How to Pull Off a Cheesy Pickup Line

photo by rick

As a general rule, the only pickup line we officially endorse is “Hi, my name is [your name here].” You can then embellish this intro with a situation-specific line such as “Can I buy you a drink?” or “Would you like to dance?” or “Please, go ahead of me, I actually enjoy waiting in line at the DMV.”

That said, we do realize that sometimes just walking up to someone and introducing yourself feels so humdrum. Okay, so if you’re like most of us, then introducing yourself to a complete stranger who has caught your eye is a heart-pounding, nerve-wracking, blush-inducing experience. But if you’re an advanced player (not playa) on the pickup scene, then you might be tempted to try out a tongue-in-check pickup line.

First, we should acknowledge that this approach to seduction has proven successful far more often in the movies than in real life. But the right guy or gal, in the right situation, with the right mischievous twinkle in their eye, in the right light, during the right moon phase, can sometimes execute a hackneyed pick-up line in jest…except, of course, we all know the truth is always spoken in jest.

For example, you might walk by a hottie and announce, “Was your father a thief? Because he must have stolen the stars to put in your eyes” — as long as it’s apparent to all parties within earshot that the intent is ironic (and the speaker is not wearing a heavy gold chain or hardhat at the time). Women especially may get lucky using these lines, purely because of the novelty factor.

Alternatively, you might attempt to pick up a frequently hit-on target (such as a bartender) with lines such as “You must get hit on all the time” or “May I hit on you?” This unexpected approach to the whole seduction scene may just tickle their fancy. Or you may get ignored by the bartender for the rest of the night, no matter how much you tip. Consider yourself warned.

Your best bet is to go with a conversation starter, something that might strike a friendly debate (not political), for example, “My friend and I were debating over flossing: do you do it before or after you brush?” It may not be sexy, but everyone likes to be asked their opinion.

This column also appeared in print in Metro