262 Comments

1. Alexanders problem is he’s a self proclaimed nice guy. Meaning he does all these nice things and then gets pissy he gets nothing back. Two things wrong with this.

   1) You shouldn’t do nice things in exchange for things you should do them because you love that person. If you give her gifts as currency for sex well not that i’m anti-escorts but that’s the more honest way of doing that particular transaction.

   2) You undermine what she does give you, you say she gives you attention or whatever, she probably gives you plenty of things but because they’re not what you want you don’t even appreicate them. People express love in different ways: gifts, gestures, acts and verbally. Maybe she shows her love with acts like washing the dishes for you and you show it with gifts so are failing to recognise what she gives cos it doesnt match your way. If she started buying you gifts i highly doubt you’d stop whining about no sex anyways, you dont want to recieve more you just want to recieve a soecific from her.

   Expecting things in return for your gifts or for doing nice things is creepy and disgusting ig you had a friend who let you cry on their shoulder when your mum died in the hopes you’d get help move their furniture round that’d be fucking creepy.

   I’m not A virgin far from it but i respect the fact that to some people it holds a lot of value and you ought to respect that too. Even now i am not a virgin i have sex when i feel comfortable and geuinely enjoy it not as a gift to a man. In fact the best sex is where you enjoy it and arent doing it to shut him up. As that’s disrespectful to you both. Pressuring her will make her want it less and start to have issues surounding sex and make her more uptight and scared over it anyways. Please do her a favor and leave her and be single until you’re ready for a woman.

2. Im a 20 year old virgin. when I was little I loved the idea of abstinence till marriage. now I don’t know. Ive only ever dated 4 guys the current being my fourth. when we started going out he said he was happy to wait till i feel comfortable and even asked how long was an appropriate amount of time before proposing to someone. we have been dating 3 months now and started sleeping (no sex) together. I really love this guy and whilst neither of us are ready just yet. I don’t know if I would want to wait till marriage before we did. I don’t want to marry anyone. I’m also scared that if I was to actually say that to him I might scare him off. heck i’ve scared myself. I love him which of all the guys I’ve dated is a first. he makes me laugh, i feel safe when he’s around and he takes care of me when i’m ill. I just don’t know If it’s right to make him wait or even if i could wait for something that will be years before it happens. I don’t want to get married to someone Ive only known 3 months no matter how they make me feel.
   so if that made sense I’m confused and would appreciate any advice

3. i am a 23 years old guy and a virgin. i cant even tell my frds am a virgin but i stil thinks girls out there are all not a virgin but i wish to date and marry a virgin. i have been dating dis girl for 2yrs but we talk abt sex but never had it but i think she is not a virgin. but it hard for me to ask her for sex. so i am comfused

4. Well said, Felix.

   Sex is a precious thing and creates emotional ties and intimacy as well as physical. It’s extremely sensible to wait for at least some kind of commitment (or marriage) before sharing such a fragile but potentially wonderful, beautiful part of yourself.

5. I am 24 and a virgin. currently have seen this one man three times on the weekly basis and have not mentioned anything about this. We haven’t kissed or anything. i just want to get to know him better and make sure we hangout as friends first. I believe making love is sacred and should be done in a committed monogamous relationship. Some people don’t believe in marriage so i think people should wait 6 months to a year before deciding whether they share their body with someone else. I have never dated anyone that long before.

6. I have made every guy I’ve ever been wit sexually wait 6 months. I don’t regret sleeping with any guy I’ve ever been with because it enhanced a relationship that was already established. As the relationships continued to progress between the 1 & 2 year mark we realized that our dreams and hopes for our long term futures were not compatible, but because our relationship was based on friendship and not selfish self gratification ending the relationships seemed right because we truly wanted what was best for one another. I’ve been with 4 guys sexually, and this last one I think is the one and as of recent conversations about what ring I would like I am pretty sure he feels the same way.

   I feel your pain because I’ve also had guys pressure me and tell me if I loved them I wouldn’t make them wait that long. These guys had excellent qualities but they didn’t have the respect for me or the self-control. I always knew a guy loved me before I slept with him. I feel that each time was amazing because of the way it enhanced the relationship already there.

   And there are plenty of guys who wait. Most of my friends waited, and no not all of them are Christians, until they were engaged or married because they only wanted to be with one person. I don’t have THAT much self control and think 6 months was hard enough. Oh and the current guy is an atheist so their are plenty of guys even without any religious reasons willing to wait! And usually I have found those guys are more generous in bed too. All of the guys I’ve been with have been incredibly generous in comparison to what I hear from other friends who didn’t have guys who would wait. I think this is because it is about them feeling good and not about a two way relationship.

   Oh, and by the way. I’m work part time as a sex therapist. So I see lots of problems develop from couples who based their relationship on sex. Nothing is wrong with waiting as long as it isn’t a form of manipulating the guy.

7. I think from both perspectives, male and female, different types of sex can create different types of emotions. Women who plan to wait need to be BEYOND clear about their mentality and make sure that the sexual aspect of the relationship, which people (especially virgins) need to realize plays a major role, should be out in the open and able to be discussed. In other words ladies, make sure you fully understand why you are waiting! Do not be vague about this topic, even to yourself, because you are not the only one in the relationship.

   So, if a man is waiting indefinitely that is a problem. He should know what her views on sex are. If those views are marriage, that is a given period and needs to be respected (whether or not it is the best decision considering marriage should come after full commitment, including understanding your partner’s sexuality, but that is just my opinion). If those reasons, however, are waiting for the right guy or waiting for a guy she trusts, then what does that say about how she looks at her current boyfriend? Women need to understand that they are (in general) more complicated than us men. Meaning, that women should stop feeling fear at some point, and take the leap already! If a woman is still skeptical of trust after, say, a year, then the guy needs to know that this is why she is still a virgin. She should also know that perhaps she is overly protective or maybe he is just not a trustworthy person.

   On the other hand, a guy needs to be mature enough to recognize whether his main reason for staying is just for the sex. If a guy is waiting and “putting up” with what he views as her negative qualities, than he needs to be real enough to end it on that note. Ideally, a guy should be waiting because her happiness and comfort is more important than sexual intimacy in the relationship. However, especially in the case of a virgin, the value of this sexual intimacy cannot be disregarded. Ejaculating in a woman’s hand or in her mouth is exactly what it is. Even guys can attest to this. The step from oral sex to actual sex adds much more entirety to the relationship.

   So virgins, REALIZE THIS. Realize that you have not had sex before and cannot even begin to understand what making love is like (if you disagree, then sorry, but you have not made love). You need to reflect and understand what it is you are waiting for, then reciprocate this fact back to your partner. Your reasons for waiting cannot be misunderstood for either person! There is another human being in the relationship and you must respect them as well. Making love is a beautiful thing, and you must recognize that you are depriving your male partner of this beauty and of your whole. If you want to wait, go for it, you probably should in most cases, but make sure you are a big girl and are waiting because of strength, not weakness.

8. Better – find yourself a counsellor. It sounds like you have some massive self image issues that are keeping you from seeing the situation clearly – you’re not a “nice guy that doesn’t get any”, you’re a man in the wrong relationship for you right now, or a man in a relationship where he’s never felt courageous enough to reveal his full sexual desires and the extent of his frustration to his partner. What are you afraid of?

9. I don’t think you’re a monster, or a bad person, or a sex addict. I think you’re a normal guy going through something most guys have gone through. Except that if you have tons of money to blow on her, you’re probably going through it later in life than a lot of guys. Too late in life, I’d say. Time to take control of your sex life, dude.

   You’re your own worst obstacle here. Find yourself a new woman. I guarantee that when you’re lying in bed with her post-sex, sweating and panding and still holding on to each other, all lovey-dovey and happy, Ms. Magic Locked Treasure Chest Panties won’t seem so special anymore.

10. I didn’t feel like this at the beginning. Some or all of you guys think im some sort of monster. I do love the girl, If I didnt, I would of cheated along time ago. Its not like im a bad looking person. I think I look better than most. I’m that nice guy who doesn’t get any, thats all. I guess the issue here is the fact that im clearly addicted to sex. I understand that maybe the girl is just not ready to experience something new, knowing that its not gonna be fun. Resent her? well damn, I wish I wasn’t resenting her, wish I can change that. Trust me I dont want to be like this. Its just the way I feel.

    Maybe you’re right! one of yous xD, maybe I should break up with her if im feeling like this… I don’t want to, because I love her. I want Love, not sex, So I want to love someone and have sex… Feels better.

11. Thank you, Johnny. And you are right. Alexander had complete control over his sex life. He chooses to have a “mate” (I use the word loosely) who chooses to manipulate him and he thinks, not only that her “giving herself” to him is what he wants, but will at the same time, make her less “classy.” Double Standard! Yeah, he has control. He chooses to put all women into one of the narrow slots of either “Whore” or “Madonna” when few of us are either. Also, as you and I both know, Johnny, women don’t “give themselves” to men. How much money he spends has nothing to do with it, attraction, self confidence, drive, willingness to leave stereotypes behind, and ability to enjoy oneself play into it. Sex is sharing. 🙂

    Thank you Graphite. You make a lot of sense. I think most of us saw the silly double standard in Alexander’s post (and his thinking) and that alone is the most strong reason he resents women and isn’t having sex. I don’t, and never did have sex with men who thinks it means something different to them as it does to me. Only with men who know sex is sharing, loving, intimate, rollicking good time. (and I do speak in the past tense, as as it its, I only have sex with my husband)

12. No, wait, I do.

    “Make that Lady a better person than she is now (marry her)”
    Really? Women are better people when married?
    “It is not cool to leave your front doors open; because there will be nothing left in your house before you know it. Have understanding and only give yourself wholly to that great man of your house, who will admonish and respect and protect every bit of you, not by flattery or sweet words, luring to rob you, but by patience and endurance let him keep you.”
    Let me tell you a secret – you don’t “run out” of sex, the ability to have emotional intimacy or affection or connection, if you have sex with more than one man. You can have sex with more than one man over a lifetime and still be able to love each and every man you’re ever in a relationship with, with your whole heart. Love is not a commodity you run out of.
    And frankly, I’m not excited about a man who thinks it’s his duty to “admonish” me. That sounds not like the constructive criticism of a friend, but the voice of someone who wishes to impose their own moral code on me, and thinks it’s their place to train me like a wayward puppy.

    “If you truly love her, then what have you got to offer? Don’t tell me sex! That is receiving not offering!”
    Actually, no, sex is both offering and receiving, since I think you’ll find women often greatly enjoy having sex, not just men.

    “To love means to have something to offer; I personally don’t believe that a person will keep his/her virginity just to feel important, or because he/she is selfish; this is madness and sounds vain. Everyone who keeps his/her virginity truly keeps it for another (whom he/she values) and this is the fuel of love.”
    I have my personality to offer, my kindness and my intelligence and responsibleness and sense of humour. If a man values my virginity so much that he would turn down all these things because I don’t have it to “give” him, he has nothing good to offer me except a contrast to better men with better priorities.
    Oh, and some people stay virgins because they personally don’t feel ready for sex. You can be with the right person and still be unready. Virginity is one’s own, and it is one’s own business how one deals with it.

    “You don’t “make love” with a boyfriend/girlfriend; you “lay” with your boyfriend/girlfriend; I know to the modern this sounds the same, but these words are very opposite in meaning. To lay with somebody means to rob/deceive/lure/force them to give you their virginity for the pleasure of it; by so doing you’re no better than a robber. I am sorry to say that I have lost respect for most of the guys out there, because most of you are armed robbers.”
    You cannot steal something that is freely and joyously given or shared. No person who has consensual sex is stealing from the person they have sex with. Or wait, are you saying they’re stealing from the future husband of the woman? Does that mean, in your eyes, her virginity was never her own and she had no right to decide what to do with it? How infantilising.

    Oh, and do men just not have virginity?

13. Alexander, you don’t love this woman, you resent her. You should probably break up with her and find someone who shares your attitude to sex rather than someone who’s still not ready for it. (By the way, if she’s reciprocating affection and emotional attention and she’s not ready for sex, you’re being kind of dim by thinking you can buy her readiness with “thousands of dollars” spent on her. That’s not how relationships or sexual maturation work.)

    Felix, dear lord, I don’t even know where to begin.

14. Mml. L, I like your message of feminine sexual and emotional responsibility toward one’s partner, and I don’t like the sound of Alexander’s little lady, but I would say at the end of the day a person is responsible for his or her own happiness.

    The seduction community, which gets shit for being mysoginistic, actually forces guys to confront attitudes like alexander’s. It teaches men to stop blaming and hating women for thier own (the mens’ own) failings.

    He feels like he has no control over his sex life. He feels like it’s this fragile thing that SHE holds in the palm of her hand, and that enrages him.

    But of course he’s wrong. His sex life is in HIS hands. He has the power to leave and purue one that would make him happy.

    There are a million excuses why he won’t. I’ve heard them all, and I’ve occasionally made them myeslf. But the bottom line is, she’s not cheating him (although I’d guess that she’s probably not that nice to him). He’s cheating himself.

15. Alexander, maybe you’re with the wrong woman. Six years? Whew! Don’t blame the entire female gender for this woman’s prudery and selfishness. But, ladies, THIS is how guys who think guys will “wait forever if they ‘love’ me” feel about the entire female gender. You might want to re-read his post and see if YOU want your man to think not only of YOU, but all of WomanKind like this, after you “make him wait” for the end of time to do what most people actually ENJOY doing.

    Felix; WTF? If I wanted a sermon, I’d go to Church. This is a SEX POSITIVE web site. You obviously don’t value sex as many here do. I don’t get ANYTHING else you have said besides this obvious point of your rave.

    This Site is changing, ladies. Really. *sigh*

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