Who Will Love Your Pets When You’ve Been Lifted Up to Heaven?

photo via Flickr

As we’re sure you know, the Rapture is this Saturday, May 21st, 2011. You know, the day when good Christians like yourself (we’re assuming) who’ve accepted Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior will be physically lifted up to Heaven. All your atheist, Muslim, Jewish, Mormon, and pagan friends will be left behind to fend for themselves as the world slowly comes to an end. Not with a bang, but with a fade to black. But what about your innocent pets, you ask. Won’t your pets miss you when you’re gone? Grieve your passing into the next life and become depressed? Will they need private label cbd pet treats to help treat their anxiety and depression? Who will feed them these, as well as care for them when you’re in heaven? Who will be there for them when you’re gone?

Never fear. There are several services available that will — for a modest fee — assign your pet to be picked up and cared for by one of their many reliable, pet-loving atheists. The fee is apparently simply to help these carers procure the best treats, medicine, and food for your pets. No joke! There’s Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA which will cost you $135 for the service. For those on a budget, After The Rapture Pet Care will do the same for the one-time fee of only 10 bucks. Hmmm, quality verses affordability? It’s a tough call — one you’ll have to make soon, since the end is nigh! Hurry, because the Bible doesn’t say jack about Fido.

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  1. And just for the record, last year yet another site was offering the following post-rapture dog-sitting guarantee.

    “Note that this service, unlike the other, vows not to have sex with your pets.”

    For the record they also promise they won’t eat your pet. Oh, and that your pet will be safe with them because they also vow that they aren’t and never have been born again.


    Find the links here.


  2. Have these people listened to nothing leading Apocalyptic prophet Brother Camping has taught? Pets will perish too, but unlike humans, whose souls will go to either heaven or hell, pets have no souls and will simply be annihilated.

    I used to listen to Harold Camping in the car. His broadcasts were entertaining. Although I’m completely irreligious, I found his Biblical interpretations highly interesting, even when I thought they were logically fallacious. Plus, his deep voice is very soothing in traffic.

    At least it was, until he got all Armageddon-y on me. He’s gone off the deep end.

    Anyway, here’s what I thought I’d throw out there regarding Camping’s views on gays:

    Basically, he teaches, yes, homosexuality is a damnable sin; but so is just about everything else. And even if you never actually DO anything sinful, there’s still original sin which taints us all. So if you find yourself hating gays, or persecuting or shunning them, or gloating about how you’re going to heaven and they’re going to hell… chances are your soul is in as much danger as theirs. Plus, he says, all that hating and shunning and anti-gay legislation is pointless. No amount of harassment can turn a damned soul into a saved one – only Jesus can do that.

    His remedy: pray for your own soul to be cleansed of sinful hatred, first of all. Then pray lovingly for the gay people whose souls you’re worried about, because that’s what a good Christian does.

    Obviously I don’t agree. I’m not Christian and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with gays. But I thought that Camping’s opinion on this was a surprisingly moderate and thoughtful coming from one of the nation’s most conservative Christian mega-preachers.

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