Dream Interpretation: Why Am I Obsessed with My Ex?

photo by hyperscholar

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two months. We’re very happy, he’s my best friend, and I’m head over heels in love with him. However, I’ve been having regular dreams about my ex-boyfriend. I was with him for 18 months, and we ended messily after I confessed I’d cheated. I later found out he’d cheated on me as well. In the dreams, we’re either together again and happy, or I’m trying to get him to come back to me, or I’m out for revenge. Why do I still dream about him when I’m happy with my current boyfriend?

Lauri: You may indeed be happy with your current boyfriend but odds are… you are not happy with yourself and the way things went down with the ex. You see, the majority of our dreams are caused by unresolved issues and your feelings and thoughts regarding your past relationship are clearly unresolved. Your variety of dreams involving him show us the inner conflict of emotions you still have about the whole thing.

The dreams where you are together and happy are connected to your feelings of wanting to be at peace with the relationship and wanting to remember the good times from it. The dreams where you are trying to get him back are connected to the guilt you have for doing him wrong. And, of course, the dreams where you try to get revenge are connected to your anger that he went and did you wrong too! Whew. I’m emotionally depleted from going over all that! As long as you continue to have conflicting emotions you will continue to have these dreams.

Since you can’t undo it, you may as well learn from it so that your current relationship doesn’t wind up an angry, guilt-riddled mess as well. Simply taking on the mindset of “lesson learned” and “wiser for the wear” is all it takes to make the dreams stop.

Dreamer’s Response: I’d say you’re spot on with your analysis! I feel bad about the way it all ended and wish I could undo it all. It’s good to know that I can, and should, just move on. Thank you!

Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! And don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s free Dream Dictionary on her site.


  1. What do you do if your dream is reversed? I have a recurring dream (though I don’t know how often I dream it) where my ex watches me run past him and becomes obsessed with me and this one guy who is close to me. I spend most of the dream running away from him and making sure that my guy-friend (most times it’s someone I have a connection with and am in love with) does not cross paths with my ex as my ex wants to kill him. At the same time, I don’t tell my guy-friend and although my friends know, they don’t interfere and just warn me that he’s on some psychotic warpath to force me back.

  2. You know, that makes a lot of sense. I’ve had a few dreams of my ex. Though I don’t love him at all anymore, I’m furious at how we ended. I try to let it go, but just knowing that I let him get away with things he should have been arrested for just makes me sick

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