Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “What do blue-balls feel like… is it really that painful, or that big a deal? Is it even a real physical phenomenon?”
Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): Blue balls are the testicular equivalent of a migraine headache. They are very real and can be very painful: pressure builds up due to sexual excitement from direct stimulation and has nowhere to go. Imagine having to sneeze, getting right to the second before and holding it for 15 minutes. Now, to be clear, I’m referring to situations where sexual activity has already begun (i.e. handjobs, oral, whatever) and then stopped in the middle for some reason. Mere kissing doesn’t cause blue balls, and those guys who claim otherwise are probably pigs. (To suggest a romantic situation that starts with kissing HAS to end with an orgasm is not only absurd, it’s borderline abusive.) But in those situations where physical contact with the johnson has been initiated by a second party and then arbitrarily withdrawn, it can be not only physically frustrating, but emotionally frustrating as well. It’s like, Why would she do that? Why??? My work ethic has always been to finish what I start, and I recommend this philosophy be applied to the bedroom as well. Of course, guys who find themselves in this situation have a very easy solution: masturbate! Much like Excedrin cures a headache, masturbation will cure blue balls. It’s really quite simple.
Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): Truthfully, I had to look this up. Wikipedia claims it is “the condition of temporary fluid congestion in the testicles and prostrate region caused by prolonged sexual arousal in the human male.” I say no way. Total urban legend. “Prolonged sexual arousal?” What kind of oxymoron is that? I don’t know any guy who “prolongs” sexual arousal. Sexual arousal in men is like Superman: it’s up, up and away, end of story. Maybe it existed in the ’50s, when people would just “neck” for hours and it wouldn’t go anywhere. But those days are looooong gone. Hi Bristol Palin! And gay-wise? Uh, never an issue. However, if I’m wrong and there really is such a thing, I would sincerely hope they look like Smurf balls — because that would be kind of cool.
Straight Married Guy (Jim): What does it say about me that I’m not even sure I’ve ever really experienced blue balls? All I can say for sure is that not having orgasmic sex is the worst part of not having orgasmic sex. I’d prefer to think this is an evolutionary advance, rather than a carefully cultivated myth I’m ruining for half of everyone. Maybe someone who wasn’t effectively celibate in high school can explain if it’s only a problem with new balls.
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Jim from New York, our Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter, and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett, owner of the LA PR firm Barnett Ellman. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
I have expeirnced blue balls few times while I was with my girl friend. Initially I feared assuming it to be any sexual disorder but I know once I ejaculate, all went fine.
One suggestion I’d like to give is whenever we involve in foreplay, try to avoid oral sex, handjob while you have just initiated sex with your partner. Once you feel sexually arouse, then use your penis to come into the role. This way you’ll enjoy the sex for a longer time. Otherwise, youo may affect with blue balls at very initial time and end up eigher doing masturbation or nothing.
Well, don’t I feel absolutely foolish… I make a post here saying I’ve never had blue balls, and just today I learned the hard way what they felt like. Sensitive? Most definitely. Swollen? Ouch. Pleasant? Not entirely, no! And today of all days, masturbation, the easiest solution, simply wasn’t an option. I had to suffer through at least an hour of it with grit teeth! It did give me a bit of a chuckle at the irony, however. Another experience off the checklist…
I simply wanted to thank you for your speedy reply, Mme L. It set my mind to ease. Both of my issues have been resolved (albeit humorously), and I can sleep a little easier at night.
p.s. To partially confirm the remedy myth of cool water that Dude mentioned, a dip in the local pool today gave almost immediate relief to the lasting soreness of that tender area; I don’t know how much longer it would have lasted without it! If it happens to be more convenient, I suppose someone could try taking a cool shower or the like.
Thanks again~
Steele, I’m not a doctor, either. I’m a nurse, and I am guessing that with your history there may have been enough issue, either with the surgery or with the tumor itself, that the vascular engorgement to your testes is just slightly different than a man with a different history.
You’ve seen a urologist, a good thing to do, and continue to do, and if he says the vascular flow is adequate and you can perform sexually (most men who have had to have a testicle removed DO have totally normal sexual function) I wouldn’t worry much. I’d take your urologist’s opinion above all others. He knows the issue.
Blue balls is just something you don’t have to worry about. You aren’t missing anything. 😉
This has actually been bothering me a little… Not the pain of blue balls, but the lack thereof. I’ve only seen maybe two comments on the above list that state that the person had never experienced them.
This bothers me because I’ve exposed myself to a high number of sexually stressful activities similar to or even more prolonged than above examples, and I’ve never felt even a little discomfort. The situations I am giving as an example often contain extended periods of erections, some stimulus, but repetitive denial of climax.
When I was looking up information on blue balls, partially for amusement and partially because I really didn’t understand them and had never experienced them, I also read that it’s common to find some swelling in the testes during arousal as the vascular tissue expands. I’ve given myself a simple examination in relation to this, and found no noticeable change in size or a consistent change in texture.
Because these two frequently spoken-of phenomena seem to be linked at their roots, I’ve been beginning to wonder if I may be unhealthy. Could this be a sign that I’m not receiving proper blood flow to that area? I hope that I’m not the only guy out there that might worry that they -aren’t- getting blue balls when it seems every other guy out there is.
This may not be relevant, or it may, but I’ve never had very large testes, as 19-almost-20-year-old, they’re only about 1.5-2 inches long and about 1 inch diameter. Most sources seem to report this to be under average. My urologists seem fine with this, however.
I may also want to specify that I had to have my right testicle removed two years ago, due to a [benign] leydig (sp?) cell tumor. There have been no noticeable changes in any of my sexual areas or even patterns of arousal, and my reported findings on blood flow remain consistent, so it probably does not matter, but I’m not a doctor to say for sure.
This may seem a little backwards in comparison to the experiences of others here, but I can’t find any info on this via Google.
A couple of times I’ve been sick because the pain of a headache got so bad I couldn’t stand it anymore. But it’s exceptional. If I get a headache usually a bit of sleep and paracetamol kills it off.
I’m glad you’ve seen a doc to rule out any vascular problems. It’s not that you can’t “tolerate” pain, it’s the way your body responds to stimuli. Do you, by any chance, have migraines? My guess would be the vascular response, or the way your body responds to pain related to vascular issues is at fault. Not much you can do about it, but like has been said, there are some things you can do to help. Masturbate, etc.
You can try the lifting, it may help (you may also pass out, that’s the way the vagus nerve responds in many people) But, it would only be for a moment, and it may relieve some of the issue. I’m NOT a doctor, so you do want to keep in touch with your doctor, especially about those headaches. My guess is they are in the migraine family.
Yes Mademoiselle I’ve had several urology visits since the ER episode with a different person everytime, ultrasound scans and urine samples: medically speaking my testicles are perfectly normal. Pain is one of those things we all react to differently; sometimes I vomit because I have a headache. I guess I just don’t tolerate pain very well, but thanks for your sympathy. I should try to masturbate before a date, it’s true I never tried that before. I heard of the other remedies Enrique, but I haven’t tried lifting something heavy. It’s fine once I’m used to a girl, then I don’t get constant erections all the time. Luckily I can predict when I’m going to get blue balls, it’s usually in that first phase when I don’t know the other person very well and the slightest thing they do can be a massive turn on, I’m helpless, at the mercy of my balls. Damn, that pain that radiates up in the abdomen, I just don’t have words for it, it’s by far the most pain I’ve ever experienced. People also say that cold water around the balls helps, but I gotta say, when I dipped my boys in a bowl of hot water, wow, it was amazing.
Wow, I had no idea that intentionally triggering a vago response would help, but it makes sense, if the parasymp is involved. My concern would be IF it’s vascular (and I have no way of knowing, it is probably what you said.)
He just seemed like it was so severe, a lot of urologists (all, in fact) are trained in Gen Medicine as well, so they may be able to help him avoid this side effect in the future. He could also talk to his Primary Care, or Family Doctor, as he it appears this is so severe and painful.
Never knew taking a dump would help this. The things they DON’T teach you when you get a Nursing Degree. (And my Specialty is Maternal Infant Care and Lactation, so the male physiology is not really something I was taught a heck of a lot about.) Thanks for the info. I’d like to go back and study Sexual Health, but it is hard to find a program.
Lizzie,
What Madam’L said, tell your Boytoy that he has activated the launch sequence, or slip a Viagra into his Guinness.
As for what Dude said, Madam’L (it sounds like you are in the medical field) think about the effect of arousal on the parasympathetic nervous system. His body obviously has a heightened sense to the plexuses and pelvic splanchnic control, which effect the prostate, rectal, blah, blah, blah spasms. I am only an EMT, but Dude’s condition does not sound like he needs a Urologist, he sounds like a guy. I have not had blue balls in years, but Dude described what I experienced at its worst, including the explosive BM. Especially that dull ache that radiates upward into the abdo. Dude two things that I have heard help: 1.) Try taking a shit, the vasovagal response provides momentary relief, but you try hovering over a public toilet seat with raging hard on. 2.) Try performing an isometric like picking up the bumper of a car, it is supposedly like performing a full body kegel.
Dude, you have the worst reaction to Blue Balls I have ever seen. Have you seen a urologist since the ER visit? There may be some vascular issue in your testes, which may need to be looked at. I feel bad you have such awful side effects. I’m a woman and I just ache and get crabby as HELL, as well as a mild abdominal pain. Nothing like what you described.
Have you tried masturbating BEFORE a date? That way some of the pressure will be relieved and a second erection may not be as intense or quick. I’d still talk to a urologist, though. Those are some nasty side effects. It can’t be good to have those side effects on a regular basis due to this condition.
lizzie, TELL HIM. Try something funny like, “Back in the saddle, cowboy, I ain’t done!” Or just let him know HE needs to help you reach a climax. If you don’t say anything, he may not know.
ALWAYS let them know when you aren’t done. Likewise, if you feel it “just isn’t going to happen” let them know, too. My Man will knock himself out AFTER I’ve said, “don’t think it’s happenin’ today, darling.”
Maybe your boy just doesn’t KNOW how you orgasm, you may need to show him. It’s only fair, and right and the American Way and all that. 🙂
Dear Lord, I hate getting blue balled.
I’m a girl, and my current boytoy is dumb. We’ll be doing stuff, and obviously it’s easier to get him off than me, but I’ll be just getting into it, and he’ll be done. It’s painful. It sucks.
Blue balls is VERY REAL. I see there are still skeptics out there who don’t believe that they can be that painful, well let me tell you, it is just as bad as people say.
I get blue balls from hell. The first time it happened I had no idea what was going on, I’d never even heard of blue balls but I felt like I was going to die. All I knew was that after a night with my girlfriend of repeated periods of erection and flacid state without ever coming, my testicles were strung high and sensitive as fuck, not to mention the stomach ache which was relenteless. Eventually I found myself at the bottom of the stairs, unable to stand up and with hardly enough strength to hold the phone while I dialled for an ambulance.
When I got to hospital I must have looked like hell because the nurse who admitted me looked horrified. I later found out she admitted me on the highest level of emergency which is usually reserved for life-threatening and other serious emergencies. They gave me a bunch of painkillers and I fell asleep. Later in the day a urologist finally examined me and couldn’t find anything wrong. By that time the pain had gone, although my balls still felt like someone had played football with them.
The second time it happened was with a christian girl who didn’t want to put out before marriage but she spent the entire night rubbing against my cock. Surprise, the pain of blue balls (which I’d hoped I’d never experience ever again) came back. I thought, not THIS again! I recognised that dull, deep stomach ache combined with high-hanging testicles that scream with pain if as much as a fly flies past them within a mile radius. The stomach pain also seemed to cause some sort of diarrhoea, because I rushed to her bathroom and DESTROYED it with the smelliest, runniest shit I’ve ever had. I felt embarassed because she must have heard through the wall that abomination come out of my ass, but at the same time I was like, meh, you gave me blue balls, this is how I get back at you. She was kind enough to drive me back to my house though. Once home, I ran upstairs and vomited a whole bunch of bile. I spent the rest of the day lying on my back, with my legs far apart.
Eventually I put 2 and 2 together and worked out that prolonged sexual arousal (I mean several hours worth) combined with no ejaculation equaled pain. I finally found the term ‘blue balls’ on the internet after researching my symptoms. So if anyone again says blue balls is a myth or a half-truth then they’re calling me a liar. I’ve had my balls scanned and examined by 2 urologists and as many doctors and they’re anatomicall y fine. I have no other condition; deal with it you non-believers, blue balls, it really is just that bad for some people.
My last occurence of blue balls was a couple days ago. I met a nice girl and spent the day with her. I was well aware of the potential for blue balls here and was determined not to be caught out. Still, I liked her a lot and everytime we held hands, hugged or kissed I started growing a raging boner. Yeah I know it’s FUNNY but I couldn’t help it. Immediate erection. I knew she wasn’t the kind of girl to sleep on a first date so I knew I had to do something otherwise I’d get blue balls again. I tried to consciously stop my erections but that was impossible. They just kept coming back. When I finally said bye to her, the pain had begun. I was in the middle of town and miles away from home. I now knew what caused blue balls and realised that the only way to avoid vomiting in public/ending up in hospital was to masturbate. So, in the middle of a busy street, I was walking like John Wayne trying to keep my testicles safe from brushing against my underwear (yes, the pain was that bad), thinking, I gotta find a toilet and rub one off in there. I went to a nearby train station, found the public toilet and locked myself in a cubicle, took a massive, disgusting, painful shit and then reluctantly proceeded to jack off. I gotta tell you, the odour of my shit, the noise of the train station, the whole thing could not have been less conducive to arousal, yet I knew it was absolutely necessary otherwise I would not make it home that day. So I forced myself. I had trouble getting an erection because I was in so much pain, but eventually managed a semi, and came. I have to say, my cum did not look normal. Instead of the usual thick white paste, I seemed to ejaculate mostly clear liquid and very little white pasty stuff. The pain relief was almost instant. My balls, although still hurting, were nowhere near as bad as before. The stomach ache however, was still hammering away and showing no signs of going away. I washed my hands and left, not even ashamed of what I had done. I did it because it was a matter of life and death.
On the train ride home by stomach was killing me and people watched me as I was doubled over in pain. The pain had almost totally left my balls and I knew that masturbation had ‘saved’ them, at least this time. But I knew the stomach ache was there to stay. When I got home (after walking like John Wayne), I ran hot water in a bowl and dipped my gonads in; hmmmm it felt so good and seriously helped soothe was little remained of the pain there. I popped a few pills to deal with the stomach ache and lay down with my balls on a pillow, like there were some sort of expensive freaking pedigree cat. Eventually all the pain went away.
So there, blue balls is sadly very real, I wish I didn’t suffer from it, but those were the cards I was dealt with. I really hope any people reading this that are still skeptical about it come round (no pun intended) and realise it’s not blown out of all proportion. I gave an accurate account of what blue balls is like for me.
I have certainly experienced blue balls. About 7 years ago i took Paxil for two weeks. At the time I met a very sexy girl and started a sexual affair with her. The paxil made it so that no matter how much sex i had with her .. i could not cum. after a few days the pain in my testicles was so incredible that i had a hard time walking. I ended up damaging my left testicle and it now hurts when I don’t cum every few days and i also have a ton of pre-cum I did not have all of this pre cum before… its like its leaking out during intercourse. This is very real and my testicle is visibly damaged thus it goes beyond the pain and leakage
Anyone who says blue balls is a myth is completely ignorant and ungrateful for how lucky they are to have never experienced it.
I guess it’s not super painful for some guys, but for a lot of us it is. It’s not permanant damage but it puts you out of commission for a good few hours.
It’s hard to jerk it off to get rid of them because your balls hurt way too bad in my experience.