The Obvious Player vs. the Faux-Sensitive Guy

photo via flickr

Sexuality educator Charlie Glickman, who runs the education programs at Good Vibrations (in other words, he’s got serious Sensitive Guy chops), recently published an article on his blog called “Confessions of a Former Sensitive New Age Guy.” He consciously chose to become a S.N.A.G. back in college, and his motives were initially quite pure: he was a waif of a guy who couldn’t figure out how to be a manly dude and so he went for the opposite extreme. Also, after a female friend of his made him follow ten feet behind her while she walked down a sidewalk (to witness the catcalling, etc.), he “decided that if men were causing so much pain to so many people, the ethical response would be for me to become the opposite of that.” But a funny thing happened once he became a fully-fledged S.N.A.G.: he started getting laid more. A lot more. And once that happened, he began to lose sight of why he was being such a decent dude in the first place.

Glickman’s essay is, in part, a response to this Open Letter to New Age Dudes, which rails against man who act all sensitive and feminist — who even try to out-feminist their female counterparts — in order to get laid. Glickman defends himself — and, to some extend, his fellow S.N.A.G.’s — by explaining that even the most genuine Sensitive Guy in the world can lose his way when he realizes how his approach slays the ladies. And Glickman notes that it’s easy to fall into this trap because it’s so easy to be a S.N.A.G.: “All it takes is acting with a little kindness and willingness to listen to a woman to stand out from the rest of the pack. Actually, all a man needs to do is not be emotionally, physically, sexually, or verbally abusive and he’s already ahead of the curve. How sad is that?”

Because we’re in a glass-half-full mood today, we’re actually kind of cheered by this online debate (and yes, we realize that the debate has been going on, in one form or another, for decades). Sure, it sucks that guys pretend to be into equality just to get into a woman’s pants. But we love the fact that this works. Let us explain…

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  1. Yeah I gotta agree with Johnny on this one, women might find the SNAG thing interesting for a while, but at the end of the day an honest man and not someone trying to be something they are not is what they want.

  2. Maybe I’m just projecting because I’m this way, but I see everything every man does as ultimately leading toward the goal of sex. If I truly can’t see that motivation behind a man’s actions, I wonder what’s wrong with him.

    This is why I’ve always rolled my eyes at SNAGs. Of all the get-laid ploys out there, that one has to be the lamest. It’s not even very effective (at least not compared to the straight-up player). And it’s short-lived: women hate SNAGs. Once they get over the novelty of a guy who’s “different” from the rest, all she’s left with is a wuss. For all the “I’m-so-feminist, fuck-traditional-gender-roles” talk out there, women are absolutely contemptuous of emasculated men.

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