Dear Em & Lo: What to Do About a Jelquing Injury

Dear Em & Lo,

A friend of mine has injured his manhood due to Jelqing. Urologists don’t know anything about Jelqing. Where could my friend turn to someone who might know what to do once a Jelqing injury has happened?

— A Friend Indeed

Dear Friend,

It’s so kind of you to write on behalf of your “friend.” And what close friends you must be, that he is willing to share the damage he did to his manhood while trying to enlarge it! If only everyone had a friend like this.

Anyway, back to your “friend.” (Oh, what the hell, maybe you’re telling the truth, and maybe you have truly never tried Jelquing yourself, and maybe it’s not that you’re too embarrassed to tell two sex advice writers, even via an anonymous online contact form, that you hurt yourself by attempting to enlarge your penis.)

The very simple answer is, your “friend” (sorry, your friend) needs to get to a urologist, and stat. Sure, not every urologist may have heard of Jelquing, but they are all pretty familiar with the penis. That’s their job, after all. Would you say that a urologist was unqualified to help if your friend had injured his penis during a raucous game of Twister… and the urologist had never played, or even heard of, the board game Twister? Urologists deal in penises, both the healthy ones and the injured ones, and they’re the best qualified to help your friend.

As for you: The best thing you can do to help your friend (besides writing to advice columnists when he is too distraught over his injured penis to take hand to keyboard) is to remind him that Jelquing is not safe. (Then again, after that, he probably doesn’t need reminding.) In fact, as we have said here before many times, the entire field of penis enlargement is one big ball of don’t.

Jelquing has gained widespread interest thanks to the internet — and, in particular, thanks to spammers! (Which should tell you everything you need to know.) In case you need help decoding the signs, the short story is: It doesn’t work. More importantly, it could do some serious damage to a man’s number one guy. Here’s a good rule of thumb: If someone tells you something will increase penis size, they’re lying. Let’s say that one more time, shall we? If someone tells you something will increase penis size, they’re lying. We hope your friend recovers soon and isn’t forced to learn this lesson in a way that causes permanent damage. The sooner he calls a urologist, the better.

Hang in there, as the bros say,

Em & Lo