Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do most straight guys secretly want to have their bums explored by their girlfriends/wives? Like, even if they don’t admit it, and they’d never ask…deep down, are they curious?
Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): When they’re together, straight guys tend to avoid anything that could sound even remotely homosexual. Not even a metro guy will tell his buddies how much he enjoyed the ass-play he got last night. This makes it hard to gauge how many butt-buffs there really are out there, but for me I can easily say no. No curiosity, no secret enjoyment. I’m probably in the minority here, but to me it’s sort of like a stray finger up the nose while making out: not terrible, but not particularly exciting either — just off-target.
Straight Married Guy (Jamie): I really think this has to do with the guy’s own level of homophobia. If the guy is open-minded and comfortable in his masculinity, then it’s just something else to try in the bedroom. However, I personally know a few guys who are otherwise pretty sexually adventurous, but who feel that any attempted ass play from their partners is a deal-breaker. Of course, these are the same guys who still think it’s funny to make “fag” jokes about each other in public. I think, for guys like this, asking for some anal attention would be too big of a threat to their warped sense of masculinity.
Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Let’s face it: The prostate is the prostate. Your nerve endings don’t care whether you like to have sex with boys or girls; when something feels good, it feels good. It’s possible that even ten years ago I would have answered differently, but twenty-first century porn has changed my mind: Sites like Seancody.com and BrokeStraightBoys.com, where supposedly straight men have sex with other men, are wildly successful. And I do think that at least some of these porn actors are straight, or at least straighter than they are gay. So this makes me think that there has to be something intriguing enough to them about the idea to overcome what’s left of the taboo. And this is with other men! So if very experimental straight men are willing to let other men explore their bums, then yes, I suspect that your average straight man is definitely interested in having his female partner explore his bum — even if he won’t admit it.
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Engaged Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
I like bum play strap it on girls
All good points. And I’m a huge Dan Savage fan.
Thx.
i found very erotic wend my gf rim my bum i don’t find anything wrong whit that, i love to rim her bum for long time and make me crazy
my experience…current boyfriend enjoys it and feels no shame in admitting it or asking for it, only if i’m comfortable. bum play is just another tool in the pleasure toolbox : ) . last 2 boyfriends liked a little bit of attention to the bum but would barely admit it.
it’s a turn off for me to be with a man who is so opposed to something that could potentially feel nice because he thinks it is a “homosexual” action. i just want to say to those homophobe guys, “hey, gay men give each other head, too. does that mean you’re gay if you like a little oral?” come on, people, grow up. yep, nerve endings are nerve endings are nerve endings and it something feels nice, why should it ever be shunned? my current boyfriend is very sexual, very open, and very masculine. in our relationship, everything is about feeling good. if it feels nice, it feels nice. there is no shame in enjoying the pleasures that our bodies can give us. sex is a gift, our bodies and orgasms are gifts to enjoy ourselves and to share with our lovers.
shasta – my straight boyfriend likes bum play… Emandlo are right … nerve endings are nerve endings. Some boys won’t play because they are afraid it’ll make them homosexual…but those aren’t fun boys anyway. 🙂
Well put, Slartibart (and Dan Savage!). We agree: nerve endings aren’t straight or gay, and acts aren’t straight or gay, either. We also agree that different men and women enjoy different things in bed. This question was a little tongue-in-cheek, we admit. We do tend to harp on this topic a bit because we think it’s kind of a bummer (heh) that this act could be enjoyable to a lot of men if they weren’t so anal (sorry) about its implications. But it’s also true that plenty of men are totally relaxed about the topic but just plain don’t like it, and that’s fine. We just think you should dislike it for the right reasons. 🙂
Hmmm… It’s beginning to look as though another difference between men and women has been revealed. While it may be a long-established and widely known fact that all women enjoy the same things in the precisely the same ways, early evidence suggests that not all men like exactly the same thing. Curious. A biological population with individual behavioral variation. Who’d-a-thunk-it?
I vaguely remember reading an advice columnist (possibly Dan Savage) who opined that gay or straight was revealed by *who* someone chooses as a playmate rather than *which* activities are selected. At the time, I thought that seemed pretty reasonable. Still do.
You Guy Friends aren’t helping me here.
I initially agree with GayEngagedDude. Prostate is the Prostate. I introduced a little outer rim play to my boyfriend of 13 months and he loved it. He never seemed Gay to me.
Howevva, Straight Single claims he doesn’t like it, Straight Married completely dodged the subject and Amanda’s guy who liked it turned out to be Gay.
So which is it?
If it feels good, It feels good. I know a guy that loves it and I know another guy that would not even dare sample that.
My bf loves booty play. He might not tell all his friends about it, but in the privacy of our bedroom, he asks for it.
Secretly? This isn’t a big secret, and it is sad if a guy can’t be open about it. I’m surprised people make a big deal of of this.
Enjoying a finger or toy in your butt doesn’t mean you’re gay, it means you’re adventurous.
P.S. It’s 2009.
My husband (who im seperated from, not legally, he just walked out) asked me on many occasions for booty play. I think he’s gay, on the downlow, or/and bi-sexual. I feel in my heart that he is. He has done and said a lot of things in the past that has made me question his sexuality. I’ve spoken to many of my straight male friends and they believe he is gay also. I just don’t think its normal for a straight man to want the type of things he has asked me to do to him. Including booty play. That is just how I feel.
I think it’s personal taste.
some people like ass play, some like bondage, some like roll play.
sometimes people are too homophobic to try, some just know it’s not for them, and others are willing to try it before deciding.
I’ve personally learned many life lessons from the plotlines of my favorite porn websites.