ACT II. SCENE II. Capulet’s orchard: Juliet: R, where u @? [No response.] Juliet: helloooo???? [No response. Juliet starts a new text.] Juliet: yo, i think i’m in <3 but our rents h8 each other Romeo: o rly? Juliet: omg! meant that for my bff, lolz. nvm! Romeo: QFT Juliet: ??? Romeo: i feel the […]
College Humor’s original short this week “HBO Should Show Dongs” (below) was made for us: it’s got puns (“We’ve got a boner to pick”), it’s dominated by funny women (usually you get only one token funny chick in bits like this), and it’s all about equal opportunity objectification! The very nature of HBO practically requires […]
The following email recently arrived in our inbox. We’re particularly fond of the line “there is not sweet taste for / Sex meeting.” Pure poetry. You’re welcome! HURT OF CONDOM WHICH — USED AS CONTRACEPTIVE TO PREVENT PREGNANCY IN WOMEN _______________________ When the man using CONDOMS As contraceptive the woman Become mad and crazy… this duo to […]
Ouch. We find Des to be a bit of a matzah bachelorette (flat and bland), but even we felt really, really bad for her last night. Getting dumped is hard, but it’s at least twenty-five times harder when it’s televised nationally. And what are the odds: you’ve got 25 potential suitors and you fall for […]
It’s hard to come up with five decent love lessons each week when the show isn’t that exciting this season. The bloopers reel wasn’t even that good! (And such small portions, too!) A sure a signifier of just how ho-hum this cast was. So don’t expect much enlightenment from “The Men Tell All.” Fingers crossed […]
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask) by David R. Reuben, M.D., is the most popular book on human sexuality of all time — but until now, we’d only ever read the thirtieth anniversary edition, which was released in 1999. And then yesterday, a friend presented us with a […]
photo via ABC.com Dating don’ts: Showing up shirtless. Showing up in an animal mascot suit. Showing up in earnest. Don’t ever, EVER, let your Dad touch your date more than you’ve touched your date. Similarly: If you ever want to have sex again, do NOT, under any circumstances, get a nasal adjustment on national television. […]
We recently got a nice thank you note from the winner of our GÄSM contest: Today I got the gift in the post (at last), it actually was delayed in customs here but it arrived, cannot believe it, so so happy and cannot wait to try out. Amazing guys, thank you very much, never won anything […]
photo via ABC.com If someone asks you (Catherine) about the love of your life (Sean) and you respond “We’re best friends”…? Hello, red flag?! When you (Michael) are trying to make someone (Des) fall in love with you, don’t talk about all the negatives in your life: exes, health problems, daddy issues, freakin’ tombstones, etc. […]
photo via ABC.com There are no imperfect places to fall in love in the entire resort world. None. Yes, yes, do take your date by the hand in the middle of some boring event, run out into a nearby secluded corridor, press them up against the wall and kiss them passionately, please, yes, do that. […]
photo via ABC.com If you (Bryden) are going to dump someone (Des), do NOT take great pains to do it publicly at an inconvenient time for the dumpee. Flying across an ocean to tell someone who you’re not even really dating that you don’t like them is a little “look at me! look at me!” […]
1. Never steal a kiss. “I have a secret to tell you”? It’s like a sucker punch: cheap and ignoble. If you have to fake someone out to get them to kiss you, then you shouldn’t be kissing them in the first place. 2. The pain killers you get at the E.R. are just as […]
Take a tip from a 12 Step Program: no trauma bonding! Admitting to your absentee father / drug-addict mother / type 1 diabetes / poverty status / lactose intolerance is not first-date A material. That said, if you’re forced to wear an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny flesh-colored bikini bottom and shake your junk in front of the […]
photo via ABC.com 1. Vocal fry is so not hot. 2. If you have a sense of humor, please use it when you’re one on one with the person you’re trying to charm. (We’re talking to you, Mr. ER doctor with the glasses and the droopy eyes). And while we’re at it, if you have […]
photo via Flickr It’s not often that a comment makes us laugh out loud, but this one did. There’s just something about a hater that can brighten the day. The best thing about it: we’d understand if this were in response to one of our more political, opinionated posts on, say, gender inequities or abortion […]
1. A little dab’ll do ya. They were talking about Brylcreem, but every time we hear this we remember it’s time to stock up on lube. 2. Let your fingers do the walking. We think we’ve probably co-opted this Yellow Pages slogan pretty much every time we’ve written about the importance of a little […]
