Dear Dr. Vanessa, My Boyfriend Cries “Cheater!” on the Days I Feel “Looser”

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Every few weeks, Dr. Vanessa Cullins, a board-certified obstetrician/gynecologist and vice president for medical affairs at Planned Parenthood® Federation of America, will be answering your questions on EMandLO.com. To ask her your own question, click here.

Dear Dr. Vanessa,

My boyfriend gets upset that sometimes my vagina is looser than other times. He thinks I’m cheating, but I’m not. What’s going on?

— Lucy Goosey

Dear LG,

Here are five possibilities:

1. Women’s vaginas are less elastic when they are not sexually aroused. They become more elastic — “looser” — the more sexually excited they become. A woman may feel “tighter” to a man when she is less aroused, less comfortable, and having less pleasure than her partner.

2. Hormonal shifts during a woman’s menstrual cycle affect vaginal secretions and may affect vaginal elasticity. She may feel “looser” on certain days of her cycle than on others.

3. Certain drugs, such as antihistamines or marijuana, may make the walls of the vagina feel dry so they seem “tighter.”

4. A woman’s vagina may feel tighter or looser in different positions for intercourse.

5. Some men tend to be anxious about their sexual performance. Some have an exaggerated sense of jealousy. It’s always best to discuss such problems with a partner or with a professional. But some men may put the blame on their partners because they are unable to recognize their own insecurities.

I hope this information is helpful. In the meantime, Best wishes for good sexual health,

Planned Parenthood

Vanessa Cullins, MD, MPH, MBA, is a board-certified obstetrician/gynecologist and vice president for medical affairs at Planned Parenthood® Federation of America. She generously shares her medical wisdom with EM & LO readers every few weeks.


  1. The first time – after I stopped grabbing my sides with laughter, I’d explain gently that that’s not how things work, and let him know what will happen if he ever accuses you of cheating for ridiculous reasons again. If it happened twice he is too stupid to keep (but that’s your call) and he wasn’t paying attention to what you said would happen, then i’d make it happen.

  2. Wow what a douche bag! My ex would say something similar, yet another reason he’s an ex I guess 😀

    Loved your comment Mike! 😀

  3. One caveat regarding #5. Insecurity and jealousy can show up in all kinds of relationships. Claiming vaginal “looseness” as “evidence” of cheating is obviously pretty specific to insecure or jealous straight boyfriends, but almost everyone who goes looking for “evidence” of some sort is going to find it… even if they’re just making it up. 🙁


  4. Also, hello? Never mind the total cluelessness about anatomy, physiology, and the variability human sexual response. That’s just ignorance and so it’s not only curable it’s even forgivable.

    But why are you still with someone who perpetually accuses you of cheating?!?! That’s not about ignorance and so it’s not forgivable!


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