The Secret Sex Life of Tennis

Okay, so maybe it’s not the first sport you think of when you think of sex appeal. But look a little closer and you’d be surprised to see how much sex there is in tennis. (Though will someone please tell Nadal that biting trophies doesn’t make anyone think of sex, and actually just makes us all a little bit uncomfortable.)

  • Roger Federer’s Cardigan: The world champion basically gave the cardigan its sex appeal back — which had been missing ever since Mr. Rogers first donned a cardigan. We happen to think this is a good thing.
  • Mixed Doubles: Hello, best euphemism ever for swinging! Also, we can’t think of a better way to segue into a little casual spouse-swapping with the neighbors. It’s sweaty foreplay.
  • The Grunters: If you close your eyes during a match amongst players like  Serena and Venus Williams, Maria Sharapova, or Rafael Nadal, you could swear you were watching a porno. We’re pretty sure that at least one person out there on the Internet gets off on doing this.
  • The Housewife’s Tennis Coach: The tan young tennis coach clad in all-white is eternally appealing to rich housewives the world over, if you believe the hundreds of novels, movies, and TV shows that have used this cliche as a plot device.
  • Love Means Nothing: In a game where “love” literally means nothing… then sex has to mean everything, right?
  • Justin Timberlake’s Booty Call Metaphor: “[Sex is] a physical act, like playing tennis” Justin Timberlake said in FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS (2011). “Two people should be able to have sex like they’re playing tennis.” Mila Kunis responds, “Yeah! I mean, no one wants to go away for the weekend after they play tennis.” Justin: “It’s just a game. You shake hands, you get on with your shit.” From this point on in the movie, “Wanna play tennis?” is their code for a booty call.
  • Ball Boys and Ball Girls: It just sounds dirty, okay? And that’s as far as we’re willing to go, given that most of them are underage.
  • Boris Becker in the Broom Closet: Who could forget how the German champion impregnated a waitress during a quickie in a broom closet in a London restaurant? (Though we’d like to forget that this happened while his pregnant wife was in the hospital with early contractions.)

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