Dream Interpretation: My Loving Boyfriend Beats Me Up

photo by the half-blood prince

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I’m in a fulfilling and happy long-distance relationship of several years. We see each other every weekend and talk everyday, but I rely on dreams and thoughts to stave off the withdrawal. However, I’ve had recurring dreams themed around my loving boyfriend abusing or hurting me in some way. In real life he’s beautiful and masculine. In my dreams he’s scary, intimidating, and either taking sexual advantage of me or mentally abusing me in some way. What could these mean? Am I subconsciously afraid of him? I have no reason to be. Every time I dream of him, it’s like this. He’s had tons of happy dreams of us making love, etc., whereas I have to wait until we see each other. I’m jealous!

Lauri: Have you been in an abusive relationship prior to your current one? If so, your dream shows that the distrust that was born in that previous relationship is alive and well and needs to be dealt with so your current relationship can continue and flourish. But if that is not the case then it is important to know that when someone we are close to in real life acts completely out of character in a dream, it is a good indication they are not playing themselves but are, instead, representing some part of our self.

In your case, it’s your boyfriend who is acting out of character, which means your dream is very likely showing you how you are treating yourself, possibly in regards to him. Do you mentally kick yourself for saying something to him you felt was stupid, for example? Or perhaps just in general you are too hard on yourself. Have you been beating yourself up lately? Are you too critical of yourself?

In other words, treat yourself as kind and as loving as your boyfriend treats you in real life. Your dream is showing you that you treating yourself badly is as absurd as your kind, loving boyfriend treating you this way. Someone as amazing as your boyfriend loves you, so you should love yourself too! When you ease up on yourself, these dreams will stop.

Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! And don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s Instant Dream Decoding Dictionary on her site.


  1. I just had the worst dream I think I could ever had and I’m wondering what does it mean. I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 1 year and 3 months. Right now things are a bit rocky, not everything is the same, he’s been doing a lot of things to disrespect me with women and it has caused us to argue.
    My dream was about my spouse getting custody of our child, in the dream I seemed very devastated and trying to explain to the judge why he’s not capable of taking care of her alone and saying things that not everyone knows about him. He was saying things like I’m taking her and being kinda funny about it Then all of a sudden a comoletly different scene came up and he was being very nice, he said let’s jump rope & I said no than he got really upset and said ” we are going to jump rope!” He came out as really controlling and kind of abusing. I recall myself saying in the dream ” this relationship is very toxic”

  2. Ive been having reoccurring dreams that my boyfriend beats me up. I don’t know why im having these dreams? In real life hes most of the time a nice guy but he can be a bit horrid at times.I’d like to know why im having these dreams that he’s beating me up. I’ve never been in q violent relationship before

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