Do It Tonight! Practice Reciprocity

back_massagephoto by zaphodsotherhead

If we all followed the golden rule of reciprocity in bed, we think there’d be more sex, more orgasms, less bickering, fewer sex advice columnists (we’d be out of a job!), and possibly even world peace. Remember, if your partner tickles your back, it’s not just because they’re being nice — they want you to tickle their back, too. And anything tactile, whether it’s a back massage or a nipple tweak or oral sex, feels better when you don’t have to ask for it.


  1. Great point, Em! Also, wow, great photo.

    You know what’s *really* nice about reciprocity? It’s not the “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you” that makes it cool. It’s the “doing unto others, period” that’s cool. Because, seriously, scratching or massaging someone else’s back is fun. Tweaking someone’s nipple back is fun. Oral sex? Can I just make the only-seemingly-paradoxical proposal that while it’s not as *orgasmic* to eat someone it’s just as much *fun?*

    The one caveat? “Reciprocity” isn’t the same as “payback.” If you’re eating your partner, say, only because they won’t eat you if you don’t? Then yeah, resentment’s kind of a buzzkill… but it’s a buzzkill both ways. I’d also point out that reciprocity also isn’t “I’m rubber and you’re glue.” It might be that one of you rocks out over receiving oral and the other only gets of when she or he is on top. If so then great — reciprocity can work that way too.


  2. I love it when my boyfriend wakes me up in the morning by kissing my shoulder blades while we’re cuddling. I can’t really explain why I like it so much, but I guess I just find it to be a very intimate and reassuring feeling. Because of this, I always make it a point to kiss his shoulder blades when I’m the big spoon.

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