Dear Em & Lo,
I’m a 26-year-old virgin and, while I’m not waiting for marriage, I am waiting for the right guy. You know, that guy that won’t pressure me for sex because it’s the 3rd date or break up with me after 3 months because I’m not ready. And yes, both of those situations have happened, on more than one occasion. As I get older, it seems more impossible to find a guy that will wait for sex. I want someone to respect me and make me feel safe enough to want to share that with him, because if a guy can treat me like crap after a nice evening where I cooked dinner and he didn’t get any, then imagine how much worse I would have felt had I given in and slept with him.
So, I guess my questions are: are there guys out there that will wait and respect me, how long is too long for him to wait, and what do guys think about a girl making them hold out for sex? I have male friends that respect me for waiting but, guys I date — that’s something else.
— The 26-Year-Old Virgin
What do you think the 26 Y.O.V. should do? Let her know in the comments below:
Alexander, there are terms for everything you’re going through, which, while extraordinarily dorky, are highly descriptive of and relevant to your frustrating dilemma. One of them is “supplication”. I suggest you do a little research. You’ll find clear answers to your problems.
Not that you’ll necessarily like the answers you find. Good advice is often hard to hear.
Felix… that was beautiful! š
Alexander, you sound like a ‘real’ prize… NOT. You’re obviously not looking for true love. True love consists of knowing somebody and loving them FOR THEM, and still being there and doing anything for them. That includes waiting for her to open up while loving/nurturing her.
Nobody asked you to buy her gifts. Oh, and you shouldn’t be complaining about how you’re not ‘recieving’ anything in exchange. If you truly loved her… you wouldn’t EXPECT anything in exchange. GET OVER YOURSELF. Break up with her, move to another state, and get a whore of a girlfriend to satisfy your egotistical ways.
If god made us Equal, why the &^$# do women get to be so selfish? I Spend Thousands of dollars on this girl! I treat her like a princess, I was always there, I NEVER, Not Once got anything in return but affection, and emotional attention, which I also return back.
Why must us men give the full package up front, while to woman gives like 30% of the package? like isn’t that selfish?
I love this girl so much, we been together 2 years now, and I’ve been waiting. I am slowly beginning to pressure her a little. Nice guys finish last right?
Guys have feelings also, we also wonder if a girl is the one to have their kids with. Seriously!
Sometimes I feel like I’m not worth her virginity. What, Im not worth her 100% Then you know what, she’s not worth being treated like a 100% princess.
Ladies, Trust me, its hard for us men to wait, but we do it anyway. Its not our fault. Trust me, the guys who would wait 5 years? They are feeling the same way as me, they just too nice to express their feelings because they don’t want to be an asshole. Trust me, they jerking off every night, or paying a prostitute to get relieved. wacking off is most likely tho.
If you don’t feel comfortable after the first year, why the hell are you still with the guy? Don’t waste your time, Dont waste our time. What if we wait 6 years, we finaly get some sex… 1 year after she dumps you… How would you think the guy would feel? and what do you think you have created? I gaurentee that the new girlfriend will have a little pressure. Women Create Assholes. No one wants to finish last! and Yeah Im bitter, because clearly im not worth her fuckin virginity…
Welp, I’m about to meet up with her, gotta put on my geeky lookin fake smile like everything is perfect. She won’t notice, have been doing it for the past 3 months.
^ While I don’t agree, I COULD have respected your opinion, right up until “armed robbers”. I’m not an armed robber.
Iām a male and will also air my views. I strongly believe that sex is a wonderful gift from God; it is something so precious we cannot just share with anybody, it defeats the whole purpose. I will correct a few misconceptions;
You donāt āmake loveā with a boyfriend/girlfriend; you ālayā with your boyfriend/girlfriend; I know to the modern this sounds the same, but these words are very opposite in meaning. To lay with somebody means to rob/deceive/lure/force them to give you their virginity for the pleasure of it; by so doing youāre no better than a robber. I am sorry to say that I have lost respect for most of the guys out there, because most of you are armed robbers.
To āmake loveā is also to āknowā someone. This might sound a bit vague, but spare me your ears for a moment. To know someone in love terms, is to understand the value and worth of the person, to know them by āheartā not just by sight or feelings. It is also to have established or fixed in the mind or memory the true worth of the person. No human being was created for pleasure; a human being is not an object for satisfaction, or a thing so to speak. We enjoy things but we add value to humans!
To love means to have something to offer; I personally donāt believe that a person will keep his/her virginity just to feel important, or because he/she is selfish; this is madness and sounds vain. Everyone who keeps his/her virginity truly keeps it for another (whom he/she values) and this is the fuel of love. To the virtuous women on this blog, I humbly praise you, for the path you have chosen leads to life, joy, gladness and many more! Keep your virginity!
Let the wise hear my words; when two people who have kept themselves for each other meet, a fire is lit which burns to eternity, thereās no shame in their nakedness and truly they come to taste true love. These are people who have something to offer not to receive.
A lady must be honored, a price must be paid, for her worth is more than rubies and gold, thereās no precious thing to be compared onto her.
My advice to the ladies out there;
It is not cool to leave your front doors open; because there will be nothing left in your house before you know it. Have understanding and only give yourself wholly to that great man of your house, who will admonish and respect and protect every bit of you, not by flattery or sweet words, luring to rob you, but by patience and endurance let him keep you.
My advice to my fellow men;
We donāt run around like beasts when weāre hungry, seeking food to devour, but we put our bodies under subjection, until we are in the right place, seated and the right food is set before us; even then, we take our time to eat, so that we may enjoy the food thoroughly.
If you truly love her, then what have you got to offer? Donāt tell me sex! That is receiving not offering!
Make that Lady a better person than she is now (marry her), donāt tear her apart and please donāt use her to your own shame.
God bless!
I myself am a 21-year old virgin, simply because I honestly haven’t had much dating experience and so haven’t even had the opportunity to “find the right guy,” though I can’t see myself having casual sex right now or even right away after getting in a relationship. Personally, I’d want to have sex with someone whom I’m really intimate with emotionally, in a committed relationship where we both love and RESPECT each other. I have no delusions about “Mr. Right,” and agree that anyone could probably be happy with several different people (no one’s perfect, and meeting your partner is based on chance and location as much as anything else). But for some people, self included, sex as a purely physical act holds little appeal, and there’s nothing wrong with that–just as there’s nothing wrong with casual sex either, as long as both partners are consenting and know that it’s just sex and nothing more.
If you want to wait because you feel you’re not ready, that’s the right reason to wait. And if your partner really cares about you, they’ll want to do it with you when YOU’RE ready, not because you feel guilty about making them wait (if they keep pushing you, then they really don’t care). If they REALLY care about you, how could they take pleasure from having sex with you if you’re somewhat unwilling and not really committed? I have a friend who started off really physical with her ex-boyfriend, and it was a mistake. She was a totally inexperienced in relationships and sex, and he had a bad reputation for sleeping around; she tried to give him a chance despite his reputation, but he really just wanted in her pants. And all this was pretty obvious from the get-go: whenever they were physically intimate, he would keep pushing to go further and further, even though she had already told him “No” the past time, he just kept pushing, and eventually, they did have sex. Everyone has sexual needs, OBVIOUSLY, but that’s like saying everyone needs to eat! It can’t always come first, not if you really care.
On the other hand, if you’re making your partner wait just as a test of their feelings, then maybe you’ve already confirmed your suspicions–you DON’T trust them, so even if you feel ready (and maybe with someone you did trust and love you already would), you wouldn’t want to do it with them–and at that point, the relationship is over anyway. It’s more a sign of lack of trust than a sign of not being ready for sex, and without trust and respect there IS no relationship.
While I agree that sex is obviously an important part of a relationship, it is only *A* part, and not necessarily the most important one. My uncle married his wife for sex, basically, and she’s crazy and makes his life a living hell–clearly not the only factor you should use in judging someone as a life partner. It’s really great if you can maintain a physical relationship later on in life, but obviously those initial feelings of intense passion abide over time, and for the relationship to persist it has to be based on something deeper than physical attraction or compatibility (for that you might as well just indulge in one night stands and forget the hassle of commitment). Sex is an amazing experience, whether as a purely physical experience or as an emotional one, and also a risky one (both physically and emotionally), so either way it shouldn’t be taken lightly. By seriously considering your readiness for sex, when you do finally feel ready, it will be a testament of your love and will mean all that much more.
yOU SHOULD stay with what you believe and wait until your ready. If a guy your dating wont wait , then he probably wasnt worth giving your virginity to. However if your not waiting for marriage , you dont know what your missing lol
Hi! I don’t know if you are still reading these posts but I thought I would comment. I am nineteen yr old girl and have been dating someone for two years and I am still a virgin. He is not a virgin, has only had sex once with someone before we dated. I have chosen not to have sex because I wouldnt feel right doing that, since it is a bonder, until I am 100% sure I will be with this person for the rest of my life, I don’t do well with emotional pain, and I know if we ever broke up then it would be that much harder since we had sex. So that is something to think about, and also…I 100% believe that if a guy loves you, truly loves you he will respect and honor your desires and feelings. Don’t ever let ANYONE boy or girl tell you that you owe them anything!!!! He should be nice to you and treat you well because he cares for you not because he is looking for something in return. I am a sophomore in college and sooo many times I meet girls who are in relationships or are “hooking-up” with people and they don’t understand why they get treated like shit. If you don’t respect yourself and stick up for what you believe and give into everything, why should someone respect you or believe that you have anything to offer him in the long run. My point is, don’t give up hope. And besides it is better to keep your dignity and keep looking for a ten than settle for a five and loose your self only to avoid being alone!
Frank, you “want to meet some girls with class for a change.” Then you resort to using what you consider insults to describe women? Do you think there is a connection to your not “being able to meet” any girls you think are “classy” and the fact that you obviously think of women as “whores” and “sluts?”
I think you will be waiting forever, until you start to realize women are human, and that enjoying sex, for a man or a woman doesn’t mean one isn’t “classy.”
Good luck finding what doesn’t exist. It’s guys like you who are single until they are 46 years old and still can’t figure out “what is wrong with all these women?” When a mirror would give the best answer to that.
Hiii!
I think that it’s amazing you’ve waited so long to have sex. I think that sex is a beautiful thing and that you should never let yourself get to a point where you don’t feel comfortable nor safe. Your virginity is sacred please don’t forget that. Your virginity is nothing to take for granted and I think you should save it for someone you love and trust. You are a beautiful, respectable, decent woman that doesn’t deserve to feel any less than what you are so please cherish your position and your self. I lost my virginity at a very young age and have ever since thought of sex as being very casual when I know in my heart it is far from. All the best for you!
xoxo
L
hello im writing this post and maybe its late to comment but having been the guy in a similar circumstance i thought i could shed some light. I have been with my girlfriend for a long time. itll b 6years in dec. my girlfriend was a virgin when i went out with her and as a guy i thought that was incredible i truly was (and still am)in luv with her. She was not easy to get intimate with lol. anyway what im trying to say is there are amazing guys out there if you wait and look carefully, i never ever pressured my girlfriend into anything we had fun and truly liked being with each other for me that was enough all though i had to take alot of cold showers lol. well we recently made love this year. THATS RIGHT!!!!! I waited 5 1/2 years for sex!!!!! but you knw what it was well worth the wait. Hang in there youll find someone. No respect=No future
You are awesome and you should wait for marriage. No one respects whores, we as men just use them and laugh about them with our friends. I would love to meet a woman with some class for a change and any guy that tells u different is full of it. Sluts are a dime a dozen and no one respects them.
It’s not really the fact that men don’t respect you, it’s that you also have to respect his feelings. Of course, if the guy your dating really loves you, he’ll tell you that he’ll wait any amount of time for you, but that’s when you have to step in and realize that he loves you and is willing to wait for you so that you should be willing to give in to him and have sex, or make love.
So you got no religious views over sex? So, pretty much your wanting a guy to trust you, when your not giving him the full package in a relationship? Its not about sex, its about how selfish you are. A Guy is also wanting to feel safe around you, but from that post I find it ok that your a virgin, but I am sure a few of these guys you let go were possible amazing people. Humans have a need, and when someones saying ” No you cannot have sex” and its not because of my religious views, and they been dating you for months, and treat you like a god and get nothing in return? Yeah its insulting. Your snatch aint that good.
Stephen wrote: “Beware of āexperiencedā women telling you it is no big deal ā it is a big deal”.
Afraid of experienced women?