Your Call: He's Fighting a War; I'm Hanging with His Wife

soldierphoto by army.mil

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve been troubled by something lately. One of my exes (from several years ago) got married and recently moved into my town with her husband and infant son. Her husband is in the military and was deployed shortly thereafter. Since then she and I have become very close friends. We long since grew out of any romantic feelings we had for each other and our friendship is strictly platonic. I am the only one in town that she knows, and she is a stay-at-home mom. She has her hands full all day with her young son and hyperactive dog, and at night she can’t leave the house because no one would be there to watch her son. So I spend a lot of time hanging out with her at her house. What I worry about is what her husband thinks. I know that if the woman I loved was spending large amounts of time with one of her exes while I was off fighting in a damn WAR; I might be a bit worried, maybe even a little angry, regardless of how much I trusted her. I don’t want her husband to suffer, but she’s a great friend. Also, it should be noted (for context) that I am single. Am I just over-thinking this, or am I doing something morally wrong? And if so, what should I do?

— Mr. Platonic (Really)


  1. I actually have spent a little time with the guy when had some leave a couple times. He doesn’t seem mad. I guess time will tell. If I can hang with them after he comes back full time (he’s a really cool guy, we have a lot in common); then I guess I’ll know everything’s ok.
    I am bigger than him though, maybe that’s the reason I remain un-beaten, lol

  2. i think you should see if her husband is concerned or not. maybe even ask to speak to him over the phone and have an actual conversation with him one time when he calls home. that might even make him feel more comfortable to have a sense of who u r and whats going on. though, i must agree with some part of the poll.. put yaself in his shoes. what would you do, think, or say? i would def encourage her to try n make some more friends. even if you babysit for her a few nights so she can get out of the house and do so. thatd be way more helpful to her mental state. trust me, being a single mom n tryin to swing it on ya own is difficult and quite stressful. factor in the sit. with her husband and it makes it worse for her. i know ya trying to be a good friend and sounds like u r but do back off a lil bit so she doesnt become dependent and that way her husband doesnt have to worry as much. cuz in the end, if ya already uncomfortable then if u do end up developing feelings for her ya going to end up screwin ya self over too. cuz i can almost guarantee u shell never leave her husband. so watch out for yaself and watch out for her situation. n like the guy before me said, if the husbands pissed off bout it then def back off n disappear cuz i come from a long line of military family and i dated a marine for a while…. its a dangerous situation u dont wanna be involved in.

  3. i wanna vote for BOTH 1 and 2.
    stay friends, but it’s always nice to let her hang out with other girls.
    For the sake of her husband it would be nice too if some of the time it was a group event.

  4. When I was in the army we called guys who were hanging out with your girl while you were off at war Jody. You’re a Jody, pal. Prepare to get your ass kicked when he comes home

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