deed may get done, but the hot water always runs out before you can actually finish showering!

  12. I agree. My Man and I take a bath together in morning or night at least 3 to 5 times a week, and he might get a BJ in the tub, but I DO NOT like to have either bathtub or shower intercourse. We have a 6 foot large Jacuzzi tub, so we both fit (he’s a big dude, so just barely) but I agree with all your other points. Also, I like to shave in the bath, and he says, “Ew, your little hairies are going to get all over me.” They don’t bother him any other time. 😉

    I’m all for some play in the tub and then adjourning to the bed for the duration.

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