Wise Guys: What Turns a Hook-Up Into a Girlfriend?

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What turns a hook-up into a girlfriend?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): Intimacy and laughter are what turn a hook-up into a lasting relationship. Continued intimacy and laughter will then lead to marriage — at least, in my experience. Hot hook-ups when I was single were great and all, but if the guy bored me, or if there was little connection outside the bedroom, there was no chance I was about to be picking out curtains at Ikea with him. Of course, guys are weird and sometimes a man just isn’t looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend. So even if he’s busting his gut and a nut every time you’re together, he just might not be ready. Ask, and move on if that’s what you’re looking for.

Straight Married Guy (David Jacobs): A baby!





Straight Single Guy (Adam): I can’t speak for everyone else, but for me, a hook-up turns into someone I want to have as my girlfriend when I don’t just want to hook up with her. If I spend all my time thinking about all the things I want to do with my hook-up other than hooking up, then that’s a telltale sign she’s not just a hook-up.

As for whether a hook-up has, in fact, transformed into an actual girlfriend, I think that’s something that can only happen after we’ve both had a conversation about it. It would probably be one-sided and go something like this: “Hey remember when I was treating you like a piece of meat? Yeah, so I’m all done with that, and I’d really like to take it to the next level. I realize I didn’t treat you with a lot of respect before, but I’m totally ready to buy you flowers and kiss puppy dogs with you and all that shit. What do you say? … Hey, where are you going?”


Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is David Jacobs, a NYC-based photographer; our Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross, who works for a network news program and lives in Brooklyn with his husband and two dogs; and our Straight Single Guy is Adam, a lawyer and native Floridian in his early thirties. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


  1. Gotta say, Johnny, that’s quite speculative. You read all that into my two word (admittedly not very funny) joke of a reply? But just for the sake of really dumb argument, let’s suppose a casual hook-up resulted in pregnancy. Would attempting an actual relationship be “not nice” to the woman? And how would that possibly indicate anything about the guy’s personal take on casual sex, be it puritanical, indulgent or whatever else?

  2. “casual sex is inherently disrespectful and objectifying.”

    It’s inherently selfish. And the other things too.

  3. David – it sound like you’re either not nice to your hook-ups, or you’ve drank the puritanical kool-aid that warps minds into believing casual sex is inherently disrespectful and objectifying.

  4. Looks like you fellas are feeling rather sensitive today!
    Gene: Not sure how my light-hearted, tossed-off reply relates to your rather unique marital/girlfriend situation… but good luck with it.
    Chris: Lighten up!

  5. Boo to the straight married guy. I am married to a woman who loves me in every way but due to health issues cannot physically participate. With her permission, finding a girlfriend from a hook up has been a goal. I wasn’t after a piece of meat. I needed a woman of passion who understood what our relationship was going to be and what it would never be.
    One hook-up had this undeniable understanding of passion, while she was unafraid of intimacy. I knew instantly she was someone special.

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