Dear Em & Lo,
I’m a 26-year-old virgin and, while I’m not waiting for marriage, I am waiting for the right guy. You know, that guy that won’t pressure me for sex because it’s the 3rd date or break up with me after 3 months because I’m not ready. And yes, both of those situations have happened, on more than one occasion. As I get older, it seems more impossible to find a guy that will wait for sex. I want someone to respect me and make me feel safe enough to want to share that with him, because if a guy can treat me like crap after a nice evening where I cooked dinner and he didn’t get any, then imagine how much worse I would have felt had I given in and slept with him.
So, I guess my questions are: are there guys out there that will wait and respect me, how long is too long for him to wait, and what do guys think about a girl making them hold out for sex? I have male friends that respect me for waiting but, guys I date — that’s something else.
— The 26-Year-Old Virgin
What do you think the 26 Y.O.V. should do? Let her know in the comments below:
After so long you loose interest in the girl’s physical attractiveness. Its not fair for a guy, to love you and not be able to Have all of you.
my boyfriend keeps pressurizing me have sex with him too and i have been telling him i do not want to but he gives me the ultimatum.do you think i should just go ahead and dump him?
Teresa, thank you for your comment, it really inspired me, I’m in a relationship where I care so much and love my boyfriend but just not ready physically. I trust that he can wait for me until I’m ready, I just hope that he doesn’t lose his patience…(after all, he is a guy.) I cannot believe your husband waited 3 years…
I know where you’re coming from. I did want to wait for marriage but not for religious reasons. I wanted someone who loved me for me and knew we’d want to spend the rest of our lives together. IDK how long your longest relationships been but my hubbie and I dated for 3 YEARS with out him getting any. Doesn’t mean he liked it and that we didn’t have issues from time to time but if he really loves you he will wait until your ready. Weather it takes 3 months or 3 years. Don’t be pressured into something you don’t want/aren’t ready for. You can’t get it back.
Hi I am female and I am choosing to keep my virginity. I know that this forum has been up for a while and I don’t consider my entry as an answer to the question that started this forum, but a lot of people seem to have a lot of opinions and biases with regard to virgins and I don’t honestly know who’s right or who’s wrong, but I will tell you why I’ve made this choice for myself. You can judge me for it or decide if it might give you some insight into at least one reason why someone would make this choice since at least from my perspective, it’s really not the popular choice. When I was young I would say that my decision was more heavily based on religion than it is now. Maybe it was this set of ideals I had set up in my own mind, but as I’ve gotten older the world seems a lot more different and it has no longer fit into that set of ideals. One thing that still holds true and that has always held true however is that virginity exists only once. Once it’s gone there’s no turning back. I can loose my virginity at any time and so why would I stress as much about trying to loose it when keeping it is not only more difficult, but more fragile. Fragile because it’s so easily lost. I’m already confused as it is. Why would I want to loose my virginity and find that after it’s gone I’m back where I started: confused? After that I can’t decide to turn back and decide one choice was right and the other wrong. By that point I only have one road to follow. This is the crossing of the roads and only one road offers two choices. Virginity gives me time to think and decide. It also gives me time to peal away all the layers of a guy and see what is lying deep down inside of him. Does he truly love me or is he just putting up a show to get his reward? I want to have sex and I want to give myself body and soul to the one that I love, but waiting is better for me and for him in my opinion because I will be giving them something that I want to offer just as much as they want to have and vice versa. They will be offering me something that I want to have, but don’t try and tell me a man has needs or that I’m selfish. There’s nothing selfish about believing something. I have needs too. I’m exercising the same restraint as he is, but I stay in control. Why would he be any different? Maybe the man who tries to tell me this wants to believe his own lie. He honestly wants to believe that he is in love with me. Maybe little boys and little girls both want happily ever after even if it’s make believe. The lie that a man can’t wait is for the girl is what is make-believe. If you can’t wait you don’t love her. So don’t lie to her or to yourself, because when you love someone you wont need to bother with charades. My ideas may be good in theory, but in reality what do any of us really know about life right? Each and everyone of us are only mortals trying to make our way through this confusing, but really wonderful life. Good luck to you all in all your journey’s. Hope everyone finds their pot of gold in the end. 🙂
Part. Most men see a women with a child and make judgements before they get to know how I am. They think I have baby daddy, or I sleep around. I should know how to have sex I mean I do have a child. So its hard for me to get past Stereotypes. I sometimes think my daughter will lose her virginty before me. What sucks the most is I’m a Twin she lost her V-card at 25 to her first boyfriend. We are book ends in looks,its hard when I have to explain that your not the same to men. I don’t want to label all men but sometimes if they take the time to read the book and not assume its the same as all the others you would be quite Surprised at what you might find that there is a beautiful,smart,kind of cute kind of funny virgin that like watching old “Conan and Red Sonja “movies. I promise I’m not a prude at ALL, I just want someone to want me not just my ass.
I know you u may not be reading this anymore but I’m a virgin too. But I’m 34 yrs old. I to have a hard time with men. My Situation is very Complicated. I wanted to wait as a kid cause alot of my friends were getting having babies very young and I didn’t want to be a sterotype. So I kept my head in books and block out boys. I said when I move away from home I will try to find out what type of woman I am. It didnt work out quiet like that. When I was in school I met a girl we became like sister, long story short she had a baby she wasn’t mentally of Physically ready to be a mum so I became a single mum at 25. This is the Complicated
and ashley its all b.s he dosnt need it he can please him self dont do anything your not ready for if he loves you he will wait and if he breaks up with you because of it his loss then he didnt care for the real you its better to let him go then to have sex if your not ready its not just physical it can mess you up emotional if it dosnt work out and you werent ready but did it to make him happy take it from me i been in your shoes didnt work out and leaves you emotionally messed up
i lost my virginity when i was 19 which was last year i was one of those who wanted to wait for marriage didnt work out that way i loved the guy but he used me its something i cant take back and not a day goes by that i dont wish i could take it back and not give in.my advise make them wait if they love you they will wait and why does it have to be about sex if you guys cant wait masturbate dont cheat or just simply have clean thoughts
i am 18 years old and my bf is 24 we have been dating for a year now. wen we started going out i told him i was a virgen and that i wanted to wait till marrige he said he was fine with that!! now he has been pressuring me into having sex he syas he cant wait any longer the he NEEDS to have sex. i dont know what to do. i don’t want to break up with him over this but its really hard wen we fight constantly about me not wantin to hav ex and hi saying he cnt wait any longer. i dont know what to do i cant just throw away one year of my life with him in the garbage i really do love him butt dont know what to do i really want to wait till marrige!!! any suggestions?!?!!?!
Hello,
I am an adult virgin and I am older than most of these people, at 31. The reason? Well there are several and none are religious. I don’t consider myself to be ‘selfish’ or ‘prudish’ but I’m certainly not a wh*re either. There seems to be a big misconception about adult virgins both male and female, and maybe people should educate themselves or try to understand other people’s plights a little more. But bashing someone for not having sex with someone else, isn’t going to that person any closer to it.I think if someone DOESN’T want to have sex with someone — then they shouldn’t. Period. Bodies don’t belong to other people, no one has a ‘claim’ on it. Buying someone dinner, spending money on them etc. is irrelevant. If you don’t want to do these things for a person than don’t do them if they aren’t coming from the heart. For example, you don’t give a Christmas gift only because you want to receive one back. That logic is very messed up. Staying with someone and ending up resenting them because they are not doing the things that you want, is ridiculous, just find someone who will do what you want then. Some of the rude comments on here make me glad I have not had sex with any guys. A lot of them don’t seem to get it; I don’t feel “entitled” to anyone else’s body or sexuality and neither should they.
it is really true that making love is decision of two loving souls.
and simply telling that losing virginity is one’s choice.
Madamoiselle is a damned visionary. All you ‘perfect’ ladies (and even ‘perfect’ men) could learn something about from what she’s saying. I have family members who have gone through DIVORCE because of sexual incompatibility. Even with a child in the frame, somehow this “unimportant” factor (sex) still finds it’s way to rip people/families apart. Hop off your high horse and think about the REALITY of it.
I am a 21yr virgin, i hav a boyfriend and sex hav never been our problem 4 2 years now.in my early days i made a promise 2 myself 2 hav sex after marriage,but i dont think i want my boyfriend 4 marriage, i want 2 quit but i think am going 2 hut him badly.
Hi The 26-Year-Old Virgin
I think it’s alright to stay virgin until u are ready to give it up and l am not just saying that because l am the same. I’m 25 and l still have mine but the difference is that l’m a guy.
From Duafwol