If you’ve listened to Howard Stern even once over the past decade (that’d be Em, not Lo), then you know that one of his most loyal advertisers is the Ashley Madison Agency — the online dating site that caters to married people with the tagline “Life is short. Have an affair.” Charming. On and off over the years, we’ve thought about reporting on Ashley Madison, but every time we did, steam would come out of our ears and we’d realize that our entire article would consist of seven words, most likely typed in all caps: “Stop cheating you slimeball pieces of shit.” Just because the site sounds like it was named by Nora Roberts, as Jezebel so brilliantly notes, doesn’t mean it’s any less sleazy, immoral, unethical, or just plain wrong. Fortunately not everyone is as “narrow-minded” as we are; Melanie Berliet, a writer for Vanity Fair recently investigated the site to find out why men cheat, which involved interviewing men who said things like “I’m a big believer in monogamy through adultery.”
And where is the poor man if he says–look, sweetie, I want to free up some time for you to exercise, you are gaining weight and it turns me off—and she runs screaming that it is her right to be fat and she can’t help it?
I blame the wife because she participates. I don’t want to have sex with a 200+ lb slob. Why should he? And yes, I know, fat is the in thing, with millions of excuses for someone who wants to stuff everything possible in his/her mouth and never move. Nonetheless, people—and for that matter, the women who can’t find their spouse’s dick under the potgut—it isn’t just men—have to take responsibility for how their choices affect others.
Lisa… Divorce is not always, or even most often, hell for children. I am a child of divorce – and I’m perfectly fine. I know many more children who were hurt by their parents remaining in a strained and broken marriage than kids who were damaged because their parents seperated like adults. Divorce is hell on children when the divorce is particularly painful, drawn out, and vindicitive. You know, kind of like the divorces that happen when there is cheating and betrayal involved.
I truly see nothing wrong with adults who choose not to marry, not to commit, not to have children. I do however, see something wrong with women and men who have no respect for other people. And I fully believe that if you can betray another woman like that, then you don’t have respect for others. It’s not about possessions or stealing – it’s about the fact that you know how deeply the wife would be hurt if she found out and you don’t give a damn. That’s my problem with those choices.
Oh. And what the HECK are you doing sitting there blaming a wife for her husband’s choices? Sure, there are women who let themselves get to a situation where her man might be tempted, but it’s HIS fault if he chooses not to talk to her about his issues in their relationship, HIS fault if he cheats. I agree that every relationship that dissolves has two contributers to the problem, but his big contribution was the cheating. Way to stand up for other women… Not only do you knowingly contribute to the betrayal of other women, you BLAME them. Awesome.
Um… Johnny, no that is most definitely NOT what I tell my guy… First of all, the temptation to cheat – for me anyway – has happened exactly ONCE in my [current] relationship and it was not a specific guy that tempted me, just a situation.
And if a specific guy tempted me, I would not say “Oh honey, I really want to screw this guy”. I would tell him I have a bit of a crush and we’d talk about it. And he does the same thing. It works for us… Considering we’ve been together for years. You and your girl have something different that works for you. And it’s cool that you have your own thing. I merely explained what works for me, and why for ME and my guy, discretion is not okay. I was defending myself against your statement that all of us women who demand honesty are manipulative. I’m not manipulating anyone, as this was something we discussed before actually getting exclusively involved. Our honesty is not manipulating. It’s what we do to deal with the reality that we both are sometimes tempted, but neither of us could handle an open relationship (yes, my guy has told me he would never want that either).
Please don’t sit there passing judgements on me just because I view cheating and “discretion” differently than you do.
Lisa.
You are not that funny, but it is interesting to read your replies.
I am not a religious person, I was born catholic, but I never go to mass nor participate in what I call “Hypocrecy”
I do not believe in families remaining intact upon conflict. I do not believe people shoule even get married, unless there is a commitment, and a collective sense of responsability about what that marriage entails and what it means.
I do believe that people that know they can not hold a life or marriage should never get married. I already said so, and I even praised you on that.
What I advocate is for straighforwardness, for honesty and for courage. When a married couple has issues, instead of running out the door making silly excuses, in order to go find a lover, that couple, or the party to said couple that believes it is suffering unnecesarily, should establish communication, and try to elicit information from the other party, and arrive to a solution.
If said solution is unatainable, then, there is what is known as “irrecontiliable differences” that renders said marriage terminated. Once terminated, the parties are free to engage in sex with as many partners as they wish.
Your theory about my world view has been shown to be wrong in my previous posts, but I am reminding you it is wrong, perhaps you did not read my posts as dilligently as you should.
I reiterate, your decision not to get married based on your own preferences is meritorious, but what is not meritorious is your decision to go after married men. Going after married men puts in evidence your own issues.
This leads me to take back my previous congratulatory words about your decision not to get married. I can see it is not a meritorious decision based on an altruistic asessment of your values, it seems it is a selfish and wanton decision to remain single, so you can cover up for your phobia of commitment, and your desire to benefit from relating to married men, men whom are precluded from demanding a relationship and commitment from you, men whom you can exploit for financial gain, without ever having to face your own commitment phobia, and your lack of values.
James—you are funny, you really are. Thank you for the insightful, if somewhat poorly spelled and referenced, analysis there. However, you seem to have a major error—in your worldview, which I would suspect is heteronormative christian of one ilk or another—commitment, marriage, and the subsequent production of children is the desired end result. It isn’t in mine. I far prefer to fill a need, one that lets the families stay intact–divorce is hell on children, did you not know?—and mostly allows the wives to retain their own happy bookclubs, playgroups and standards of living.
It is written all over your forehead Lisa.
Lisa writes:
” I don’t want a full-time anything.”
Lisa writes:
” Can find single men, have found single men—they always fall in love with me. Bleah. Then they want all my time. Bleah.”
It is evident that you have a problem with intimacy, a problem with commitments, a problem with self esteem.
Going after married men assures the man can not pursue a commited relationship with you. That helps you cover up for your commitment phobia.
You do not want a full time anything, because you have a phobia with commitments. That is ok, you nhave a right to do and manage as you please. It is better to remain single and to full around wioth as many men as you want than getting married and cheating. You are fine .
The problem comes when you select married men to fulfill your psicological shortcomings. You indeed go after married men, because you screen out the single men, for reasons that you already mentioned, commitment that the single men will seek.
So married men take care of all your needs, the commitment phobia and the issue of facing your phobia disorder.
You have the right not to enter a commited relationship, that is fair, and that is the best avenue for people like you, not to enter into relationships knowing you can not keep up with the commitment. I applaud you for that.
But the good act you do on one hand ( which cheating spouses do not implement, they enter a relationship, w/o a commitment to defend that relationship.)…you destroy with the other hand. It is even worse, because you screen single men which you fear for the commitment proposition they will bring into your life, with married man, men that have children, have a wife, men that are doing something wrong, men you are using as a gold digger for , as you said:
Lisa writes:
” Flowers, wine, spiffy restaurants…..”
in exchange for sex, like a prostitute, because you have no other intention but to benefit financially from that shady relationship. You want no commitment, like you already said:
Lisa writes:
” I don’t hide it, don’t pretend that someday he will leave her and marry me—if he left her, I’d leave him. I don’t want a full-time anything.”
The more you write these childish justifications for your acts, the more you put in evidence your phobias, your shortcomings and your clear intent to benefit financially, which, in my dictionary, sex for money equals prostitution.
Kind of interesting to read your justifications, you really need professional help.
Can find single men, have found single men—they always fall in love with me. Bleah. Then they want all my time. Bleah.
Please remember—he ain’t cheating on ME. Flowers, wine, spiffy restaurants…..ladies, if you’d a treated the man right, he would still be with you. He isn’t. If you don’t want him to cheat, spruce up your act…..lose a little weight, get some spiffy lingerie, quit bitching about fixing up the house……..I’ve seen more women want a daddy-figure and then wonder why the sex goes. Yep.
^So Lisa, you cannot find single men? You just like to accept a cheating husband? I guess you have no self value, or you have bad self esteem. Sorry about that. Must feel empty inside.
No, the guys I sleep with don’t tell me they are single…..besides, how stupid do you think I am? You can tell…..
The men I sleep with find me. I don’t go around grabbing innocently married men, enticing them into my home with promises of hot monkey sex. They have already made the decision to find something else. I’m it. At least some of the time. I don’t hide it, don’t pretend that someday he will leave her and marry me—if he left her, I’d leave him. I don’t want a full-time anything.
So. I’m not taking the first thing available. I respect my lovers privacy, requiring in turn that they respect mine. I’m not stealing your men—whyinhell is it, exactly, that if a guy is straying, the woman involved is “stealing” him? He isn’t a car. He isn’t a possession—but I am willing to bet he is in my bed at least partly because someone thinks he is. A truly committed man doesn’t cheat…..but for the rest of them………
Most of the time women ( and men that do same ) that like to go after married parties are people that can not get the attention of sigle people. These women and men can only enter into relationships with desperate coward people that are trying to cheat on their spouses.
Most cheaters lie to the new partner, telling them that they are single. Only a desperate single woman or man would follow a married party into a relationship of shame, guilt and secrecy. These desperate persons are intractable ones that can not enter a relationship with a single person, because of their fear to commit. The married lover is a person that can not put their insecurity on the table nor put their lives at risk, because of the inherent condition the married cheater finds himself / herself in.
So a coward that cheats, …( with all the delusions and childish excuses about cheating as being honest, and effective way to keep a relationship with a significant other working….only a chimp’s brain would concoct such garbage.)….and a coward that fears commitment ( coward because instead of dealing with this comittment issue she / he has, she messes with the spouse of an unsuspecting other, and his / her kids.)… get together.
Both have delusions about their situation. All the effort that could be used in dealing with their particular issues ( the coward that fears commitment, and the coward that fears facing the marital problems at hand )… all that effort is used in fantasies and hallusinations about how good they are, because one is “saving” a marriage and showing how much he loves his / her kids through cheating, while the accomplice fantasizes about how good it is to establish a relationship with a person that is not free to demand comitment, a person that is so desperate into satiating his / her sexual urges the cowardly way that he / she will take the first thing that is available, no matter how mediocre or nasty it is.
It is amazing, but fear and cowardice are such negative forces that men and women that live by this concepts use all the remaining neurons in their fast drying brains to get themselves in deep waters.
Your enemy is not your spouse, your sexual boredom, your fantasies about sex with other people, your enemy is that cowardice that compelles you to act in negative manners, using all your remaining abilities to conceal those acts, with leggerdemain and adroitness that show once again, how fearfull and coward you are.
Well, just found one:
Woman beats husband’s mistress with baseball bat-
http://www.billingsgazette.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/article_696eb1c8-98df-11de-a9f2-001cc4c002e0.html
Lisa seems like the small percentage of the population that needs to scream out “I like to make married men cheat!!, And since I know its wrong, I need to speak out so righteously I don’t feel guilty!!”
Well, Lisa, and Johnny, no one here, can tell you what to do (Orton too for that manner).
But, the majority of the people here, and in the world, really hate people who cheat, and you never know what they are capable of.
I would hate to read in a newspaper, that some wife caught her husband (or husband catches the wife cheating) and takes actions into their own hands, and gun them down, slit the cheater’s throats, or cut off their genitals, etc. Sorry, but there are people who would do such a thing if they caught their husband/bf/wife/gf cheating, and seek out the other person cheating with them.
Lisa, I hope you know self defense, you just might meet some angry wife who catches you with her husband, and you’ll end up in a wheel chair. Johnny-since you told your current gf that you will cheat someday (and her too for that matter) why don’t you two have an open relationship? Or become swingers? Or, just never have a family and get married? That will save a lot of women from making a mistake with you who think they are in a committed relationship with you.
🙂
Oh good of you, Elizabeth – you don’t actually cheat, you just tell your man there’s some guy you’d rather be fucking right now than him. Then just let that fester in the ol’ imagination for a little while.
See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. Indiscreet, and bad-mannered. Keep it to yourself.
Lisa.
That is very sad, yiou need professional help. You find pride in being a second class person, you enjoy meddling into the lives of families, you enjoy acting like scum.
I hope you get help, before you hurt someone, before you get hurt.