The Whisper App Will Make You Despair for Humanity

photo via flickr

All the buzz right now about anonymous secret-sharing apps like Whisper, Secret, and Yik Yak makes us feel really old — after all, PostSecret has been doing this for almost a decade already. The main difference, of course, is that PostSecret requires you to put some thought into your secret: You mail a homemade postcard to the website, and they publish a selection of their favorites.  Apps like Whisper open up the secret sharing to anyone with a smart phone and two working thumbs. (PostSecret launched an app a few years back, but they pulled it after only three months because there was too much abusive content.)

The other difference is more subtle: While the curation at PostSecret makes us feel like the Internet is a Good Thing and that anonymous secret-sharing can make the world a better place, the diarrhea-style secret-sharing on the apps just depresses the shit out of us. It makes us think that the whole world cheats or lies or is hampered by loneliness or regret. We’d like to think that it’s just the people who use these apps who are cheaters and liars and regretful and lonely, but the more people who sign onto the apps, the less reassuring this becomes. Here are the ten most depressing Whisper secrets we found today (just today!):

  1. I know cheating is wrong, but it saved my marriage. It made me realize how amazing my wife truly is.
  2. I don’t intend on marrying my gf. She’s nice, great in bed, and less hassle than finding someone new. I haven’t told her and don’t plan on it. Been together almost 4 years. Is that wrong?
  3. Whenever I am angry with my husband for not working out, I give him more food to make him feel fat the next day.
  4. I like having conversations with random women on the Internet, because it makes me feel like I’m rebelling against my wife’s controlling nature.
  5. Sometimes I wonder if I got married to him because it’s comfortable not because we are meant to be.
  6. My boyfriend of 4 years told me he didn’t want to get married until he has a lot of nice clothes and shoes. Clothes and shoes? He’s 27, with dreams of a 13 year old boy. I’m so embarrassed and ashamed. Maybe it’s me.
  7. I wish they didn’t feel like they were dating my wheelchair too.
  8. I set up a private P.O. Box so I can order sex toy and porn without my wife knowing.
  9. Hookup culture in the university is making me feel lonelier than ever.
  10. I think I love my dogs more than anyone else.