Dear Em & Lo,
I’m a 26-year-old virgin and, while I’m not waiting for marriage, I am waiting for the right guy. You know, that guy that won’t pressure me for sex because it’s the 3rd date or break up with me after 3 months because I’m not ready. And yes, both of those situations have happened, on more than one occasion. As I get older, it seems more impossible to find a guy that will wait for sex. I want someone to respect me and make me feel safe enough to want to share that with him, because if a guy can treat me like crap after a nice evening where I cooked dinner and he didn’t get any, then imagine how much worse I would have felt had I given in and slept with him.
So, I guess my questions are: are there guys out there that will wait and respect me, how long is too long for him to wait, and what do guys think about a girl making them hold out for sex? I have male friends that respect me for waiting but, guys I date — that’s something else.
— The 26-Year-Old Virgin
What do you think the 26 Y.O.V. should do? Let her know in the comments below:
I am actuallly just sad over those waitingwomen that just see life go by.
marisa said: “we have the power over sex
…guys have urges and they want them to be pleased” END QUOTE
You are implying YOU have or had NO urges? And that the waiting game was a Power Play? I don’t get it.
I really, honestly hope that you, and others have found that sex is about SHARING, now power or ONE person wanting and the other seeing how long they can make the other person “wait.”
Maybe I misinterpreted you, but the whole “power” thing struck me as kind of mean. To men.
When people use terms like “she gave in” it pisses me off. Does it occur to them that most women LIKE sex? This, like the entire “farmer won’t buy a cow if he can get the milk for free” bullshit is assuming sex is something women don’t LIKE and only do to get men to do other things for them. Again, a Commodity.
Having sex with an other person is a communion with that person, it’s a shared experience, a mutual good.
It is NOT and never should be something women “give” and men “take.” The entire double standard of this idea is one of the reasons TOO many women decide “virginity” is like to valued like some rare prize, to be sold at auction, to the highest bidder, to get HER something she wants OTHER than sex.
Having sex should be about two people who care enough to please each other physically and emotionally. (And sometimes spiritually.) It isn’t about an exchange of “goods.” With the exception of prostitution, then it’s a different story. But, in that case, the woman at least ADMITS she isn’t doing it for her own pleasure, but only “Giving in” to get things she wants for herself. She’s honest. Someone playing games with a man’s mind and body, for the SAME REASON is often being disingenuous.
Sex, when done properly, is two people caring for each other and pleasing each other. NOT one person “giving in” or “being worn down” or “giving it up.” BOTH should be enjoying it. And you have NO IDEA how enjoyable it can be until you allow yourself the pleasure to share such a thing with an other person.
I’ve observed the following scenario several times:
Virgin waits. Virgin meets great guy. Virgin continues to wait. Great guy waits right along with her. And waits and waits.
She’s been guarding her virginity for so long that she just can’t bring herself to give it up, even under ideal circumstances. Great guy eventually decides virgin has sexual hang-ups he doens’t want to deal with. He ends the relationship.
Virgin thinks, “damn, I had it all in him! Great Guy loved me, respected me, waited patiently… What am I waiting for, if not a situation like that?”
Virgin resents herself for losing great guy to irrational prudishness. Virgin then gives it up to the next asshole who comes along. And just like that, she blew an ideal scenario for exactly the one she was trying to avoid.
Anyone else see – or experience – this situation?
I waited up to 2 yrs for one and there was another that give in after a month… so I guess its depends on the girl
#Lovereaction: Your comment gives me the impression that you’d give it up to any guy that glances at you
And you will only have sex with the man that waitet long enough for you?
While you could used the time to have wild crazy hot sex insted. it is just braindead, honey.
you can make a guy wait for a very long time, we have the power over sex. i didn’t lose my virginity until i was 19. i wasn’t waiting for marriage but i was trying to find the right guy. my pass boyfriends hated the idea that i didn’t want to have sex. i was not ready and most of all they were not the ones for me.
it did hurt my relationships, guys have urges and they want them to be pleased
Its your choices,However keep in mind your 26 year old “don’t knock it until you try it”.
Asked yourself, Do you want to try? If the fruits look good don’t you want to tasted to see weather its sweet or sour.
If Mr.Right come along I don’t thinks he care less if your virgin or not,but how you coexist with him on this life journey.
Life is not perfect, on for going life is full of trail and era.
Speaking as a guy…yeah you’re right.Wait. All you will lose is time and we all have a lifetime supply of that. Good Luck!
ok so i’m not gonna take sides here. i figured i’d be like this lady here, waiting into my 20’s before even considering sex. but you know, when someone you trust, someone you feel like you could have sex with comes along, you almost can’t help yourself lol. yes, i lost my virginity when i was 19 to a guy who i wasn’t (and i’m still not) dating, but we were good friends beforehand anyway and i trusted him. does that make me a whore? i don’t think so. sex is a very personal choice. i thought a long time before committing to a decision, in fact, i didn’t commit to my decision right up until the last possible second. but i don’t regret it and that’s the important thing.
sorry for rambling. i guess what i’m trying to say is… don’t listen to us. do what you think is right. yes, advice is always good, but everyone is different.
good luck 🙂
everyone giving their own opinion but these matter…seems like its all up to your mind..i believe if you do feel connected with your partner…you definately wont felt hesitate to share yourself…
so…im wishing u to found ur right guy soon..
t.m. the whole “milk for free, farmer pay” thing reduces sex to a commodity, which makes it seem as if sex is something women “give” or “trade” with men for other commodities. In reality, BOTH partners are supposed to get pleasure from sex, and in healthy people, it is never a commodity.
Are you really wiling to reduce your sexuality to nothing more than a tradable commodity?
“Confident” you don’t get it. It doesn’t mean “anybody” gets to have sex with one, just that so many of the posts were of the “my virginity is a such huge deal and a HUGE gift (commodity) which will only go to the highest bidder.” Most men and many many women just don’t see it that way. Men don’t view a woman’s “virginity” in the Holy Light that a very few women place it in.
YOUR “impression” was wrong. I think the comment Love reaction posted, and I was amused by meant, “Honey, your “virgin” booty ain’t all that. NOBODY’S is.” That’s all.
And, you know, people have tried the underhanded “calling Sexually Positive women whores” tactic before, (which is what your attempt was, right?) but they don’t usually last long on a Sex Positive web site. Good luck with that here. 🙂
Why buy the cow when the milk is free?
Lovereaction: Your comment gives me the impression that you’d give it up to any guy that glances at you. Wouldn’t want to have access to any womans vagina that doesn’t give some value/respect in sharing that part of herself. Same to you Madamoiselle. I believe in respecting every individuals choice to live their life. It’s very wrong to insult these women for their beliefs. Just because you feel you could never have the will power to stay a virgin doesn’t mean other people can’t. Patience is a “virtue”.:)There is nothing wrong with wanting to wait if that is what is right for you.
Quote of the week, maybe? “Get it over with. It os not really a big deal, it is not gold between our legs.” Hahahahaa. I have to agree. Ladies, access to your vagina is not like a ticket to the Holy of Holies….
OMG, I didn’t mean that as a double entendra. hee hee hee hee