photo via flickr

A recent study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology looked at why men are more attracted to women who wear red — because, according to earlier studies (not to mention the lyrics of one Chris DeBurgh), men sit closer to ladies in red and ask them more intimate questions. Well, it turns out that — stop the presses! — men see these women as more sexually receptive. And according to the study, this sexually receptiveness makes them more attractive to men. Welcome to the 1950s, folks! We hope you packed your red scarf and lipstick and your copy of Sex and the Single Girl. For women who’d rather not send the message that they’re universally, generically up for it, here are a few other color-coded suggestions we think everyone  — women and men — should adopt. If we start now, it should take just a few thousand years of social conditioning for the trends to kick in:

1. Purple means they want to drip hot wax on their lover’s back while reciting their own free verse poetry.
2. The person in orange likes three-ways.
3. They’re wearing brown? They’d rather cut Newt Gingrich’s toe nails than go home with anyone in this bar.
4. A splash of green means someone just needs help completing their tax return.
5. Yellow accessories — they like to do it to boy-band music.
6. Someone in blue wants all dirty talk, all the time.
7. A piece of pink flair means they just want to spoon on the couch while watching reality TV.
8. A beige outfit implies a strong interest in pet-themed role-playing.
9. All in white? Better bring your yoga mat and a copy of the Kama Sutra.
10. Black means it’s not a party until everyone ejaculates.

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