Dear Em & Lo,
I’m a 26-year-old virgin and, while I’m not waiting for marriage, I am waiting for the right guy. You know, that guy that won’t pressure me for sex because it’s the 3rd date or break up with me after 3 months because I’m not ready. And yes, both of those situations have happened, on more than one occasion. As I get older, it seems more impossible to find a guy that will wait for sex. I want someone to respect me and make me feel safe enough to want to share that with him, because if a guy can treat me like crap after a nice evening where I cooked dinner and he didn’t get any, then imagine how much worse I would have felt had I given in and slept with him.
So, I guess my questions are: are there guys out there that will wait and respect me, how long is too long for him to wait, and what do guys think about a girl making them hold out for sex? I have male friends that respect me for waiting but, guys I date — that’s something else.
— The 26-Year-Old Virgin
What do you think the 26 Y.O.V. should do? Let her know in the comments below:
Also @ brian, re: Girl who broke your heart
Brian, dude – you are painfully mistaken if you think a woman can’t pull the exact same thing once you marry her. Looking to marriage as a security blanket is a terrible idea. It guarantees nothing – not sex, not fidelity, nada.
Experience is the only thing that can protect you from shitty partners. That’s the tragedy of all these “wait” types – they often wait only to wind up with the wrong person, because they lack the experience to make an informed decision.
You are a prisoner to your sexual past. The girl who broke your heart, the girl who you’re so convinced you scarred for life by sleeping with her once… Come on dude. Grow a pair and move on with your life. Best advice anyone’s going to give you.
@Brian- classic case of male ego.
That girl you did horrible emotional damage to? Trust me – you’re overestimating your sway over her. It’s possible that she was way fucked up before you got to her. But barring that, I guarantee she moved right on and is fine now. Trust me.
Men always like to think, “Oh god, what will she do without me! She’ll probably kill herself!” But that’s our egos talking. Women are the more emotionally resilient gender.
I think that all these wonderful gusy/girls that promises virigns to wait for them is having sex somewhere else…
That is why they can afford to wait for your “gift”.
Sorry hun, but saving your virginity because you promised ‘God’ is a silly idea.
I guarantee you will get closer to heaven in the bedroom than you ever will in death. I mean I wake up nearly every morning with an erection, is that not ‘God’ tellling us to go do our thing? SEX IS GREAT, no one says, ‘oh I don’t read because i’m waiting for the perfect book’ because that would be silly. go get laid!
This watin thing is a very big nonsense cos if you know you wont eat something there is no point cookin it, wait till d time u are hungry nd ready to eat. Since u wont have sex for now, its better you wait till you are ready nd be with the guy dt u feel can wait for you. I think some women are just selfish nd mean, if it was a woman dt have had sex before nd likes doin it, nd she meets a guy dt says no nd that its going to take sometime or sth am pretty sure that woman will cheat or end d relationship. We cn see dt d so call double standard is more with woman nt man, btw , why must it alwayz be abt women not ready, its jsut too stupid nd absurd nd irrational. I have seen cople of situation where d guy does nt give enuff sex nd d woman ends up cheating on her, wat if dt kind of guy had said no sex until after he wants it. so it means d woman will be cheating on him like hell???!! plus candidly why d hell will a woman judge a man dt cos he cnt wait till when she wants then it makes him nt 2 be a good guy or sth. We all know sex drive is different in different ppl nd maybe dt guy could be d type with really high libido nd culd nt stay for long time without sex, so wat does d virgin girl expects him 2 do , to sbjecct himself to such a bad torture cos he wants 2 be with her even though he has a crazily burning sex urge. I feel nd think d best thing is this situation is dt its 50/50, since d girl has decided nt 2 hv sex wit d guy until sometimes dt she decides , then d guy might rightfully as well decide dt he could nt be in a relationship without sex.
Plus if u say if d guy loves her she will stay dts kind of bulls hit, cos d guy can as well say if the girl loves him she will give it 2 him without having him 2 wait till she feels like, its selfishness from a girl side i think.
I dont blame you for not giving it up. But it is your choice. I did give into the temptation, but it was the best choice I made. My boyfriend and I have lasted, its not what are relationship is all about, and we have talked so many times about continuing our relationship and getting married and whatever else. It just depends on when you are willing to do it, and when you are really comfterable with it. But i don know that I was glad i wated, for a little while at least.
I am 36 years old and I have decided that I want to wait until I am married ( if that happens) before I become sexually involved with a woman. I had a sexual relationship many years ago because I thought that she was the one I would spend the rest of my life with. (I was 23 years old the first time I had sex.) After she cheated on me and left me for the other guy, I was devastated because I gave the most intimate part of myself to someone who ditched me. Unfortunately, several years after that, I ended up having a one night stand with a woman I met at a bar. I can’t even begin to describe the emotional damage I did to her and I felt so horrible inside for shattering her emotionally. After that, I decided that I will not have sex with anyone unless I marry her. I will be honest though, the urges can become very strong at times. Sadly, I can not find a woman who is also willing to love me enough and respect my boundaries to wait until marriage. I commend you for desiring to wait for the right man and the best guarantee for that is to marry him before you become sexually involved with him. If he truly loves you, he WILL wait, even until marriage.
Believe it or not. I am a 34 year old virgin. My mother had “the talk” with me and my 2 sisters when I was about 13. I had a brief situation in high school with a guy and then PROMISED God that if I got out of it a virgin I would wait until I was married. Obviously I got out of that situation in tact. I am pretty attractive and approached by guys all the time. I look at it like this…I can choose to lose my virginity any day of the week. But I am a precious gift and so is it. I CHOOSE to wait until I am married. I am dating a very special guy. He flipped when he found out. I told him on our 3rd date that I would not be having sex with him. Then about a month later I told him I was a virgin. that is when he flipped. He was so surprised. No sex? No kind? never? Nope! And guess what sisters? I am still with him and he is so respectful. We are now considering marriage. When you are ready – you will know. Don’t make a move until then. It is not all about the other party – it is about following your heart.
i think that when you are comfortable with some one. it will be ok…
there are plenty of logical reasons to wait really, doesn’t mean you have to and there are ways of trying to control it i suppose… you know..disease, pregnancy. do you want to end up with a broken family for your child? and i know that doesnt always happen…but it can.
I do agree with the it’s a sharing thing. Some people only want to share that with one person. Which is sortof romantic.
Personally…I dont want my husband to have slept with any one else…
But if your not waiting ’til marriage. If you’re great friends and hang out and do love eachother…maybe just head in that direction and if your not comfortable with it tell him. =) if you are.. keep working on it til you get there. =) Of course sex is a good thing, but as with most good things there are some boundaries that keep them good. Which are mostly up to you.
you ladys that are virgins at 25-30 whteva lol, you are all in great danger of a conditon called “vaginascabsover syndrome” loool
Virgins and proud of it after 25 are a great example of Darwinism. It’s great, the simpletons are left out of the gene pool for the betterment of the rest o the human race. The main problem with waiting for Mr right is that women don’t actually know what they want. After years of dumping Mr Ok panic and go for Mr I promise to stay now that you’re knocked up.
To guyman: I woulde have given up the moment a man said that to me. Enough is enough of garbage.
She uses sex to trick you, that is not mature.
@guyman: how old is she? The answer would probably differ depending on whether she’s 18 or 28…
Also, see @johnny…that could be you!
And I’m in love with this girll so what should I do?! Cmon peopleee
Okay so I’m dating a virgin that will just not give it up, and she’s telling me ” oh baby we have our whole lives together, it’ll will happen eventually” but we not even married or anything like that. Should I just give up?