If You Want to Make Sex Equal, Stop Viewing Penetration as Submissive

Reader Lily had a lot to say this week in response to our (oldie but goodie) post “Confession: I Want to Do My Boyfriend with a Strap-On.” We’ve gathered her various comments into one post here for your edification. Preach it, Lily! And we would just add that misperception doesn’t make something so; if we can change the bad attitudes, we can change the world!

So you view the act of typical heterosexual sex as an act of male dominance because there’s penetration? Then is it any surprise men view women as more submissive or that porn is a cesspool of unrealistically sized dicks “destroying” throats? It’s all ego related to size, and what size can do.

No wonder adopting something associated with female sexuality is seen as emasculating: it’s viewed as submissive, receptive, an ego boost for the man, a bit of a downgrade for her. This is why language like “they’re getting ass-fucked!” might be heard at a sports bar, exclaimed by a fan watching his team lose. It’s equated with submission, but pitching isn’t, sexual attitudes bleeding into colloquial speech, and alas, no wonder men don’t want to be feminine. It’s a raw deal to know your body and the penetration of your body is pretty much fated to be perceived as inferior, an act that props up the man’s ego, an act that’s inculcated lexicon to mean “destroyed” or dominated.

If female sexuality is usually submissive, women may never be fully seen as “equals,” as there are likely psychological effects to associating a body with submission. Men look more powerful, have a more active sexual role that’s perceived as dominating – ruling, controlling – while the woman receives, looks at his mercy when penetrated. We don’t win here.

Want to take a stand in your own relationship?
8 Steps to Convincing Your Straight Boyfriend to Let You Peg Him