Wise Guys: What's the Appeal of Giving Oral?

photo by Bogdan Suditu

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “For guys who like to give oral sex, what’s the appeal? What differentiates them from the guys who seem to hate giving it?”

Gay Single Guy (Angelo Nikolopoulos): From all the straight men that I’ve queried over this eternal question, what seems to separate the men who like to give oral sex from those who dread it depends on one mitigating factor: good hygiene. In this regard, straight men are simple creatures really: if it looks edible and smells reasonably fresh, they’ll eat it. A straight friend once admitted to eating his own spunk, not out of pleasure or lack of a nearby gym sock, but out of common courtesy to his partner — a self-taste check, if you will. It’s pretty fair, I guess, to sample the goods before serving. Or better yet, a moral exemplar: a do-as-I-do strategy. So go ahead, brave pilgrim, and give it a whirl. The proof, after all, is in the pudding.

anonymous_suitStraight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): It’s probably the same with girls and blowjobs — some of us love it and some of us don’t. For those of us who do, it’s a hunger to tantalize you and experience everything about you. We want to taste you and connect deeply and drive you absolutely wild, because you’ve gotten under our skin and we’re zealous to show it. I think it also has to do with the type of guy you are. Those of us who are passionate and compassionate will want to consume you, whereas someone who’s selfish and apathetic just won’t give a damn. Personally I couldn’t have a serious relationship without giving oral sex. It’s a chance to get to know you without distraction, and in a way, it’s even more intimate than intercourse.

anonymous_suitStraight Married Guy (Figleaf): I’m going to go out on a limb and say guys who find it appealing enjoy it for the same reasons women who enjoy it like eating their partners. It involves all our senses — sight, sound, hearing, taste, touch, and scent. It’s sensual and pleasurable the same way kissing a partner’s lips and face is. We like it because we’re right there so it’s easy to tell the effect we’re having. And because we know it can feel really, really nice for our partner. Also it’s a skill and because you can always learn something new about doing it. And it’s just cool to feel present and in control while your partner’s dissolving into inarticulate quivers. In other words, as I said, it’s for the same reasons many women say they like going down on their partners.

For guys who hate it? Again I’m guessing it’s not that different for women who don’t like giving either. You feel obliged. Your partner won’t do it to you unless you do it to them. You heard somewhere you’re supposed to. You don’t like the taste, or the smell, or the feeling of someone’s private parts pushing into your face. You have bad associations with it. You think it’s undignified or unbecoming or inappropriate or exploitive. You think it’s a necessary step on the way to “the real thing” so you want to get it over with as quickly as possible. You think if either you or maybe they “were any good” you’d both be satisfied with “real” sex, i.e. intercourse. In other words, much like the same reason some women don’t want to go down on their partners.

Just as it’s nice to enjoy receiving or giving, it’s also okay not to. Not everyone likes to go down, and not everyone likes to be gone down on. Just don’t pretend.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is Angelo Nikolopoulos, host of an NYC queer reading series The White Swallow, and our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


  1. I dislike giving BJs. It’s a chore, not something enjoyable. I don’t like the smell, the taste, the way it’s become the “expected thing” and I really see no reason doing something I actively dislike or am bored with. I don’t have a clitoris or g-point at the back of my throat, instead I have a gag-reflex, I dislike being forced to drool, or having to stretch my jaws wider then when I eat. I sure won’t be getting on my knees for a man either. I don’t even slightly get tickled or hot with the idea of giving anyone a BJ.

    As to the man going down on me, I don’t need it. Which makes refusing BJs easy. I come perfectly fine with vaginal sex, don’t need much direct stimulation to the clitoris and instead tend to fall asleep when given oral sex.

    That said, it’s not as if without either sexlife would be wanting. There’s so much more you can do that doesn’t involve oral and is a hundred times more stimulating, such as edging for instance.

  2. Its such a turn on for me to get on my knees and go down on a man. It doesn’t bother me if he doesn’t shave, in fact I prefer to see hair down there because it looks manly to me and it gets me hot. A little trim is good enough for me. Hygiene is HUGE. I think most people will agree with me that if there’s a bad odor down there I won’t be visiting. And I dont mean his natural scent. That’s a turn on.

    For me, I enjoy giving oral because I like to pleasure the guy I’m with. I like to glance up while I do it and see the smoldering look in his eyes, watch him writhe and twitch and hear him moan. Its fantastic and it really gets me hot. I have a friend who is totally against it, considers it slutty. How is that slutty, knowing you can make your man feel good? That’s power, baby.

  3. I love going down on my knees for my man.
    Love his scent,the sounds he makes and how he strokes my hair. I often come while giving him oral.

  4. Been divorced for 31 years now because I couldn’t bring myself to get my tongue and nose anywhere near her vagina. She said I don’t love her. Not true. I don’t like bad tastes and smells. Kills the erection.

  5. I enjoy giving as well as receiving oral sex. My main turn off with a man and giving him oral sex is his hygiene in that area. If he doesn’t take care of himself enough to keep himself clean, than he isn’t going to care that much about pleasuring me good.

  6. 69 is my favorite. Simultaneous pleasure. My wife happens to enjoy oral as much as I enjoy oral-giving and recieving.
    It is all about pleasing each other and getting the most out the sexual experience. After 24 years together, trying new ways to please each other can be challenging but once youlet go of your inhibitions, one can get creative with oral sex too.

  7. I enjoy receiving oral sex, if it’s done right. I enjoy giving more than receiving, I love giving oral sex, I am more of a visual person so i love to see how much he enjoys it. But, he has to have good hygiene because smells can turn me off. I in turn make sure that I also have good hygiene. I had an ex boyfriend who loved to go down on my after I came home from work, he liked the smell instead of me taking a shower first, I always insisted on having a shower first. Anyway, long story short, I rather give than receive. But maybe I will change my mind if someone gives me mind blowing oral sex.

  8. im a grl & all i can say is hygiene is a huge factor. people ive been with before i sorta felt obligated but now with my boyfriend it just feels right. also a big factor is doing it for each other because we want to see each other happy & enoying every single bit.

  9. I’m with L.A. Chris. Even though one can’t talk in terms of absolutes on this, I think a strong correlation could be uncovered on his point about compassionate vs. selfish.

  10. More accurately, and maybe more appropriately, “the proof of the pudding is in the tasting.”

  11. I think that the partner has a lot to do with it also. With my first husband, I hated giving and receiving from him. Most likely because I felt forced and felt that he treated me like an object. Wham, Bam, Thank You Maam. No pleasure for me. With my current, and last 🙂 husband, I love giving and receiving. But our relationship is “what can I do for you” not “what can I get from you” The desire to make the other one quiver, and tense to the explosive orgasm is a real turn on.

  12. I think giving a woman oral sex is the most visceral of sex acts. Unlike a blowjob, where the wad can be dodged at the end, going down on a woman provides a non-stop trickle – sometimes a gush – of delicious girl juice. Which is probably the exact same thing that some guys hate.

    No one mentioned the visual aspect of it. I love the view I get from going down on a girl. My favorite sexual sight in the world is when I’m lying on my back, and she’s straddling my face.

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