Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Why do guys seem to dislike giving oral sex more than woman seem to dislike giving it?“
Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): I’ve met a bunch of straight men and woman who dislike the pastime, which is a bit of a mystery to me — most gays just love the activity! One in my position can only speculate, but I wonder if it’s a fear of “the other” that has some people so squeamish. Sure, everyone loves sex, but some just want to keep to keep everything perfectly aligned, mouth to mouth, genitalia to genitalia. I bet the people who shy away from oral sex are just unfamiliar with how everything works down there or fear they’ll get a mouthful of a bodily fluid.
Straight Single Guy (Chris): I hate to disappoint you, but we don’t all dislike giving oral. I’m not fishing for dates here, but I personally love giving as much as receiving. I promise I can have that verified for you. I think many guys are just too anxious to get to sex. I suppose I was too when I was younger. Now that I’m a little older, I’m much more interested in leaving a good impression. My recovery time isn’t the same as it once was either, so I guess I’m compensating somewhat, but I remember always being pretty into it. I don’t know if there’s a secret. Ladies, keep things nice and trim down there: consider going with a complete “no spin zone” or maybe even a vajazzling to try to drum up some interest. (He should do be willing to do the same for you.) And speaking of reciprocation, remember the golden rule: if you give good head then hopefully you’ll get good head in return. I guess the only other advice I can give if you’re still having trouble is that you can find me on Facebook pretty easily…
Straight Married Guy (Mike): Who said that men dislike giving oral sex? Nothing is more arousing than the smell of a woman. So, just for selfish reasons, oral is a great way to start. However, there are obviously men who are repelled by the idea and women who are self-conscious, but it’s nothing that a little personal hygiene won’t cure. As for women, there seems to be much more pressure and expectation to expertly perform orally — the blowjob is a fixture of porn and is practically de rigueur. I wonder how many women really enjoy being a service provider? With either, a little communication would go a long way: as exciting as oral sex can be, there’s also nothing worse than when it is half-hearted.
Okay…”boyzilian”, “gonazzling”, “no spin zone”…this site definitely needs a glossary! You know what they say, Anathema: no pain…no ball sucking (or something like that) Your boyfriend must be buying stock in wax right about now 🙂
My boyfriend has in fact gotten a “boyzilian” a couple of times. The first time, he was at a home spa party with the girls, we sort of dared him . . . and while of course it hurt (I’ve been getting Brazilians for years, so I’m used to the pain) he loooooved the results. Like the fact that I couldn’t stop sucking his balls. Don’t get me wrong, I give him attention even when he’s furry, but something about that smooth skin is irresistible.
the second #5 was a good edition.
i wish i could follow that every night.
Ok, ok, I’m taking a digital beating here and I think it’s just a case of bad humor writing.
1. A “no spin zone” is a complete shave or wax, bald. I did invent the term while writing this post and have become quite fond of it. (Plus, fuck Bill O’Rielly.) For the record, this is my favorite configuration, but there is no requirement.
2. A Vagazzling is indeed jeweled decorations of the pubis area, and I, like all of you, think it is ridiculous. I would laugh in the face, or nether region, of any girl that turned out to have one. I was KIDDING. Jesus. (But I would definitely consider Gonazzling if requested.) (Full disclosure: I kind of love Jennifer Love Hewitt, who first announced her vagazzling on TV making it instantly popular, so I would hold my laughter and give her some great oral sex.)
3. The premise of the question was that many/most women are complaining that they are not getting enough oral sex and wanted to know why men don’t love it. My response first explained that I do love it (which seems to be the consensus here among the male responders) and therefore was trying to offers suggestions for additional motivation to your partner(s). None of my suggestions are requirements.
4. For the record, I don’t wax down there, but I am generally very well-groomed. I haven’t experienced the pain of the waxing, but I do understand the inconvenience, the itching, and the discomfort that come from the near instant stubble after grooming. I also know what a typical response is to my well-groomed area, and I can assure you it is better than full-grown bush. Plus, I need all the help I can get in the perceived-size department. (see an earlier post about manscaping.)
5. I am in complete agreement with Madamoiselle L and her partner about oral being the “Main Event” rather than foreplay. Sex is great, but the level of control that you both get from oral can’t be matched. Oral can be an amazing experience on its own, and is indeed the “funnest part.”
5. It really does sound like some of you need some oral sex ASAP. Shut your laptops right away and go get some…
I agree that going down can be an aquired taste. But it is always easier to get a guy to go down an a clean body. I have had a standing 2 directional rule with every girlfiend i have ever had: either of us is allowed to request the other to wash up before being expected to go down on the other, The one being asked to wash up is not to take offense, as it is for purely for hygenic, and comfort reasons.
The request has been used both directions. as much as i prefer my girlfriend to be clean when i go down. I am sure she also appreciates me only being dirty in a figurative manner.
That being said. I LOVE going down, and everything about going down, taste, texture, smell, and the ability to know I’ve done a good job at it. I have always loved it, and always will.
I have on many occasions, when turned down for sex at night because she is tired, offered to help her sleep by going down on her until she drifts off, with no strings attached.
I love lots of hair, little hair, no hair, heck the vagazeling would be fun too.
Most of the women I know, enjoy changing their hairstyle up top, why not do the same down below? Have fun with it!! try dying your hair, go clean shaven, grow it out, trim designs into it, you can even try and braid it, a perm may be a bit silly, but whatever else you can think of is great
If a guy did not want to go down on me, he certainly would not be getting any sex from me in the future, plus I would not even consider getting into a relationship with him. Any woman that smells bad either practices bad hygiene or genuinely has some sort of vaginal bacterial infection which could be cleared with one trip to the doctor. Guys that will not go down on a girl for any other reason are bad in bed, young, sexually selfish, or all three.
Okay, I just checked, and “no spin zone” isn’t even in Urban Dictionary (all they have are entries pertaining to Bill O’Reilly…?!)so I’m thinking Chris may want to head over there and give them an update.
You know, I think Chris was just looking for some answers to the question, not trying to offend people who are committed to being “au naturel.” This is so personal…some people enjoy the natural odors a body produces, some don’t…it’s not right or wrong, just personal preference, and I don’t think you should jump all over someone for admitting their preferences. (Personally, I find my husband much more appealing when he’s just out of the shower, body odor is definitely not a turn on for me…and don’t get me started on nut odor…soap is cheap, and Armani deodorant smells yummy, mmm.) Pubic hair (his)gets in the way and is one less-appealing part of a blow job, honestly, who likes to stop and pull that hair out of the back of your throat? Again, this is all personal preference: I like to shave, have clean hair, pedicures, etc., and I have friends who don’t shave anything and don’t use deodorant, and their husbands obviously are fine with it. I guess the trick is ending up with someone who shares your preferences.
I, too, would like to see a picture of Chris getting “gonazzled,” and propose Em&Lo start taking up donations for the cause… 🙂
While the opinions of the Wise Guys are not necessarily the opinions of us, we will say this: when we edited Chris’s answer, we added the parenthetical about the guy being willing to do the same since we know Chris actually does take his own genital grooming very seriously and would go totally bare (if he doesn’t already) if a partner asked him to. However, our placement of the parenthetical may have been poor and probably should have come after the no spin zone (i.e. no hair zone) remark and not the vagazzling bit. Although, again, we would not put gonazzling past Chris if it were politely requested of him by someone he adored — he’s a pretty adventurous guy. But we’ll have to see if we can get Chris over here to defend himself.
I’ve never had a problem with guys going down on me although I have to admit that some of them haven’t been very skilful.
It could also be a confidence thing, I mean there are a few guys who still don’t know how to find the “man in the boat” let alone know just which buttons to press.
Personally I like to instruct because lets face it, if you don’t tell him what works how is he to know he’s doing it right.
Practice makes perfect and it’s a lot of fun learning. 🙂
I’ve only met a couple guys ever who claim to really not like giving girls oral.
But almost all guys I’ve discussed it with have at some point stammered, “uh… I’m, uh, just not into that…” because something was off down there.
Like it was smelly. Or hairy. I know no one likes to hear that, but there is such a thing as smelly pussy and over-hairiness. Yes, I know that balls can get just as stinky. Which is why I’ve at times REJECTED oral when I wasn’t appropriately showered.
Jen’s 48 hours per shower advice? Wrong. That’s sufficient to keep the plague away, but not to make oral appealing. Men and women, keep clean if you want people to go down on you, fer chrissake.
Chris said: “I don’t know if there’s a secret. Ladies, keep things nice and trim down there: consider going with a complete “no spin zone” or maybe even a vajazzling to try to drum up some interest. (He should do be willing to do the same for you.)” END QUOTE
SO, Chris, buddy……when you have YOUR pubic hair ripped out by the roots, and let some chick hot glue gun rhinestones to YOUR pubis, would you please let Em&Lo post the pic? I, for one, would do a “pay for view” on that. 😉
Uh, what’s a “no spin zone?”
Jen, You are Hilarious! I agree completely. “I haven’t yet met a man who wouldn’t go into gales of hysterical laughter at a ‘vajazzled’ spot.”
My Man just stared when I showed him the pic, and said, “Dear God, please tell me you are NOT going to do that.” I’m not, he has no reason to fear. Then he said, “I can’t help thinking one of those things would be going INTO the hole in my dick, or what if I swallowed one, or broke a tooth on one?” LOL! He has no reason to worry. This lady ain’t gonna have no rhinestones hot glue gunned to her freshly denuded Pubic Mons.
Cleanliness is certainly important. But, I agree, oral sex isn’t “an option” it’s often “the main event” in our bedroom, and NEVER left out. Never quite understood the word “foreplay.” Intercourse is great, amazing, often, but it isn’t the ONLY thing to do in bed. The Man says going down is “the funnest” thing to do. I happily reciprocate and agree. Neither of us are squeamish about bodily fluids, because neither of us are 14….
Good for you for finally stepping up to the Plate, Lee! See what you were missing? Same goes for all those women who “don’t want to put that Thing in my mouth.” C’mon, grow up. It’s “the funnest thing.”
As a man, it is certainly an acquired taste. Initially, I avoided it like the plaque although women often presented the possibility, but now it is the best thing since sex was invented for me.
It probably takes love and patience on the woman’s part to get to the goal. Ditto for the men.
If you keep yourself at least relatively clean (shower at least every 48 hours), then giving oral sex shouldn’t be an option for most straight guys- it’s part of the sexual package. In my experience, the guys who don’t like going down with a female are just pretty selfish (or gay- nothing wrong with that, unless you’re sleeping with a woman) – they’re assuming that they give every woman multiple orgasms with their dixie stick, and don’t worry about it past that as long as they get to spurt wonder juice into the holy grail. I haven’t yet met a man who wouldn’t go into gales of hysterical laughter at a ‘vajazzled’ spot.
If your partner is young or inexperienced or just plain squeamish, give them tactful and enthusiastic feedback about what they are doing right. “Do that more!” is much more helpful than “Loser…can’t you tell that it’s a millimeter to the right?” Saying “I deep throat that thing even if you haven’t washed for a week” isn’t helpful at the moment, no matter how true it may be.
I’m not quite getting how oral sex is an option…missionary position sometimes gets a little stale, and anal is at least one step up on the kinky scale from oral. Every man that you let ‘get away’ with not doing oral is a man that’s going to be disappointing numerous women in the future when it comes to sex, so do your fellow women a favour and make it a non-negotiable thing.
Wow, that’s helpful. So all guys DO like going down, and if a guy doesn’t, it’s because of a lack of “personal hygiene” on the woman’s part, and she should consider a VAJAZZLING? Are you effing kidding?